Eating Raoul

Hollywood, California, city of contrasts.

Home to the rich and powerful...

yet so popular with the broken and destitute.

Here sex hunger is reflected in every aspect of daily life...

and instant gratification is tirelessly pursued.

A center of casual violence and capricious harassment...

where rampant vice and amorality...

permeate every strata of society...

and the barrier between food and sex has totally dissolved.

It is a known fact that prolonged exposure to just such a psychopathic environment...

will eventually warp even the most normal and decent among us.

This then is the story of Hollywood today.

Not a pretty story, but presented here exactly as it happened.

Really? Stomach cramps?

But it's such a good buy.

Well, so is lighter fluid at $1.50 a pint, but I wouldn't serve it to my dinner guests.

Forget about Mountain Brook.

My dinner date wouldn't know the difference anyway.

How about a nice...

Beaujolais?

I'm sure it would go very well with your meat.

- How much? - 3.50, plus tax.

All right. I'll take it on your say-so.

Thank you.

Now, you be sure to let me know if you're not completely satisfied.

With wine, you mean?

Bland, did you refuse to sell that customer a bottle of Mountain Brook?

I certainly did. It's undrinkable.

I'm not interested in your opinion, Mr. Gourmet.

If a customer wants a brand of wine that we carry, that's what he gets.

Mr. Cray, I tried a bottle of Mountain Brook. It made me sick.

Well, it makes me three times as sick...

if I get stuck with those 10 cases we got piled up downstairs.

- Uh, I think this man - - And another thing.

Who told you to order a case of Château Lafite Rothschild?

This stuff goes for $400 a bottle.

We don't have customers for that kind of item!

- You got your head up your ass? - Uh, Mr. Cray, I think -

Excuse me. One of you gentlemen mind giving me the money out of that cash register?

- What? - I said give me the money out of the register, sucker.

And make it fast!

Mr. Cray, you killed him.

Yeah.

Now how about that Château Lafite?

Dr. Benihana.

Dr. Benihana, you're wanted in Neurosurgery.

Dr. Benihana.

Dr. Benihana, you're wanted in Neurosurgery.

Ah. What's this garbage?

Liver puree, asparagus salad and mixed fruit mash.

Make a new man of you.

- Christ. - Hey, Mary.

Paul called. He's leaving the liquor store early. Said he'd pick you up after work.

- Okay. Thanks, Sheila. - Paul?

Isn't that the dumpy dude who came by for you a couple days ago?

Boy, he seems like a giant hard-off.

He happens to be my husband.

Baby, you got a problem.

And we could solve it so easily.

Oh, what's that supposed to mean?

Baby, with a shape like yours, that's like wasting a natural resource.

- Open your mouth. - If I do, will you open your legs?

- I might do something for you. - Ah!

If you would do something for me.

Eat that.

Dewey.

How would you like to unblock Golden Boy?

Love to.

Yuck!

- Okay, I'm ready. - Mmm. I can see you are.

I'll bet you thought I was gonna run out on you.

No. You know a good thing when you see it.

Hey, Mary, they want you down in the kitchen.

- Oh, I was just about to give Mr. Baker his high colonic. - What?

- Don't worry. I'll do it for you. - Oh, Dewey, would you?

But try not to tear anything like you did last time. Bye.

- Hey. - Don't worry. She's just kidding.

Actually, enemas are my specialty.

What a luxury to be picked up. How was your day?

- Not great. - What's wrong?

I have a little headache.

Oh. I hope it goes away when James comes.

That's all right.

We're having chicken cacciatore tonight.

I hope this place that James found is gonna be as good as it sounds.

You know, I was thinking about what we should name it.

I know that you love Chez Bland, and I do too, but...

well, what if we just called it Paul and Mary's Country Kitchen?

So I have to take her to these parties and watch her get laid.

- Oh, God. Wives are the pits. - Tell me about it.

- So, are you two going to the party? - We live here.

Too bad.

- Excuse us. - Oh?

- Hey, you guys, this is the floor. - All right!

