It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Well, this is an interesting development.

This is not good. You think maybe he's just vacationing?

No. Charlie, there's blocks in front and in back of his tires. He's not going anywhere.

Yeah. This guy's planted himself here.

And I tell you what, once all the other R.V. folks see what this R.V. guy is doing,

they're gonna start parking their R.V.'s on our street. Shit.

We're gonna be staring down the barrel of a shantytown situation.

Oh, my God. Who just takes their vehicle and parks in someone's, you know, street...

and says, "This is my street. I'm gonna live here now 'cause I'm poor"?

I'll tell you who. New poor. What?

Ever since the recession hit, waves of new people are suddenly broke.

These people have no idea how to live without money.

They're what's called "new poor." We're old poor.

Yeah, they could stand to learn a lesson or two from us,

because we would never take our homelessness and shove it down everybody's face.

Have some class if you're gonna be poor!

All right. Let's get this guy out of here, send him a message.

Let's do it. Right. Let's slash his tires.

Well, not that though, because then he can't leave. That doesn't make any sense.

Well, you start putting plans under microscopes, nothing's gonna make sense, all right?

Lots of things make sense. Slashing someone's tires so that they leave makes no sense.

You gonna put everything I say under a microscope, bud? It's a stupid idea, Charlie.

I'm sorry. You have a better plan?

Dee! Sharpest item in the bar! I need it now! Let's go!

Whoa. What the hell's going on over here?

Oh, Frank's trying to kill himself.

Is he all right? Frank, are you all right?

Don't try to stop me. Oh, my God.

- Oh, so he's alive. - I lost all my money in a Ponzi scheme, Charlie. I'm broke!

His neck is so thick,

I feel like he's just gonna swing and dangle around for a really long time.

That's what it is! Let's cut him down.

Frank, it's not gonna work for you. Your neck's too thick, buddy.

- Tie a chair to me. - Times are tough, huh?

Shit.

This is terrible.

What? What are you talking about? What is terrible?

If you're looking for a better steak in an arcade setting, you are shit out of luck.

I'm talking about eating out all the time. It's a business expense, Frank.

It's only fair that the upper management of the bar get together to talk shop...

over top-notch steak and some video games.

You two have no idea how serious this is. I can't bail you out anymore!

Maybe we should take this time to streamline Paddy's,

make it run as efficiently as the government.

Mmm! Yeah. Cut out the steak dinners.

We're not cutting out the steak dinners, so just hold your horses on that one.

If anything, we should be talking about bonuses. Let's talk bonuses. Good idea.

Bonuses? Yeah!

You run the business into the ground, and you want bonuses?

Frank, don't be a moron. You start cutting bonuses, you're gonna lose your top guys.

You gotta separate the wheat from the chaff somehow. Yeah.

These dudes are all chaff. Right? Yeah... Well, no. We're all wheat.

No, we're chaff. No, we're not. We're... We're wheat.

Why would you want to be wheat? Why would you ever want to be chaff?

Well, who wants to be... Okay, I'll be chaff, you be wheat.

You two idiots have no business sense whatsoever!

We have no business sense? He's the one dangling from a noose 10 minutes ago.

That's a good point.

Let's start streamlining right now. Frank, you're out. You're fired.

Oh! You just got squeezed out, bitch!

Oh, I'm squeezed out? Uh-huh.

Well, let's see how far you two idiots get...

without Frank Reynolds bailing you out every five minutes!

- I'm outta here! - I'm comfortable being chaff if you want to be wheat.

Okay, man, whatever.

You're firing us?

Well, first we're gonna give you the opportunity to defend your jobs.

- Really? - Yeah.

All right. I appreciate the opportunity, fellas.

- I'm on it! Whoo! - Good. Show us what you do around here, Charlie.

- Hoo-woo-woo-woo! - Oh, come on! This is bullshit!

I shouldn't have to defend my job to you!

Dee, we don't know what it is that you do around here. You don't seem to do anything.

Me? Come on! I do a shitload!

Why don't you make us a drink?

Fine. I'll crack you open a beer.

No, no, no. Not a beer.

Something you have to mix.

But this bottle is cold-activated.

I mean, look at it. Doesn't that look delicious?

It does look delicious, but mix me a drink.

But the mountains, they've turned blue. Mojito me, please.

A refreshing mojito would do. Nobody orders a mojito in this bar.

So you can't make a mojito? Of course I can make a mojito!

Then make one. Fine! One mojito coming up, gentlemen.

I quit.

Goddamn it! Shit!

I was really looking forward to firing her. Me too.

Okay, boys, let's talk rat traps, okay?

Huh? I need money.

Huh? The guys were being total knobs, so I quit.

Also, you're really behind on my rent and they're threatening to evict me, so... money.

What part of "I am broke" don't you guys understand?

I tried to hang myself. No more bailouts!

Well, what am I supposed to do? Not my problemo.

What's with the briefcase?

