Outsourced

Todd! You're back, huh?

How was management training?

What happened?

Um, where is everybody?

Costs were through the roof.

You know, pensions, health care.

We had to do a little right-sizing.

There's no one here.

Exactly. That's what makes us the right size.

Yesterday, we outsourced the entire call center to India.

"you bastard"?

That's for me.

Wait. Wait a minute.

Jerry, I went through training

specifically to run this call center.

- I know. - And?

We still want you to run the call center...

in India.

Ha ha ha!

You want me to go to ?

Todd, if you do this for the company,

we're gonna bump you up to Vice President.

And if you don't, well, we're already the right size.

There are no more positions here.

Wait, so you're saying, go to India,

or I'm out of a job?

Mm-hmm. Oh.

I worked hard for this company.

I was the best salesman.

And you know what?

Who's to say I'm not gonna go out there

and start my own novelties company, huh?

Don't you owe, like, 40 grand in student loans?

Whoa!

Oh, man, this is insane!

It's like... it's like frogger, but with real people.

Before we arrive, I took the liberty

Of having these name tags made.

Oh. "Todd Dempsey: Manager."

Wow. Thank you, Rajiv.

Thank you very much.

My pleasure, sir.

Yours says manager, too.

You are most perceptive.

As they say in America,

"your elevator goes to the penthouse."

We don't really say that.

I think you do.

Why does yours say manager, too?

Oh, I'm simply planning ahead.

You see, after you return to America,

I will become manager of the call center.

I thought to myself, why print a name tag

that says "assistant manager"

when it is only a matter of time

before you triumph here and make a glorious homecoming?

Oh, wow. So you've got it all figured out, huh?

After I become manager, my salary will increase enough

that I will be able to move out of my parents' apartment

and finally marry Vimi.

It seems our fates are tied, sir.

Your triumphs are my triumphs.

Your victories are my victories.

We need a victory.

Indian man: Okay, thank you very much, please. Good-bye.

Come now!

You are paid to work, not to sit around doing chitchat!

It is my great pleasure to introduce Mr. Todd Dempsey.

Hello. Hello, everyone.

I'm, uh, really...

I'm, uh... looking forward

to working with all of you as your manager,

so, uh, let's get to know one another, okay?

- My name is Gupta... - Hello.

- Hi. Todd. - Manindra.

M... nice name.

Hello. Uh...Okay.

Hello. Um, and your name is, uh...

Madhuri.

What? Excuse me?

Madhuri.

Just a little louder this time.

Ahem.

Madhuri.

I'm sorry, I'm not...

Uh, moving on.

She works the phones? Really?

- Hi. Hello. - Oh.

I'm Manmeet.

Man-meat?

Yes, Manmeet.

Your name is man-meat?

Yes.

Well, guess it must be hard to chat on the internet

with a name like man-meat.

All right, we will talk later.

Okay.

Hello.

Hello. I'm Asha.

Ah, nice to meet you, Asha.

That is a pretty name.

Thank you.

It means "hope".

Really? Well,

in that case, I "asha" to get to know you better.

Hope to get to know you.

Yes, I understand.

- All right. - My name is Gupta...

I will get to know the rest of you throughout the day.

The phones are switching over later.

And, oh, in the meantime,

I'm not sure what religion you guys are,

but this is your new bible.

And the first commandment is know this catalog.

Sir, if I may, I would like to show you

to our offices in the executive suite.

Please follow me.

Here we are.

Whoa!

There's a cow.

You gotta be kidding me.

Yes, the cow is considered sacred.

It can go where it pleases.

Really? Wow.

Well, I guess you don't have to go far for the creamer.

Please do not touch the cow.

Of course not.

I know it must be difficult for you Americans to understand,

since you eat hamburgers morning, noon, and night.

You are so wealthy, you practically bathe in meat.

Whoa, where do you get your news, man?

But for us Hindus, the cow is not a source of meat.

It is sacred because of the milk it brings.

Muslims and Jews do not eat pigs.

We do not eat cows. Is it so crazy?

Yeah, Rajiv, I get it.

The cow is not a source of meat.

It is a religious thing.

You know, I'm gonna respect your traditions.

So what time is lunch?

Okay, uh, just give me some of that...

Yellow and green stuff.

Hey, are you American?

Saddle up.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Yeah.

Charlie Davies.

I run the call center for All American Hunter.

Todd Dempsey.

I'm running the call center for Mid America Novelties.

- Oh. - Just started today.

Yeah, that's what I figured.

What?

You got the pepper thing.

- So? - Do you hate your own ass?

Really? It's that spicy?

If you eat that, you'll be crapping yourself for five days.

Not talking about two days or three days

or four and a little...

I'm talking about five full days.

Here.

Jiffy peanut butter and smucker's grape jelly.

I get it shipped from home.

Cheetos, hostess cupcake,

and my backup sandwich,

honey-glazed ham and good old American cheese.

As far as I'm concerned, you're not a world power

until you've got a cheese named after your country.

So the superpowers are us, the Swiss...

I'm not into politics, okay?

Okay.

Well, thanks, um...

But I'm sure I'll find some indian food

that I like eventually.

Yeah, if you last that long.

What's that supposed to mean?

Look, no offense, but I've seen it a million times.

Guys get homesick, they can't hack it here,

so they quit and go back to the States.

Well, I don't have a job to go back to.

I have to make this .

Well, you better hope you've got some decent employees.

Aren't all the workers kind of the same?

Not even close.

There's an "A" team and a "B" team.

How do you tell the difference?

Well, that's the "A" team over there.

They all work for the big boys, like Intel and app.

They've all been to the States.

They've even studied all our different accents.

No way.

Hey, you, come here.

Yes, what is it?

Tell me something.

You know what grits are?

Well, grits is just ground up corn.

I tell you what, my Mama used to make the best grits.

All right.

I'd be sittin' on the front porch

with my hound dog, freedom, sippin' on some sweet...