Girls

I'm the new hostess at the Wedgebrook Club.

A hostess?

Why are you saying it like that?

I think our political beliefs are just too different

and that we should just be friends.

This always happens.

Well, Sandy and I broke up, so that's over.

- Oh, God, that sucks. - Oh, I'm so surprised. What happened?

You're not planning on telling her anything you're not supposed to, are you?

I don't think it's really fair to Hannah

and I don't want a secret like this to exist between us.

Adam, I'm not kidding.

I would really like you to go away.

- Make me. - I'm seriously not joking.

What's the complaint here?

Hannah, did you call 911?

Well, you were stalking me.

You have the right to remain silent.

I'm gonna talk to you, Hannah, all the time.

I'm just gonna keep calling 'cause I'm crazy!

Oh, my God. I have to do this again?

What I want is I want 14 more of the same pair,

but I want them in sunglasses.

Thank you.

Hi. Are you Hannah?

Hi. Yeah. Are you Jamie?

- Jame. - Oh, okay.

- Yeah. - I'll just grab...

Oh, okay, we're just gonna do this here.

- Hey. - Hi.

Thank you so much for making the time to see me.

- I really appreciate it. - Yeah, sure. It's no problem.

So it's only the Internet,

but we do pay 200 bucks an article.

And you don't seem that fancy, so...

Wait. So are you hiring me?

Well, it's a freelance thing, so I'm not hiring you per se,

but you seem super sweet.

All I want is just to write something that you'll be excited to publish.

I mean, is there something you want me to explore specifically?

You could have a threesome

with some people that you meet on craigslist

or do a whole bunch of coke and then just write about it.

Okay, * the threesome,

that is something that I just... I feel like I have enough trouble

just figuring out where to place my attention on one person's body,

which is something I'd write about for sure.

In terms of cocaine, I've never done it before.

Even better!

Well, the reason I've never done it before

is because I have weird nasal passages.

Okay. It's just an idea.

You know what? Did you see my sign?

This... this sign?

Yeah, I'm seeing it now.

You get it, right?

Yeah, I get it. Of course I get it.

Here's your comfort zone.

This is where the magic happens.

So, like, the magic happens outside your comfort zone.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Enjoy the blouse.

- You know... - I'll take that.

one of Tom Petty's Heartbreakers gave me

a lovely compliment on it once.

They don't construct a sleeve like that anymore.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Hey!

This is a way more serious operation than I thought.

Don't you need, like, a vendor's license for this?

- That would ruin the whole point. - What is the point?

Oh, I love it when you get stroppy.

Ever since you started having sex.

Not because I started having sex, okay?

It is because I didn't get any sleep last night

because Ray only wants to watch old episodes

of "Ally McBeal" all night long.

And I'm like, "Excuse me, I have to be somewhere

in the morning, unlike you."

Jessa, do you happen to know where I can procure some cocaine today?

Who's it for? Adam?

No, it's for me to snort for work

because I'm planning to write an article that exposes

all of my vulnerabilities to the entire Internet.

Well, in that case, why don't you just ask the creepy guy

who lives on the ground floor of your building?

Laird? I'm not asking him for anything.

That guy looks like he has leprosy.

What do you think leprosy looks like?

He's a junkie.

How do you know he's a junkie?

I asked him.

I mean, we were talking once by the mailboxes.

Oh, yeah, totally.

All the junkies in my building hang out by the mailboxes.

- Who is it? - Hannah.

Hannah.

I'm glad to finally see your place.

- I hope I'm not disturbing you. - Oh, no.

No, I'm just trying to come up with a new Wi-Fi network name,

and it's pretty intimidating because yours is so good.

Oh, you... Muffins Are Tasty?

No, no.

I liked when it was Madame Ovaries.

Oh. You know, I liked that, too,

but it's like new roommate, new Wi-Fi network.

It was disappointing to let it go.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Would you... would you care to sit down?

Oh, maybe I could just sit on your ottoman?

Oh, yeah, yeah. You can... sure.

Hey, so why'd Marnie move out?

I mean, I know you two are really different.

You know, you get different magazine subscriptions

and have different schedules and all that.

It almost seems like you shouldn't be roommates, but...

Oh, my God, you have a turtle?

Yeah.

Yeah, and, um...

I'll never not have it.

He's really cute.

Thanks.

He can be a real asshole sometimes, though.

Um, would you like some pomegranate juice?

Sure.

I'm an addict.

- I'm just gonna go to the fridge. - Okay.

Hey, how much can you guys hear me upstairs?

Not that much, really.

Really? 'Cause I can hear you.

You know, I was actually... I don't wanna keep you,

but I was just dropping by so that I could...

No, I get it. I think it's great.

You made the first move.

We've been seeing each other in the halls a lot

and we should meet, but we're both being

really shy about saying hi and...

Yeah, I feel... for sure, I feel the same way.

And I also... um, let's see.

How do I articulate this properly?

I need some cocaine.

And I know that you're a junkie,

which I do not want you to think I'm judging.

I am completely cool with it

and get that it takes what it takes to get through life.

I'm clean now.

Oh, my God. Wow.

Congratulations.

I'm so sorry. You didn't look clean, so I just...

Hannah...

you don't wanna get started with this stuff.

Okay, so then you're saying I should ask someone else for the coke.

No. I mean, I still know guys.

And... I've always wanted to do something for you.

Oh, my God. Thank God.

Sweetheart, could you help me out?

Uh, of course.

My friends here are not being very much fun.

All they wanna talk about is work.

- Aw, that sounds awful. - Yeah.

Now, if you'd bring us a bottle of your finest sauvignon blanc,

maybe my friends here will try and be a little more fun.

Of course. I'll get on that.

I'll bring it right back, gentlemen.

Maddie.

Maddie, I see you.

- Hey, Booth. - Hey.

Oh.

It's Marnie, but hello.

Welcome.

Oh. So you work here, huh?

That's fucking depressing.

It's a job. It pays.

I'm sorry there weren't a bajillion curatorial openings in the city.

Oh, I... I love that.

- You love what? - I love when young people

are passionate about something

and then they just give up

the second that they have to struggle.

I'm sorry I'm not more like you.

You're like a con man who somehow talks people

into paying way too much money for derivative art,

like convincing anyone who's never heard of Damien Hirst

that you're a genius.

I like being talked to like that.

- Ugh. - It's surprising.

When was the last time you had sex?

What?

- Come with me. - Who do you think I am?

Oh, I think you're a person who is about to have sex with me.

Stop. I'm working.

What are you gonna wear tonight?

- This probably. - Oh, no. Hannah, no.

You've never done coke before, so let me explain something.

This is not gonna be a night of driving around in your mom's Volvo

with a bottle of cough syrup and a box of cold McNuggets.

You know, I am so excited about this, actually.

Now that we have the coke, the scary part is over.