New Girl

Previously on New Girl...

We're at a wedding together.

Guys, guys, shut and listen to me...

it's Cece. She doesn't want to get married.

I'm sorry, everyone, but I can't do this.

What I want is to be with someone else.

Are you in love with her or are you in love with me?

You have to decide.

We tried. We had one night.

- Okay, what happened with Jess? - We called it.

Yeah, when things get messy you just run away.

I know you think we should call it.

But I don't want to give up on this.

You know what? I gotta say, Jess,

I really like you.

- I really, really like you. - I really like you.

I can't believe this is happening.

- It's crazy, but it's happening. - It's crazy.

I like you so much.

- Yeah, I like you so much. - Like...

- Yeah. - I'm just...

- What? - I'm in. You know? I'm...

- I'm just all in. - I'm all in. I'm, like, weirdly all in.

- Hey, Nick... - What?

Pull over.

Well, that was fun.

We finally broke in the Volvo. Oh, my.

What's next? What do we do now?

I'm really fighting the urge to buy you a lobster dinner.

Do we just go home?

- You know, I mean, just how is it actually gonna work? - Yeah.

We've only been dating for 30 minutes and we're already living together.

What if you get tired of me, and you have nowhere to go because we're roommates,

- and so you have to sleep in your car... - Hey. Stop. That's not gonna happen.

I've wanted this for so long. I don't want anything to go wrong.

Oh, it's Schmidt. He's freaking out about Cece.

He doesn't need to reach you all the time.

You know what? You're right. I'm gonna ignore it for now.

It's all about us right now.

Hmm.

It's Schmidt. He wants to know where you are.

He texted you to ask where I am?

That's... ugh.

He just texted I'm a bad friend.

- You know what that is? - Either male genitalia,

or a really big thumbs down.

- Why would he send me male genitalia? - Why can't he talk to Winston?

Well, without me, they get so weird and they fight all the time.

This is what I'm talk...

How many times a day does Schmidt text you?

I don't know, I'll just say 40.

How...

See, this is what I'm talking about.

I feel like we need time alone...

so we can figure out what this is.

Yes. This is what I want. I want to be with you alone, without anybody else.

- Just you and... - Where have you been?

I'm having a major life crisis, and you guys are, what? Just driving around,

French-kissing each other like a couple Dutch hookers?

What is that, Nick? Is that a hickey? Disgusting!

Hey, you guys. Um, I've been doing a lot of thinking.

Now, I know everyone's going through a lot,

but I think it is time for me to start a puzzle.

- No, it isn't. - What is going on with you two?

Are you, like, a couple now? Have you thought any of this through?

Nick, please help me, okay? Stop being so selfish and just help me.

Okay, you know what?

Give me one minute, I'll be right inside.

- We'll be right in. - Yeah, we just got to figure something out.

All right! Thanks, man.

- The gang's back. - We'll be right in.

Yeah, good-bye, guys. We love you guys.

- Run! - Run!

Well, Winston, after 25 unanswered text messages to Nick and Jess this morning,

I finally received a response.

A smiley face.

This leaves us with one choice...

- To become best friends. - Huh? Yeah, fine.

For r...? Okay, great.

Now, as my best friend, I expect you to be willing to sacrifice everything for me

at a moment's notice, including, of course, unfortunately for you, your dignity.

- Yeah, fine. - Winston, what can I do for you?

Don't talk to me that much, never lie to me, and never, ever touch my puzzle.

Winston, do we... do we think now is really the right time to be starting a puzzle?

I'm great at puzzles.

You're a born puzzler, Winston, sure, um, but...

don't you agree that sometimes, when you start puzzles, you get a little bit weird?

And, I don't know, intense?

Spend a lot of time humming.

Right on the table.

As nasty as you want to be. Hey, Schmidt, what do you think it's gonna look like?

What do I think it's going to look like...?

- Yeah, the puzzle. - Winston, it's on the box.

