Better With You

Maddie, it's dad.

Oh, hey, dad. How's it going? There's no time for that, woman! I have news!

O-okay.

Listen to me carefully. Our oven is broken.

We can't get it fixed until after Thanksgiving.

Oh, my God. We can't have Thanksgiving at your house.

Mom's not gonna cook.

I never thought this day would come! It's a Thanksgiving miracle!

So we don't have to eat

one of mom's weird experimental turkeys this year?

Not if we play our cards right. I'm so happy.

I love you, dad. I love you, too, honey.

Ben Coles, manager. There's no time for that!

My parents' stove is broken, so...

your mom's not gonna cook!

I don't have to pretend I like black licorice turkey?

Here's the plan... we're gonna steal Thanksgiving.

Oh, power play. I love it! We'll have it at our place if you're okay with it.

We can have it in my butt

if it means I get to eat a normal turkey.

I love you so much, maddie. I love you, too, honey.

Hello? Mia, it's maddie.

Stop screwing around! Did you hear about the oven?

We're gonna have it at my apartment. I don't think anyone has ever

loved their sister more than I love you right now. I love you, too.

Oh, hang on, it's dad. I'll conference him in.

Hey, dad. You're on with Mia, too.

I just wanted to tell you girls again

how much I love you.

We love you, too, dad.

Ben Coles, manager.

Ben, it's Joel Putney.

I just wanted to tell you that I love you.

Good-bye.

All right, we've got one shot at this. If we play it right,

we'll be eating normal turkeys for the rest of our lives. Are they really that bad?

They're like a car accident in your mouth.

Who's ready for green Irish mint turkey?

Hot banana pepper turkey?

Turkey!

Looks almost normal.

With maple syrup, and stuffed with shrimp and raisins!

Now remember, mom has low blood sugar,

so let's get some juice in her

while we broach the topic of moving Thanksgiving dinner.

Low-blood-sugar vicky pinches when she's angry. Ow!

Yeah, and when she's excited.

But you kids did not need to know that.

Good news! I was watching the food network this morning,

and it turns out you can microwave a turkey

and it tastes just as good. So Thanksgiving is back on!

So, mom...

We were thinking that maybe this year,

because of your oven problem,

we... could do Thanksgiving at our apartment,

and I could cook.

Fresh orange juice, mom?

Not do Thanksgiving at our place?

We always do Thanksgiving at our place.

Keep drinking the juice, mom. Don't stop drinking that juice.

I am surprised that you would even want to host Thanksgiving.

I mean, that's something that married people do. Hey.

We wake up every morning and choose to be together.

That is a valid life choice. Why do you always have to

compare it to marriage? Our relationship is just

as legitimate and actually, in a lot of ways... you're going off-point. Bring it back.

Uh, I-I'd just really love to cook for everyone.

All right. Let's give it a shot.

What kind of turkey were you thinking of making? Oh, uh, actually,

I was thinking of using grandma Putney's recipe. God rest her soul.

Oh, no. What happened to grandma Putney's soul?

Five years ago, my mother died of natural causes. Oh.

Or Ben killed her. Either/or.

Dad, please.

I didn't kill anybody, Mr. Putney.

Eh, you were the last one to see her alive. I'm just sayin'.

Can we not do this

every time someone brings up your mother?

Do I think you travel around the country

killing old women? No.

But some of her jewelry was missing,

so that's opportunity and motive.

I'm just saying.

Okay, I have to say, killing someone

just doesn't sound like Ben.

But stealing an old lady's jewelry?

Mm... I can see that.

Okay! Mom and dad are on their way up.

We need to keep her away from the turkey if this power play's

gonna work. Don't worry. I am all over it.

I have got the perfect way to distract her. Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey! Hi!

I better get started on my traditional job

of watching football and folding napkins into interesting shapes.

Last year... triangle. This year...

Praying mantis.

I've been practicing.

Wow, you can really do that? I am quite an accomplished napkin artiste, yes.

Maddie, I have brought you something.

Now...