I'm gonna start a new business.

I created an empire before, and I can do it again.

Huh. You are really good at making money. Okay, I'm in.

What are you talking about? What value are you to me?

I'm desperate, so I'll do anything.

Okay, that's good. Are you willing to destroy your credit?

It's never really been a problem before. That's good. Hold that.

We're gonna take out a big loan in your name and get an office. Great.

Okay, let's go.

All right, that's the rainwater barrels.

Now let's talk about the trash. What do I do with the trash? How do I dispose of the trash?

I don't know. We disposed of the trash in the Dumpster last night.

What are you doing with it? I am taking it to the furnace.

- We have a furnace? - Absolutely. Where do you think the heat comes from?

You burn the trash in the furnace? This bar runs on trash.

This bar is totally green that way.

How is burning trash green?

Uh, because I'm recycling the trash into heat for the bar.

And lots of smoke for the bar. I'm giving the bar the good smoky smell that we all like.

The bar smells like trash.

That's the exact opposite of green, Charlie.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, I could put the trash into a landfill where it's gonna stay for millions of years,

or I could burn it up and get a nice, smoky smell in here...

and let that smoke go into the sky where it turns into stars.

That doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about stars to dispute it.

It's right. No, it's not right. All right, are we almost done?

No, we're not done. I got one more piece of business. What is it?

Lastly, before I open the bar in the morning,

I always make sure to turn on the Coors sign,

let people know we got iced delicious Coors in the bar, you know,

and then, uh, that's the last thing I do.

Ol' Charlie's done a lot of work around here.

Charlie, that sign does not say "Coors." Eh?

Goddamn it. Come outside! Come outside! Come outside!

Goddamn it. Come outside.

Closed! It says "closed," Charlie!

Okay. Yeah, right. I can see that now.

But, you know, you can't really read it from the inside.

You can't read it from the outside!

You know what? Forget it. I can read it!

Are we done with this? Have we gone through everything?

Well, that was the last thing that I do, sure. Okay, great. You're fired!

No, come on. You're not firing me.

Yeah. Yeah. No way!

Oh, I'm sorry! Oh, really?

So you're gonna throw all the trash in the furnace yourselves.

And you're gonna filter the rainwater barrel all by yourselves.

And I suppose you're gonna fiddle with the electricity every day all by yourselves...

and siphon it from all around the neighborhood.

No. We're gonna call a trash man, an electrician, and a plumber...

and not turn the closed sign on when the bar is open!

No, God! What is this?

Are you kidding me? This is what I was talking about.

We are gonna have a shantytown here in no time.

Shit! Goddamn it!

Honey, I'm home!

Feast your eyes on the new headquarters of Reynolds and Reynolds.

Frank and I are starting a business.

We sublet our apartments. We're living in here.

- Wait a second. You subletted our apartment? - Yeah.

Well, what the hell, dude? I don't know if I can live in a trailer, man.

You don't have to, Charlie. It's kinda tight in there already.

Well, hang on a second, bro. We're good in tight spaces. I'll make it work.

I'm sorry, Charlie. What do you mean, you're sorry?

There's no room at the inn. You kidding me, dude? You kidding me?

Unbelievable! So now I'm reduced to sleeping in the bar! Oh, hell no!

No, no, no. You're not gonna be sleeping in the bar.

Where am I gonna live? On the streets? It's a recession.

Times are tough. Yeah. You'll bounce back, buddy.

Aw, come on, man. Can I at least live with you guys?

We're not in the business of giving out handouts, Charlie. We're not the government.

Frankly, I'm a little embarrassed that you would ask. Yeah, it's a little gauche.

You guys are boning me, man.

I tell you what, why don't you and I hit D&B's and talk bonuses?

Yeah. All right. Dennis, why don't you go ahead and lock that door.

You don't have to lock the door.

Go ahead and lock him out. Keep out the riffraff.

You don't have to lock the door. You don't have to add insult to injury. I'm gonna be fine.

That's locked? Yeah.

- I got plenty of places to go. - No, you don't!

Okay, Frank, tell me about this business scheme you're cooking up.

Give me your shoe. My shoe?

Hand over your shoe. All right.

Observe.

Wait. No, no, no... Oh... Aw, come on, man!

That's a $200 shoe!

Look at that. What are you doing?

Feast your eyes on your new business.

Knives.

You want me to sell knives door-to-door? No. You're selling vacuums.

I'm sorry. I took out a high-interest loan...

to invest in a door-to-door knife and vacuum-selling business?

Not just any vacuum. This is wet vac.

Commercial power for the home.

This'll get a red wine stain out of anything. Look.

Oh, goddamn it!

Check it out, Deandra.

All right, this baby is powerful!

Now, cover your ears because it has no muffler!

- - Oh!

Ah! Oh, that's good merlot.

Yeah. That's good merlot. You're gonna want to keep those coming.

It might be cheaper if youse went with a bottle of wine...