The... the picture's on the box.

- It's a Japanese garden! - Schmidt, calm down. What is your problem?

Two women are in love with me.

The problem is, is I'm in love with both of them.

Okay, looks like you're gonna have to choose.

Cece and I, we have this connection.

You know, it's physical... it's unhealthy.

Look, I don't want to get too graphic with you, but I'm not just the plug with her.

I'm also a socket.

God... okay, fine.

- Schmidt, choose Cece. - Yeah, but...

- I was dating Elizabeth first, so... - Mm-hmm.

Wait a minute... Winston... I was dating Elizabeth first.

- You want to know what I think? - No, I don't. Done.

Decided. Ha!

Cece, out.

I was dating Elizabeth first.

- My man! Way to talk that out. - Yeah.

- Best friends. - Best friends.

- This is gonna work out, man. - Yeah, it's gonna work out, man.

So, in conclusion,

it's a... you know, it's a very difficult decision

that I've had to... that, you know, that you guys have put me in,

here, but I just... I'm gonna be candid.

I've been up for 24 hours. I have to return all of these gifts.

So just say it.

You don't want to be with me.

Wh...

huh?

Look... look at that.

I just looked down and I thought, "This girl must be wearing sneakers

"with shoelaces, and th-those shoelaces must be tied together,

because this girl is straight trippin', yo."

- What? - Of course I want to be with you.

But I feel so terrible for Elizabeth.

How did she take it?

Sh... She took it.

In the marketplace of ideas, where...

culture is king, and data moves faster than people,

where scalable opportunities come from turnkey solutions...

What are you trying to say, Schmidt? Is it over?

No... no.

As if.

Of course I picked you. It wasn't even close.

Come here, you crazy white girl.

There it is.

- Poor Cece. - Uh, yeah, okay.

Oh...

I fell asleep.

How long have you been driving?

Those cops look like they're about 15 and they have huge guns.

Jess, are we in Mexico?

All in!

We're in Mexico!

Oh, my God, pull over! That piñata's shaped like a monkey!

You know what?

It's gonna be weird going back to having sex

without a bunch of feral dogs watching.

Why am I not hungry? I should be hungry.

Remember when we lived in that loft, and, like, we had all those problems?

Yeah.

All in!

Voice mail?

Again?

Where have you been? It's been four days, man.

Have you really been doing it with Jess this whole time?

That's disgusting.

Nick, I did something really wrong, and, uh...

I just... I need to talk to you. I need to talk to my friend.

Come home.

Yeah, I should try him again.

Dial best friend... one.

- Let's stay here. - We're totally out of money.

- We got this great setup. - No, this is not

- gonna last long. - It's not gonna last long. It isn't.

This is a badly built shelter.

We'll go right there.

How hard could that place be to sneak into?

You all in?

Nick, this has been fun, but...

Okay, look, everything that's bad is waiting for us back in the loft.

But here?

I'm Paradise Nick.

And Paradise Nick is mega-chill.

And you're Paradise Jess, right?

We can make food and just...

- All in. - All in.

It don't work like that. If you... uh...

- Hey, man, how'd she take it? - Devastated. I'm sure glad that's settled.

- Hey, man, I'm gonna go shower. - I'm proud of you.

I know it must have been tough.

Hey, Schmidt, who do you call if puzzle pieces are broken?

Oh. Hey, Winston. Is, uh, is Schmidt home?

Cece.

Oh, my goodness. Hi.

Do you need a hug?

All right.

Is Schmidt even here, Winston?

Yeah. Yeah, he's in the shower. Um...

Cece, I just want to say,

on my end, that I am so, so sorry.

- Sorry about what? - You know, uh... Elizabeth.

- Well, what about Elizabeth? - He made love to her.

Winston made love to Elizabeth.

After I chose you, Winston was all too quick,

in Elizabeth's vulnerable state, to rush in there and just get his jollies off.

His sweaty, disgusting jollies.