Upstairs Downstairs

First-class passengers

please make your way to gangplank A. Gangplank A, please.

I'm sorry, Hallam, I had to go back for my flowers.

- Do you really need them? - They were a gift!

From the Foreign Secretary.

I'm going to display them in our suite at the Dorchester.

With the card, where people can see.

King's condition grave! King's condition grave!

He wasn't even ill when we left Washington.

They're saying it's bronchitis.

The Royal family have travelled up to Sandringham.

Oh, dear!

If he dies, will it change things in Whitehall?

It will change things almost everywhere.

Odd numbers are this side.

It must be further down.

It's been shut up so long

I'm surprised the lock isn't full of cobwebs.

It's like a fairy tale.

Hallam!

We're hardly newlyweds.

This is our first proper home.

Oh, my good Lord.

What a ghastly old mausoleum!

I rather thought it might be.

Oh, I am so glad I booked the builders in advance.

Hallam? Hallam!

I think the bulb's been broken.

It's as though the whole house is still sleeping.

This house is going to see such life.

There'll be lights at every window.

Bowls of lilies on every surface.

I want to sit and gaze at you each evening.

Sit, and listen to the wireless and not talk,

because I know you so well we don't have to speak at all.

Thank you.

Sir Hallam is a diplomat.

We shall entertain a great deal.

We require a butler with sommelier experience,

and a housekeeper, of course, to oil the wheels behind the scenes.

Then a parlourmaid, and chauffeur-cum-manservant,

and absolutely the best cook you can find me.

Very well, my lady.

What a splendid teapot.

It was a gift, my lady, from my late employer, Lord Bellamy of Haversham.

Do you a budget in mind for staff?

This is what my husband suggests.

I see.

Although, if you don't mind my saying so,

with a professed cook you'll be wanting a kitchen maid as well,

and a pantry boy who can double as a footman.

You'll need to account for a wage for them.

Yes, but they'd be very juvenile, and grateful for the experience, surely?

There are several possibilities in Situations Wanted.

Perhaps you could arrange for us to meet them.

And is there a nursery to consider?

I'm not entirely sure.

My husband inherited the house when we were abroad,

and his father bought it when he was in India.

The poor chap died without ever having lived there, and it's been empty for six years.

What I was hoping to ascertain, Lady Agnes,

was whether there were any children in the family?

No.

No, I'm afraid there aren't.

The house is in Eaton Place.

Number 165,

so not far to walk, when you come to carry out the interviews.

I usually...

do that here, my lady.

I'll be supervising builders,

meeting at the house will be the most convenient thing.

May I assume this is all within your powers?

Yes.

Splendid.

King's life draws to a close! King's life draws to a close!

I should buy a black hat

now he's definitely dead.

He was an exemplary monarch.

I cried on the train.

And in the street.

Of course, it's Queen Mary I'm on the rack about, being a widow myself.

It's distracting me from work.

Do you want this new position or don't you?

I can't be making decisions when I'm all wrung out like this.

Besides, you said the money was no good.

The money's never any good these days.

But there's no-one to touch you for society cuisine.

No, I don't know, Miss Buck.

I'd have to give notice at Virginia Water.

You told me you couldn't stand Virginia Water!

They're raincoat manufacturers.

And you knew that when you sent me there.

Not to mention I prefer a basement kitchen.

This one has a basement kitchen.

How do you know?

It's in Eaton Place.

Number 165.

- The Bellamy house? - Yes.

Smart young couple, they want it all done up properly.

You ought to ask if they'll take you on.

Upstairs maid again.

You'll be more secure than you are running this place.

Mrs. Thackeray, you can't turn back the clock.

Forty years I was in service to that family.

Staff were loyal, once upon a time.

Yeah, it was a one-way street.

I'll warrant you didn't get a pension,

apart from your hallmarked pot.

We'll end up dead in harness, like the King.

Gangway!

We discussed my plans for this bathtub!

It's to be plumbed in on the attic floor to make a servant's bathroom!

Beg your pardon, your ladyship.

I'm going to go to the stationer's to approve Sir Hallam's letterhead.

There are some things only I can do.

I'll join you this afternoon for the footman's interviews.

There's only one boy coming, my lady.

None of the others were keen on the terms.

Hands, please.

Hands, Ivy!

It won't hold me back.

I've won prizes for my peeling.

Is that true, Matron?

We gave her a packet of hairgrips for progress.

Everybody touch their toes.

And stand up again.

You may leave the room.

I'll race you!

Second on the left seems suitable enough.

Winnie? We're working on it, but she wets the bed.

The girl on the end looks nice and quiet.

Joyce?

Nervous. She's not ready to live in.

Puce dress?

You'll be nailing your valuables down.

You haven't brought me four to pick from,

you've brought me a choice of one!

I think you'll find that according to Mr. George Formby,

Fanlight Fanny was full of charm and beer, and stout as well.

But they're men's drinks.

Fanlight Fanny was a woman.

It's a pun, child, on the word "stout".

The lady in question was clearly well upholstered.

Get out of there at once,

you'll mark it with your shoes.

Go and wait in the kitchen, and take your friends.

Your plans for the plumbing are rather unique.

A bath in the hall will be quite an innovation.

Are you here with regard to the housekeeper's position?

What's that?

Mr. Amanjit, come quickly, they're upsetting Solomon.

Stop screaming, you'll make him worse.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Amanjit.

Poor Solomon.

He'll need sweet tea.

If there's nothing in the kitchen you must take him to a cabstand.

Very good, madam.

Every morning, as soon as he sees me open my eyes, he applauds me.

I can't tell you how that boosts one's confidence.

The monkey applauds you every morning?

Well, I don't mean Mr. Amanjit. He's my secretary.

Hallam, dear.

Are we not to kiss?

It's been quite some years.

Agnes. I would like you to meet my mother, Maud.

Let's have no embarrassment.

You would get married just when Nehru had demanded independence.

And Hallam's father simply couldn't leave his desk for a wedding in Wales.

I always hoped I would know you from your letters when we met.

Mother, the last we heard you were going to Tangier.

Oh, I stayed for three days.

It was full of the British wintering, and that sours a place like nothing else.

You know, I haven't lived in England for over 30 years.

It was time to come home.

Now, where shall I put your father?

The Sikhs refer to death as "passing through the fire".

The mantel shelf seems as good a place as any.

This will suit me very well as a study.

Please don't make hasty decisions.

There's nothing hasty about this decision, Hallam.

I always intended to write my memoirs when I had some time.

Now I have all the time in the world.

I know she'll never mention it,

the clause in father's will, that said I must provide her with a home.

Hallam,

you can provide her with a home without allowing her to commandeer whole rooms.

I was planning a cocktail party on the ground and first floors

and we can't do that now.

Why didn't you stand up to her?

I was brought up to be polite to strangers.

Besides, if I'd tried it would have proved my father right.

Proved he couldn't trust me to do the proper thing.

You always do the proper thing.

Lady Agnes?

So, John, you were trained in domestic service by the Scouts?

Yes, madam.

They ran a special camp near us, for the unemployed.

Table laying and napkin folding,

although that got a bit entertaining in the wind!

Is there no work in your own part of the world?