Drop Dead Diva

The highly anticipated now life season premiere present

Of "drop dead diva,"

With special guest star Paula abdul.

Do I look like a 24-year-old blond model?

Is that a trick question?

Last season...

I call it the toe tap/booty bounce.

...Heaven brought gorgeous model deb back as Jane,

A superbusy lawyer.

Do you en own a mirror?

You're my guardian angel?

Yeah, I'm afraid so.

Okay, make me skinny and hot.

I'm an angel, not a wizard.

Ever since d died, I feel like she's not really gone.

I want my old life back.

Jane: I am not a morning person.

I don't like schedules or meetings

Or windows that don't open.

Ask something. Um...

What's t t square root of 113?

It's a prime number. Trick question!

Are you okay? I'm smart!

Yeah, you are.

Just when things were starting to look up,

Life got even more complicated.

This whole case is a scam.

You will say nothing because you're not allowed to.

Who says?

The California state bar. Attorney/client privilege.

My career is over if I pursue this.

It was so much easier when I wasn't as smart.

Maybe it's time I left old Jane's life behind

And concentrated on me - new Jane.

I was thinking we could take a weekend.

And you would be...?

Jane's husband.

Announcer: Tonight... Why didn't you tell me about my husband?

Jane: I can't risk being disbarred

Before my case reaches a verdict.

Well, I guess you better fight that disbarment.

This place wouldn't be the same without you.

How much longer on the fries? We got customers.

Excuse me. Grayson!

Uh, what are you doing here?

Ordering lunch. What are you doing here?

Well...

You work at hot dog on a stick?

Well, as you've heard, my client used me to defraud a hospital,

And I turned him in to the d.A.,

And now I'm facing disbarment.

So, the only court that will have me is a food court.

I'm sorry. That's awful.

Well, it's wrong, but what am I gonna do?

How about get me my fries?

Oh. Yeah.

Jane. Judge Paula abdul!

Veritas vos liberabit.

"the truth will set me free."

The truth has set you free.

But you got to promise me something, Jane -

That you're gonna stay true to who you are no matter what.

I promise.

Really?

Would I lie to you, judge Paula abdul?

[ the eurythmics' "would I lie to you?" plays ]

* would I lie to you? *

* oh, yeah *

* would I lie to you, honey? *

* no, no, no *

* now, would I say something that wasn't true? *

* I'm asking you, sugar, would I lie-ie-ie to you? *

* my friends know what's in store *

* I won't be here anymore *

* I've packed my bags *

* I've cleaned the floor *

* watch me walking *

* walking out the door *

* believe me *

* I'll make it, make it *

* would I lie to you? *

* would I lie to you, honey? *

* honey, would I lie to you? *

* now, would I say something that wasn't true? *

* I'm asking you, sugar, would I lie-ie-ie to you? *

* tell you straight, no intervention *

* to your face, no deception *

* you're the biggest fake *

* that much is true *

* had all I can take *

* now I'm leaving you, you, you, you, you *

* oh, oh, oh *

* would I lie to you? *

* would I lie to you, honey? *

* now, would I say something that wasn't true? *

* I'm asking you, sugar *

* would I l-ie- to you, you, you, you? *

* you, you, you, you *

Jane!

Hi.

You were singing.

And I was dancing.

You were dreaming again.

I was selling hot dogs on sticks.

So it was a dirty dream?

Ohh. My head hurts. Did we drink last night?

Your head hurts because your husband showed up

And you passed out.

Yeah, I was kind of hoping

My husband was part of the dream.

You know, and just when I was getting a handle on her life.

Is he still out there?

I sent him away. But you're meeting him for lunch.

Ugh. I don't get it.

No one in my life has ever mentioned a husband to me.

He's your secret husband.

Who has a secret husband?

Maybe you're like Julia Roberts in "sleeping with the enemy"

And you're on the run.

Thank you. I feel so much better now.

Or like Sandra bullock in "the proposal"

And it was a green-card wedding you kept secret.

He was wearing plaid, so maybe he's from Canada.

Our great neighbor to the South.

At lunch, you can ask him everything.

But right now, you have to get to work.

Oh. No, no, sweetie. I'm being disbarred.

So I don't have to go to work anymore.

Mnh-mnh, teri just called and said

Your final paycheck will be on your desk at 10:00 A.M.

And our rent is due...

Yesterday.

Jane, thank God you're here.

Oh, it's nice to see you, too.

But I'm just here to get my paycheck.

Which won't be ready till Friday.

But you told Stacy -

I had to get you to the office.

You have client waiting. What?

Teri, you're not the one with amnesia,

So you should recall that I don't work here anymore.

You made a commitment to the center for justice

To take on a pro Bono case.

And you're still a lawyer until you're officially disbarred.

no.

Look, the paralegals have done all the prep work.

You just need to rep the client in court.

the trial was supposed to be in a few weeks.

But given the circumstances, it's been expedited.

What circumstances?

Jackie was born with an enlarged heart.

Her cardiologist says

That if she doesn't have the procedure soon, she's...

Uh, your file says that you're covered by insurance

And that she's a qualified dependent.

They refuse to pay for the surgery.

They say the procedure is experimental.

Translation - they're trying to save a buck.

And she needs a special kind of pacemaker

That retrains the back muscles to contract around the heart.

It's her only chance.

According to the a.M.A,

The experimental procedure has already saved 29 lives.

Jackie should be number 30.

Okay, you should know that I'm being disbarred.

Which has nothing to do with her qualifications

As a top-notch lawyer.

Nevertheless, maybe you should find someone

Whose status as a lawyer is not in question.

There's no time.

Her condition has deteriorated over the past few days.

The trial has been moved up to this afternoon.

Mama?

Yes?

Maggie says she wants to be your baby.

But, honey, Maggie is your doll.

You'll take good care of her.

Right, mommy?

Just one second.

If you had called the center for justice yesterday,

You could have gotten another lawyer assigned to this case.

She doesn't need another lawyer. She needs you.

It is not fair to get that woman's hopes up!

What if I get disbarred mid-trial? What's gonna happen?

Well, I guess you better fight that disbarment.

You did this all on purpose, didn't you?

The world works in mysterious ways.

I did take the liberty of finding you an attorney

To represent you at the disbarment hearing.

He's waiting in the conference room.

What attorney?

Let's just say I found someone who believes in you.

Hi. Hi.

I'm Tony Nicastro, and with your permission,

I'll be representing you in your disbarment hearing.

Oh.

And if it's not inappropriate, may I say you look radiant.

Well, thank you.

And for the record, it's never inappropriate.

I tried to call you last night, but it went to your voicemail.