Only Murders in the Building

- So, what do we know about my daughter's murder and the theft?

- Why don't you ask these three? They're the ones that probably did it.

We were framed.

- We're persons of interest. It's very different.

So what we need to do is break into Bunny's apartment.

We find a clue that isn't us.

Don't you want to clear your name, too?

Bunny had a bird?

Mrs. Gambolini.

Stuff it up your ass.

- Start scouring! Any paper you find, put in this bag.

I would just like to assure all of you,

as the new Board President,

I will not let Bunny's demise adversely affect the building.

I'm in charge now,

and a new era begins.

Don't get me started on Nina.

If you thought Bunny was a bitch,

wait till you get a load of this one.

- So I took a closer look at Bunny's will.

There's something she wanted you to have.

No! Absolutely not.

Hey!

Hey!

I know who did it!

The perfect crime?

Oh, so very nearly.

But there's one thing the killer did not anticipate.

A witness.

Who has bravely agreed to an Only Murders in the Building exclusive.

So, tell our listeners,

who killed Bunny Folger?

Fuck off, Oliver.

- No, you fuck off, Mrs. Gambolini! You said you know who did it!

Who did it? - It's just perfect

that Bunny had a pet as obnoxious as she was.

- Hey, that's my maybe half-sister you're talking about.

Yeah, explain that to me one more time.

Well, it's simple.

My dad maybe slept with Bunny's mom,

a-and that potential sex could have been unprotected,

and that possibly unprotected potential sex

could have resulted in a half-sister I never knew until it was too late.

- Are you done? Please say yes. - Yes.

- Great. - No.

I kissed Bunny on the lips.

- You did what? - What?

- Yeah. It was at a Christmas party, and we were saying goodbye,

and we were just gonna kiss each other on the cheek, but we missed,

and we were on the lips,

and we'd had a few eggnogs,

so we kinda got into it, and then we just stayed there

and sloshed around a little bit, and that's not so bad, right?

Can you deal with this, please?

Yeah, sure.

Alright. We have two options here.

I slap you across the face and say, "Snap out of it!"

Or we just skip to the part where you say,

"Thanks, kid. That was tough to hear, but I needed it."

Uh, not the slapping one.

Cool.

- Who did it?! Who did it?

- God, you are the most difficult animal I have ever directed.

And I did a production of The Elephant Man with a real elephant.

- Oliver, have you tried talking to her as if you were Bunny?

W-why would I ever...

Mrs. Gambolini. It's me, Bunny.

What the fuck happened to me, huh?

- That was a terrible Bunny. The key to a good Bunny

is raising your voice without raising your voice.

Mrs. Gambolini, why the fuck am I dead?

No, no, that's dreadful.

You're missing the smile that doesn't reach the dead eyes.

This won't take long

unless you make it take long.

This won't take long

unless you make it take long.

- Yeah, but we're doing Bunny. - Oh, geez.

Listen to this.

If you're a murderer, stop murdering!

Yeah, well-- - Hey!

We need to start making progress here.

Alright. What do we know?

Bunny was killed with a knitting needle

and a still-missing knife.

Her last words

were "14" and "savage."

- She got notes threatening her to give up her pricey painting

of your dad's jiminy sack or else.

- Yeah, and where is the original... My dad's what?

- His jiminy sack? Did I just make that up?

Hey, look at this. Receipts.

From March 12th.

The day that Bunny died.

We saw Bunny that day.

Uh-- Okay. Tha-that's very good. Okay.

What would your last day on Earth be like?

It's a good question.

Will it be like any other,

or will it point to it being your time?

As we recreate Bunny's,

we hope it will take us to clues,

suspects,

and please, dear God,

not the subway.

Wake up. Wake up.

Wake up.

Wake up! Bunny!

Wake up! - Mm, shut up,

or I'll come over there and hit your snooze button.

I can't believe this is my last day.

As Board President.

That asshole's getting rid of all the gifted

and talented programs in our schools. He wants our kids stupid.

Also, he works out at the YMCA.

In Park Slope, Brooklyn.

I just don't understand what's going on in the city anymore.

There's a Starbucks on every corner.

You can't even get a decent bagel anywhere.

All the bridges keep changing names.

It is not the same New York City I grew up in, that's for sure.

Ah, that.

Same circus, different clowns.

Fire Dolan.

You said it.

"Twenty-nine years as Board President.

"I inherited the position from my mother.

"You know, she warned me that part of the job

"would be dealing with pests.

What she didn't say was the tenants were the pests."

Pause for laugh. "Of course, I'm kidding.

"Serving you...

has been one of the great honors of my..."

I'm not gonna let those fuckers see me cry.

I guess quiet time is over.

Good morning, Bunny!

You watch the game last night?

- Yeah. Why do you think I'm in a bad mood?

Ooh.

We should catch a game someday, now with all your free time.

Yeah. That'd be great, Tommy.

See you later. - Okay, Bunny.

Lin-sanity!

Oh, what a lovely mess to come home to!

Don't worry, Lester. I've got it.

You're as useless as tits on a nun.

Sorry. I'm eating cake.

- And I'm still president of this place for another few hours.

There's still time to replace you, you know?

Yeah, yeah, I know.

- Tell Lorraine I hope her knee is better. - Mm-hmm. Will do.

- Before I forget, elevator inspection invoice.

- Oh. - You know,

this place is gonna fall apart without you.

- You're going to say the same thing when Nina's in charge.

Ah! I'd never!

So, what are you gonna do with all your free time?

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I've been looking at a spot in Boca.

Turns out, there are places on the planet

without winter.

What's going on over there?

- We reach the basement, and I immediately identify the problem.

I said, "Mabel! The ductwork around the down-flow furnace

"has been tampered with. Quick!

Flip the damper and detach that hose!"

- Huh? I just remember you saying "thing" a lot. Like,

"Put the thing on the thing!" And then, "The thing and the thing!"

Oh! And Charles,

how was it doing battle with your girlfriend?

- Oh, well, to be honest, there wasn't so much thinking...

That was probably the poison.

- ...as doing. With a gun pointed at me, I commandeered a vehicle.

- A dog stroller. - I drove it into Jan. She fired!

Bang! The bullet hit me!

- No. - Hit near me. And then I dodged.

And then I knocked the gun from her grasp!

- And then Mabel came in and punched Jan in the face.

I mean, I did lay her out.

Oh, hey, Bunny.

Ah! Bun-Bun! We saved you some cake.

Rule 5.05.

No gatherings of more than 12

in a communal area

without the approval of the board.

May we have your approval?

No. Is that an open flame?

Oh, come on. I mean,

it's the almost one-week anniversary of them saving the building.

You should be thanking them.

And I'll thank you to stay outta this!

Oh! I just got Bunny'd!

- You know, for a while, I thought you were the killer

because Tim was behind on his building fees,

and I distrust women in positions of power.

- God no, Marv. - No, Marv, no. Shh.

Do you have a permit to sell those?

Uh... I do not.

- Commercial sales are prohibited from the Arconia

without a board-issued permit.