This cooking syringe will be your best friend...

you can inject anything.

Before you say no,

I have already filled it with coffee

and cinnamon horseradish

get rid of that awful turkey taste.

Thanks, mom, but I was kind of thinking

no surgical instruments this year.

Well, look, I'm...

I'm just trying to help.

I mean, if I'm not helping, what else am I doing?

You're doing a puzzle with me.

Puzzles are for children and mental patients.

Walk with me.

My family always does a puzzle on Thanksgiving.

Every time you add a piece,

you hit your counter.

Whoever has the most points, or the highest score,

when the puzzle's finished, wins.

Well, I was just planning to stand behind maddie

and make disapproving noises,

but sure, why not? It sounds fun.

Before we start, I just wanna tell you

how much it means to me that you are going to help

carry on my family's tradition.

Shall we begin? Absolutely, honey. And I just wanna tell you...

eat it, Putney! You suck!

Oh! There is also trash talk.

Uh, what are you doing back here?

Maddie asked me to get the candlesticks. Uh, you know what? I'll do it.

I-I don't want you to hurt your back. They're heavy.

They're candlesticks.

Are you insulting my pilates? Because it's a real exercise!

Look, look. I'll... I'll handle it.

Are you hiding something in there, Ben?

Huh? Is it a present?

Is it for me? Aw, Ben, what'd ya get me?

Nothing. Just let me get the candlesticks.

Okay, all right, all right. Thank you.

No!

My grandma's ring.

Oh, my God.

You did rob and kill grandma Putney!

I did not rob and kill your grandmother! Then why do you have her ring?

And keep your hands where I can see them! Grandma Putney gave me that ring.

Why would she do that? She was saving it for me or maddie,

whichever one of us got married first, she... No way! Mia, calm down.

I can't! This is huge! You were gonna propose? Okay, yes, yes, yes. The reason

I went to your grandmother's house that day was to

get the ring. I was gonna give it to maddie when I proposed. Oh, I feel like my brain is short-circuiting.

Will you just give me the ring and forget about this? Forget about it?

I don't even know what happened. Did you propose?

Did you chicken out? Let it go!

Oh, did she say "no" and you stayed with her anyway?

Don't you have any dignity, Ben? Mia, what's taking so?

God, she's coming! Put it back, put it back! Um...

Now listen, she never knew anything about this,

so you can't tell her. Not one word!

I did it! I got the turkey in clean.

Nothing painted on, stuffed inside, or injected into it.

Casey's puzzle is distracting mom. The power grab is working!

Oh, there they are. Yeah.

Ah, turns out it was, uh, Mia in the hallway

with the candlesticks.

Seriously, Mia!

You cannot tell anyone about the ring...

Or the fact that you were able

to throw me to the ground so easily.

I was a division 3 wrestling champion.

Runnerp.

Napkins... are done.

Your mission... protect laps.

Yay. I got one.

Oh, wow! A corner piece.

That's really tough.

Okay, if you're so confident you're going to win,

let's say we put some money on it.

How's 50 bucks? Oh! That sounds interesting.

I'll put 50 bucks on the missus.

Done.

By the way, I plan on donating my winnings

to a charity that teaches old people how to do puzzles.

I can't believe they're still doing that puzzle.

It's been like four hours. You gotta try this.

Mmm! Wow. It tastes like gravy. What is it?

It's gravy!

I can't believe it. It's brown and not fizzing.

Yeah. It's amazing what not adding butterscotch,

pickle juice, or fresca will do. Yeah.

Give me the ring. I don't have it.

Well, where is it? I went to find a better hiding spot,

and it's not in the closet! I put it back, I swear!

I looked behind all the tablecloths,

and there is no ring. I put it inside one of the tablecloths.

All you had to do was put e ring back! How hard is that?

Well, all you had to do was put the ring on my sister's finger.

How hard is that? Ohh. Well, I got a finger for you.

Ugh. Wanna guess which one?

Ben, do not do sassy neck, okay? It doesn't work for you.

Boy, are you moving slow.