The Wedding Party

Here they come! Oh, I think I can see Charlie.

It looks like the boy in the photograph.

Of course, photographs are terribly misleading.

In the photograph, you know, his eyes were shut, but that happens often.

You don't think his eyes are weak, do you?

Josephine says they're beautiful, but of course she's in love with him,

so one can't expect an honest opinion from her.

She's absolutely besotted, poor child. It reminds me of when I... Well...

Do you think he'll be interested in sports?

Maybe he'll be interested in your trophies, Fish, dear?

Sir, taking your picture.

How are you, dear boy? I'm Mrs. Fish.

Are you exhausted from the journey?

No, Mrs. Fish, it was great. I've brought my friends.

This is Cecil. This is Alistair.

How do you do? Alistair, how are you? A lovely musical name.

Hey, come on, you guys. Get in the car.

- Please be careful, sir. - I can open it.

Uh, this door only opens for me.

Fish, darling, I want you to meet Charlie.

Glad to meet you, sir.

- I hope none of you is allergic to dogs. - As a matter of fact, I am.

- It's amazing. - Charlie, dear...

We all piled in the car and came as quickly as we could...

Just now, she's so busy with...

There's a car coming. You're gonna hit it. Watch out.

Mrs. Fish!

Watch...

No!

This is Blue Crab Road. Then there's Fiddler Crab.

And, oh, Charlie, there's the church where you'll be married.

I wish we could stop and say hello to Reverend Oldfield.

- I think she hit him! - No! Runs fast for a minister.

After 20 years on this island, I can't remember where the edges are.

I'll get out and push.

Oh, Baker, take care of Mr. Fish, will you?

- The sea makes him melancholy. - Yes, ma'am.

Baker, make a signal. I'm going to make a left turn now.

Baker just fell off!

Is that the house?

This house was built for people.

- Sure is a peach of a house. - Mind the third step.

I can't wait to present you.

Oh, I can't wait for you to meet Josephine's family.

Come in and meet them now.

Mrs. Adams, I'd like you to meet Charlie.

- Charlie, this is Josephine's great aunt. - Oh, how do you do?

Mr. Adams, I am so glad to meet you.

No, no, no. He's Charlie. You're Mrs. Adams. Oh, well...

- My name is Charlie. - Oh, hello, Charlie. How are you?

- How do you do? I'm Charlie. - Happy to meet you, Charlie.

- How do you do? - Charlie, so glad to meet you.

So glad.

He's an awfully young man.

What kind of a bridegroom is that?

With all that long hair. I don't know where she found him.

She couldn't have found him in the International House.

That's right. She was going with a Hindu with a beard.

Marry him?

I guess that is the boy she wants to marry.

Oh, I don't know. I find him awfully young. Don't you think?

- He chooses his own clothes? - No, I don't think he chose those.

- You don't think it's a matter of taste? - Oh, no. He's awfully silly-looking.

- Do you think so? - Yes, I'm sure of it.

I think he thinks he's fashionable.

Charlie! Charlie!

My little girl!

Hello!

Oh, no. It's not that. They dress a special way nowadays.

They all go to London and buy these special clothes,

then they come back and they wear them in our town.

She'll support a new thing. She'll support it.

She'll go out and work at Howard Johnson's...

It seems like another way of life.

I think today... Uh, I don't know what it is.

They don't work. They don't work.

Nowadays they don't work. The boys don't work, it's the girls.

I don't think it's too bad to go to college and take graduate courses.

They're not there half the time. No, they're not in college.

I won't tell you where they are, but they're not in college.

Oh, yes, they are. They're going there, but what are they doing?

That's why they're not in college. They're not there on...

- Hello, Charlie. - How do you do?

- Mrs. Lovett. Frank and Willie. - How do you do?

- Hi, Charlie. So fine meeting you. - She's going to be a bridesmaid, Charlie.

- Charlie, I'm so glad to meet you. - How do you do, Charlie?

- Phoebe, my sister. Want you to meet her. - Well, well.

This is Jean-Claude Szabo and this is Charlie.

Ninny was Josephine's nurse.

I'm very pleased to meet you, sir.

This way, Charlie. Mrs. Appleby...

Oh, I'm so sorry. I get dreadfully confused with all these...

There's so many children. It's amazing.

I don't know where they're all going to sleep. I suppose somewhere here.

- Hi, Josephine. - Oh, hi.

Excuse me.

Oh! Here they are.

Ah, so here's Charlie.

Charlie, this is Reverend Oldfield.

How do you do? I caught a glimpse of you at the church.

But it certainly is a wonderful thing to be meeting you at last, Charles.

And this is my niece, Miss Fairfax. She's going to be our organist.

- How do you do? - Pleased to meet you.

This is my cousin, Miss Gordon. She's a bridesmaid.

How do you do, Charles? Nice to meet you.

