Leave It to Beaver

Hello, Beaver! Hi, Wally!

Mommy, there's Bert, the pie man!

Morning, Bert!

Hello, Mrs. Brown! How are you?

Great day, isn't it? Yep.

Have a good day, dear.

You, too, honey.

I'll get you for this, Beaver Cleaver!

Morning, Bert! Morning, Bert!

Morning, boys! Great day, isn't it?

Sorry, mister.

That was the first one I missed all day.

Huh!

Hey, Wally, stop, stop! Please!

There it is. That's the most beautiful thing I ever seen.

Well, golly, gee! It's Wally and the Beaver at the bike shop.

What do you want, Eddie Haskell?

The usual. See how fast I can make you cry.

Hey, knock it off, Eddie.

Why you always giving Beaver the business?

Well, basically because it's so easy.

Wally, I want that bike more than anything I ever wanted,

even superpowers.

Don't go cry to Wally.

You want advice on how to get a bike? Ask the Master.

How will I know when I see "the Master"?

Because he's wearing what I'm wearing.

Now, let's chat, squirt. Have a seat in my office.

Now, you want a bike, but you're a screwup.

Eddie.

Isn't this the same kid who lost his Nikes,

broke his Walkman and almost burned down the garage?

The garage wasn't Beaver's fault.

You got a birthday coming up.

As any normal kid knows, the way to score a cool present

is to suck up to your parents.

Suck up?

You know, it's so second nature to me, I forget others find it hard.

Yes, suck up.

Do something that'll make your old man proud.

He's a frustrated jock.

Why not do something like play football?

Football? He'll get demolished.

And as appealing as that may sound, Wallace, it doesn't matter.

The minute you get that bike, wham! You quit the team.

But I don't do junk like that, Eddie. You do.

You flatter me. Do you want that bike or don't you?

Hey, Dad! Dad!

Oh. Beaver, wait!

Aren't you gonna even say hi? Hi. When's Dad coming home?

He should be home any minute now.

Maybe I'll just wait for him outside.

Beaver? Is there something I can help you with?

Oh, no, Mom. I'm not supposed to be sucking up to you.

Here you go.

Dad! Dad! Dad! Hey, Beaver!

Here, Dad, let me help you with your junk.

Did you do something wrong, Beaver?

Gee, Dad, how come whenever I act nice, people think I done something wrong?

Just conditioning, Beav.

Sure you don't want a hand with those?

Oh, no, Dad. I want your hands free to sign my permission slip

so I can play for the Mayfield Mighty Mites.

You wanna play football.

Yeah!

Go, Beaver! Pick it up!

Go! Go! Go!

Yeah!

Beaver? Play football?

You didn't tell him he could, did you, Ward?

Of course not.

I told him I had to check with you first.

Oh! And make me the bad guy.

Do you want a repeat of T-ball season?

I mean have you forgotten about the Beaver...

Who's winning now, Wally?

I don't know, Beav.

They're already talking about stuff in the past that they're still ticked off about.

Look me in the eyes,

and tell me you're doing this because it's in your son's best interest

and not to fulfill some lingering adolescent fantasy of yours.

What? Dear, when I was playing sandlot, it really changed my life.

I know what you're thinking, but Beaver's not too small to play football.

Hut! Hut! Hut!

Hut! Hut! Hut!

Mayfield!

Beav, other way! Other way! Mayfield!

One, two, three, four!

Your mommies, your daddies

think this isn't about winning or losing!

One, two, three, six! One two, three, seven!

One, two, three, eight! One, two, three, nine!

They think it's about building character, don't they, Cleaver?

We're gonna go over to this play here.

We're gonna have this guard pull out here. This guy pulls out here.

The quarterback drops back. We have an option.

He goes deep, and we go to him.

Looks the same... Different look.

This play is different.

You see?

It's all relative.

You understand?

The quarterback sneaks back.

We are here to do two things

and two things only.

That is to win and to win big!

Yeah! Yeah!

Break!

Break!

Come on, Beaver! Go get them!

Down! Set!

You're lunchmeat!

You're mine!

Go!

Put it up, Cleaver! Put it up!

There's gotta be an easier way to get a bike.

Yeah, well, what'd you expect, Beav?

There is a reason football players wear more equipment

than guys who train attack dogs.

Bedtime, boys.

Well, Beaver, decided where you're gonna put that Heisman trophy?

You mean I don't have to wait till the end of the season to get a trophy?

He's just joking on you, Beav.

You don't get the Heisman trophy till college.

Well, after watching you today, I wouldn't rule it out.

You took some licks, but you didn't quit.

Your mom and I just want you to know how proud we are of you.

I just wanted to let you know that

I've decided to become a doctor when I grow up.

Oh, boy, wait till I tell your mom.

You know, I always said, "Football is a real confidence builder."

Back when I was playing sandlot I found that I learned the great many...

Yeah, well, you've heard this before.

Where did we leave off?

Here we are.

"Now, Dottie the Dinosaur had never seen a human being before.

"Such a tiny creature who only walks on two legs and eats berries."

But, Dad...

"'Couldn't be much of a hunter,' said Dottie."

Dad!

If a guy's old enough to play football,

then don't you think maybe he's too old to have his dad read to him?

Well, maybe you have a point there, Beav.

You read it yourself, but don't stay up too late.

Thanks, Dad.

Well, goodnight, Beav.

Dad, if a guy's too old to be read to,

then he's probably too old to get kissed goodnight to.

Goodnight, Dad.

Goodnight.

I think he took that pretty well. Yeah.

But I was worried, 'cause for a minute

he had that same sort of blubbery look he had

when the lights came on at the end of The Lion King.

Okay, everybody, gather around. It's time for cake.

Come on! Let's go, boys!

Is everybody ready?

I'm low on battery.

(ALL SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU)

Make a wish, Beaver. Big wish, Beav.

Make a wish.

Yay!

Way to go, Beav!

Hey, Lumpy, quit stuffing your face and pay attention.

I've put together a little photographic compilation of my future soul mate.

And here's Karen taking her dog for a walk.

And here she is at the store with her mom.

Oh! That's my favorite outfit of hers.

You know, Eddie, you might want to back off a little bit, huh?

Hey! What are you talking about? I'm doing great.

A week ago we were total strangers.

Last night I was in her bedroom.

Yeah, you were in her bedroom, all right.

But Karen and her family were at the movies.

Can't you ever just be happy for me?

Mom, Dad, can we open the presents now? Please, please, please, please.

June, you really should monitor the boy's sugar intake.

Here we are. This one is from Gilbert.

Oh, come on, Mrs. Cleaver.

Don't blame me, Beav. It's a recycle.

I wouldn't wear it when I got it, so my mom's giving it to you.

Well, that's a lovely gesture, Gilbert.

Well, I guess that's it.

No, Beaver. There's more.

Really?

Wheel it out, Ward!

Whoa!

Wow! A computer.

From your Aunt Martha. Thanks.

Nothing I like more than an educational gift.

Well, Beav, what more could a boy ask for?

Yeah.

I guess that's about all a guy could ask for, huh?

I'm glad you feel that way, son,

but your mom and I wanted to get you a little something else.

Wally!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Thanks, Mom! Thanks, Dad! You're the bestest parents in the whole universe!

Whoa! Awesome!