Hey, come down to 234. We'll get it on.

- You two live in the building. You must swing, right? - Wrong!

- Good night. - Well, you don't, but I'll bet anything she does.

This building is beginning to attract some real scum.

Oh, no. I don't believe it.

$175 a month rent increase? How are we gonna pay that?

Now, don't worry, honey. We can live on our InstaCash card for a month or two.

Aren't you forgetting something? It was canceled last month for nonpayment.

Oh. Well, we still have our jobs.

- Um - - Oh, no, Paul.

I told him not to buy that cheap wine.

Bad wine at a bargain price is no bargain. But what does he care?

It's not your fault.

We just weren't meant to work in shops or hospitals.

All those bills and no credit. What are we gonna -

Mary, why don't we sell your mother's collection of fabulous '50s furniture?

Oh, no, Paul. You know Mama only loaned it to us until she dies.

Well, there's that money we set aside for the down payment on the restaurant.

- But that's not gonna keep us for very long. - You'll get another job.

I could get a raise. We'll get by somehow.

- - James!

- What am I gonna say to him? - Don't say anything to him.

Stall him. I just don't want that restaurant to slip through our fingers.

- James - - How you doin', pal? Am I early or what?

- Well, the early bird gets the pussy. Am I right? - Pussy? Now, come on -

- Jesus, she looks like a party all to herself. - Now come on. Get out of here!

- - Mister, you'd better get out of here.

If you're not screwing her, somebody's gonna screw her. Might as well be me, man.

I'll screw you later, sweetheart. Hey, babe, hey -

Shouldn't have done that.

- Oh, my God! - He's gonna do it again. Quick! Get him in the bathroom.

- Come on. - I'm s - I'm sorry.

- Come on. Come on. - Oh, I'm sorry.

No, no.

Some things are private, man.

Well, we've got to spray the room with something - the smell.

I just don't know why they let swingers in the building.

Because they're so transient, that's why.

They're always pairing up and switching off and moving in and moving out...

and the landlords get to raise the rent every 10 minutes.

"Sexual liberation."

- Just look what it's brought us. -

That is exactly the sort of person we should refuse to serve in our restaurant.

- -

Hello?

What article?

Oh. Bon Appétit. Yeah, that's me.

Yes, I have a few bottles of that. 1948, as a matter of fact.

Oh, no, I don't think I'd be interested, no.

Well, all right. I'll tell you what, Mr. Peck.

If I do I'll give you a call. Okay?

Thank you. Good-bye.

Who was that?

Some wine collector from New York staying at the Wilton.

Wanted to buy some of my Château Lafite. Fat chance.

That reminds me though - What are we drinking tonight?

James is from the Valley. He probably likes Chablis.

James! I forgot all about James.

- Paul, we can't have that guy here if James comes. - Uh, hello.

- - Hello? Can you hear me?

- Maybe he's asleep. - Mmm.

Hello?

Oh, my God.

Hey, come on. Wake up.

- You've got to go now. Come on. Wake up. -

Mary, he doesn't seem to be breathing.

- Do you think he drowned in the toilet? - Oh! Well, he's not breathing.

What do you think?

- He's dead! - Oh, great!

- - What do we do now?

- I don't know! Call the police? - Well, call the police!

Call the police! Use the emergency number!

I hope they hurry.

Uh, hello. Officer, is this the police?

Yes, wh-who do I speak to to report a murder?

Not a murder! An accidental death!

Uh, Officer, I'm sorry. An accidental death.

- - Guess what.

Uh, no, I think you have the wrong number.

- What are you gonna do with him? - Help him find his party.

- - Come on.

Good luck.

Welcome to paradise.

- I've got to go. - Oh, come on. What's your hurry?

Look at this place. It's like a free candy store.

And you can eat any piece you can find.

- N-No, thank you. I've really got to go now. My wife - - Your wife?

Hey, come on. How pussy-whipped can you get?

Look around. Look at her! She's got eyes for you. She digs you.

- Really! Roger! -

She's your type too.

- I've seen it many times before. - Yeah.