The Whole Wide World

I met Bob Howard today.

My old sweetheart Clyde brought him over.

It's Clyde.

Keep that joker outside.

Hey.

Hi, Clyde.

Why don't you sit down?

No, I can't stay too long.

Bob and I are headed up to Cross Plains.

May I?

Bob who?

Howard.

You wanted to meet him?

Your writer friend?

Ooh, possibly.

Yeah, I want to meet him.

Why don't you bring him up to the house,

and I'll go get another chair?

Can't you just come out to the car?

Bob's...

He's scared of your grandmother.

What did you tell him?

Only the truth.

Ah, forget it I'll bring him by another time.

Wait I'm coming.

- Howdy. - Hi.

Bob, I'd like you to meet Novalyne Price.

Novalyne, this is Bob Howard,

also known as Robert E. Howard.

Bob's the greatest pulp writer in the whole world.

Clyde tells me you write.

I try.

I haven't sold anything yet.

You going to Daniel Baker College?

Mm-hmm, every other year.

I teach for my tuition money.

I was too dumb for college.

So, what kind of yarns do you write?

I've sent a couple stories to the confession magazines.

I think the editor meets them at the post office

and throws them right back in the return mail.

It's tough getting started.

How'd you get started?

I had lots of other jobs,

None of them any good.

Clerking in a store's got to be

one of the worst damn jobs a man can have.

I decided the only way I could keep from working

was to start writing.

That's working, isn't it?

You're damn right it is,

only I stay at home.

I'm the boss typewriter's the employee no arguments.

Do you practice?

I read the magazines I write for.

- The pulps. - Yes.

They don't pay much.

Half a cent a word mostly so I stretch my yarns.

That's easy for me though I'm verbose.

I got plenty of words.

Do you try to write like the guys in the magazines?

Hell, no.

Let them try to write like me.

Bob's got a character going now called Conan.

Conan's the damnedest bastard there ever was.

Where can I find your stories?

Weird Tales publishes most of them.

Novalyne would never pick up a copy of that.

How much are you willing to bet?

What kind of magazines do you read?

In high school I read Smart Set, Cosmopolitan,

Saturday Evening Post, what?

H.L. Mencken's rags.

Man who looks in the mirror.

Thinks he's shaving the face of God.

Thank you.

I've enjoyed meeting you, Bob.

I'd looked forward to it for a long time.

Thanks.

I've enjoyed it too.

Keep writing.

Bye.

Bye, bye, now.

Good afternoon.

As most of you know my name is Booth Adams.

I'm the town mayor at least for the time being.

I take a great interest in Cross Plains High.

We've got a great school,

and we're gonna have a great school year.

You as teachers are responsible not only for the

education of the children entrusted into your care,

but for their spiritual welfare as well.

These children must have good examples,

and teachers are their examples.

Now, that is a man, Ethel.

Oh, my, yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Mrs. Smith will be right with you.

Oh, look they've got pecan pie.

Sorry, Ethel, the school board

won't allow us to have pie.

That's enough, Novalyne.

- Who's that? - That's Dr. Howard.

Do you know Bob Howard?

- I know Robert Howard. - That's the one.

Robert Howard, the writer.

That's his daddy.

Does Bob ever come in here?

No, he doesn't.

I'll see him in the post office sometimes.

I've been told that he's kind of odd.

You got that right.

Well, I've met Bob and he's very nice.

Well, I'll tell you one thing he's not very friendly.

And the stories he writes, well

Well, what?

Well, Dr. Howard brought one in one time.

It was filthy not something a young lady would read.

Do you have a telephone?

It's right over there.

Operator.

Yes, Howard residence please.

I'll connect you.

Hello, who is this?

This is Novalyne Price.

I'm a new teacher here in town.

Is Bob there?

Robert's in Brownwood.

Can you have him call me when he gets in?

I'm boarding at Mrs. Hemphill's.

He can call me there.

I'll tell him goodbye.

Is he still writing?

Of course he is.

Oh, well, I'm interested in writing too, so.

Sure you are.

Have you heard from that young man?

You mean Robert Howard no.

Well, he's shy I hear.

Shy?

I'm the one who's supposed to be shy,

and I've called him about a zillion times.

Every single time his mother tells me,

"Oh, he's writing he can't come to the phone",

or "He's out of town but I'll tell him you called."

"I'll tell him you called."

You know, I bet she's never told him that I called.

I bet that's it.

I'm sorry but that just makes me so damn mad.

Oh, God, Ethel, you've never said damn on a Sunday?

Well, Lord, no.

Think of the children.

What children?

Do you see any children in here

for me to defile with my damns?

Good, let's get going.

Morning, cousin.

Girls and I are gonna take a little ride after church.

Would you like to join us?

Yes, yes, I would.

Oh, I'm sorry, Ethel.

There's not room for you maybe next time.

Shouldn't go running over to a man's house,

especially one who's not returned any of your phone calls.

He's not interested in you, Novalyne.

Enid, I'm only gonna ask Bob a question that's all.

I'm not gonna ask for his hand in marriage,

and I'm not throwing myself at him.

How do I look?

Well, to ask a question you look just fine.

He stepped closer as if impelled

by a powerful fascination.

Without the slightest warning

he grabbed her up in a bearlike grasp.

She screamed a very ungoddess like scream,

and there was a sound of ripping silk

as with one ruthless wrench he tore off her skirt.

Goddess, ha.

You're Muriela, Zargheba's dancing girl.

This crescentshaped birthmark on your thigh proves it.

I saw it once when Zargheba was whipping you.

A year ago I saw you and Akbitana with that swine.

I don't forget faces or women's figures.

Yeah?

Uh, hi.

I'd like to see Bob, please?

Bob.

Yes, I'd like to talk to Bob.

Mama, somebody out here wants to see Robert.

She can't, can she?

Who is it?

It's Novalyne Price.

Well, Robert's busy.

Hello.

Hello.

Come in how you been?

Hi, fine.

Well, come on in and meet my folks.

Mother?

This is Novalyne Price.