This is my aunt, Mrs. Gladstone.

- How do you do? - So glad to meet you, Charles.

- Did you have a nice trip? - Pretty nice, yes. It rained a bit.

Alistair, this is Aunt Dot.

Oh, very glad to meet you, Miss Fairfax.

- I'm Miss Fairfax. - Mrs. Gladstone. Glad to meet you, too.

- Mrs. Gladstone. - And this is Cecil.

How do you do, Cecil? I'm glad to know you.

Oh, I'd like you boys to meet the Reverend Oldfield.

- Reverend, this is Cecil. - How do you do?

I'd like you to meet my niece, uh, Celeste.

- How do you do? - Pleased to meet you.

- And this is Cecil. - How do you do?

Miss Gordon, Cecil.

Mrs. Gladstone you already know. Alistair and Cecil. Josephine...

- This is Alistair and Cecil. - Pleased to see you.

- And Jean-Claude, this is Josephine. - Met already. Hi.

Charlie, this is Josephine.

- Josephine, Charlie. - Oh, we've met.

Well, everybody seems to have met.

Hi, Charlie. Charlie, what do you think of that house?

Just look at it. It's great.

The balcony's upstairs. The veranda across the front.

Tennis courts. A flagpole. What else could you ask for?

I'd like to take those walls, rip them off. I'd like to take that veranda...

Knock off that tower. That tower on the left, just saw it off and knock it down.

Then, uh, brick up all the windows. Brick up all the windows.

And put in some nice aluminum siding. Just home it up a little bit.

Put in some nice plastic bricks. Six feet up, plastic bricks.

Then cut a bit hole where the veranda is, about six or eight feet,

and slap in some plate glass.

- Yeah, a nice picture window. - A nice picture window.

- A picture window? - A picture window.

And paint the whole thing canary yellow.

Oh, no. You have to renovate the inside.

Did you see those beds? Jump on them once, twice, you're on the floor.

- Tear down the chandeliers. - Swing on them once, you're on the floor.

Then paint the whole thing a nice flat white.

No, no, you have to put linoleum on the wall.

Linoleum on the wall! Linoleum on the wall!

And then get some nice clean, functional, Scandinavian box furniture.

Some nice clean, functional, Scandinavian box relatives...

He's right. Right now, they look like these 18-century figurines.

I'd like to put them in a room and strip them.

- Figuratively. He doesn't wanna strip them. - Oh, no.

Then I'd like to throw them all in the ocean

and take them out and put them in Bermuda shorts.

- So maybe stretch pants, eh? - Blow them out of the ocean.

Put them in bouffant hairdos, you know.

Aluminum beehives and with the stretch pants

and scrape off all that funny rice powder.

Then you really have something. Something functional. Something box.

Something suburban.

Alistair, did you notice all the women in this house?

Uh, yes, Cecil, I did notice there were an awful lot of women in this house.

About 30 women and only about five men.

- There has to be some explanation. - Yeah, they died.

- Charlie, we have a surprise for you. - I don't want any more surprises.

We have a little present for you.

- A wedding present from you? - You might call it a non-wedding present.

- A non-wedding present? - It's the key to my apartment.

The key to his apartment. Here's another key. This is key number 315.

To box number 315, Grand Central Station.

Inside that box you'll find his little black book.

Here's a key to Madame King's Swing Lounge on West 42nd Street.

If you don't like Madame King, there's always the Playboy Club.

Here's the Playboy Club key. Ask for Bunny Flo.

Look, cut it out!

- Are you two up to something? - Give us back the keys, Charlie.

Yeah, both keys.

No hard feeling, Charlie.

- Better tell him, Cecil. - Alright. Time for positive action.

Charlie? Come here, Charlie. Come here.

I wanna give you something. It is the key...

- The key, Charlie. - The key to freedom.

- Freedom. - Right there.

- In the bushes. - Is that a Duesenberg?

Some Duesenberg! That's a 514. So that's what you two have been up to, eh?

- Know how to drive stick shift? - No, I don't.

Can't you ever catch on? Look, I told you before.

I've made up my mind. I'm gonna marry Josephine!

Don't you understand? I love her!

We're not knocking love. We're not knocking love, Charlie. Calm down.

Charlie, there's love and then there's marriage.

Now we're not knocking love, we're just knocking the institution: marriage.

Love is nice. Marriage is not nice.

Alistair, what are your opinions on love and marriage?

Yes, Alistair. Do tell us, will you?

- Well, Cecil... - Oh, Cecil, listen to this.

Cecil, my life is gonna to be strange.

I'm going to live it the way I wanna live it.

I'm gonna do what I wanna do.

I'm gonna have my little domicile. Then I'm going to be king of that domicile.

I'm gonna do anything I wanna do in it.

I'm gonna eat what I want to, sleep when I want to, drink when I want to.