City Slickers

Whose idea was this, anyway?

They're gaining on us!

Shit.

Yeah, yeah!

Wow!

He's after me!

Phil!

Wow!

Wow!

Oh, shit.

Jesus!

Ed!

Go, Mitch!

Ah!

Ah, oh!

Back, bull, back, bull, back, bull!

Stop following me!

Please!

Oops!

Does he know what he's doing?

Does he have any idea what he's doing?

Because, you know, I can't talk to him.

Ow!

Relax.

He's doing a beautiful job.

Sir.

El doctor.

Hello!

Don't sew up anything that's supposed to remain open, okay?

Okay.

What, are you taking pictures, Phil?

Are you kidding?

This is a Kodak moment.

Now, smile.

- Oops! - Oh, good,

blind him with the flash.

Phil, let the man keep what's left of his dignity, please.

Dignity.

This is all your fault, Ed.

My fault?

Yeah, because you're a macho lunatic.

Phil and I are sheep.

We're not sheep.

We are sheep.

We do every stupid thing he asks.

I didn't make you run.

No, it was a 2,000-pound rampaging animal

spraying bull snot all over Spain.

That's what made me run.

You made me stand in front of it.

Come on, guys, group shot.

I got a big "I told you so" coming from Barbara on this.

Maybe she won't notice.

Honey, want a pillow?

It's a long flight.

No, thanks.

Come on, it's not that bad.

I look like your mother.

Here comes Mr. Bull.

Yeah.

Kim, baby, do you want the aisle seat or the window seat?

Because whichever one you want makes me happy.

- I don't care. - Good, then take the window.

I wanna talk to Mitch.

Okay.

Be right back.

Miss me.

Admit it, pal, you had fun.

No.

Scuba diving is fun.

I mean, it's normal.

People do that.

Baseball fantasy camp,

until Phil threw up on Willie Mays, was fabulous.

I was nervous, he was my idol.

I'll never forget Willie's face.

"Say hey, that's lunch on me!"

Phil, I'm standing.

Yes, dear.

I can't wait to get out

of this country, these people.

You know, maybe it's just me,

but I think our little adventures lately

are becoming stupid, you know?

What did you call them?

Desperate attempt to cling to your youth?

Yeah, that.

That's bullshit.

Bullshit?

Ed, have you noticed the older you get,

the younger your girlfriends get?

Soon, you'll be dating sperm.

I'm back.

Okay.

I have just one more thing to say.

Target parachute jumping.

Ed!

Now, it's a smaller parachute,

but you're traveling twice as fast.

Great! So when they find your body,

they can bury it in a Sucrets box.

Phil said he'd go.

Phil wants to die.

I mean, if you were married to that, you'd wanna die, too.

Look at him.

He's pretending to be asleep

so he doesn't have to talk to her.

It's a couple of little jumps from a plane.

And then what?

We go on safari, only the animals have guns

and they hunt us?

Forget about it.

It's never enough for you, Ed.

I'm reading.

When's it ever gonna be enough?

Hi, Mom.

It's September 8th, 1952.

We're driving back from your Aunt Marsha.

My water breaks.

Your father jumps the divider

of the Saw Mill River Parkway

and races me to Doctors' Hospital and...

At 5:16, out you came.

Oh.

Happy birthday, darling.

Here's your father.

Hello, boy, happy birthday.

Hi, Dad, how are you?

I'm losing feeling in my left leg.

Here's your mother.

Don't worry, he's fine.

So, what are you gonna do now, birthday boy?

Well, I thought I'd lie here another three

and a half hours and then go to work.

Is Barbara with you?

No, she's working the streets

and she likes to have breakfast with her pimp.

She should be in around 7:30.

Hi, Mom.

Give my boy a kiss, oh.

I can't believe my baby's 39 years old.

Bye, Mom.

Oh...

Bye...

Angel, birthday boy.

Oh!

Happy birthday.

Well, at least she said my age in years.

Usually, she uses months, like I'm still an infant.

"How's Mitch?"

"Oh, good, he's 168 months today."

Wow.

I look a year older.

Do I look a year older to you?

Honey, at 5:15 everybody looks a year older.

Do you know what I found yesterday?

Hm.

Hair in my ear.

Mitch.

I'm losing hair where I want hair and I'm getting hair

where there shouldn't be hair.

I found four big fat ones on my back.

I'm starting to look like The Fly.

That's it, I'm canceling your birthday party.

Why?

Because your birthdays depress you.

No, they don't.

Oh, Mitch.

On your 30th birthday you said you couldn't see.

And then on your 34th birthday,

you forgot my name for an hour.

Then last year, when I asked you what you wanted,

you said a CAT scan.

I had a headache.

This year, let's just let it pass.

I wanna see my friends.

All right.

But I don't want people coming over here thinking

they're in a Bergman film.

You've met my husband, Mr. Death?

I'll be good.

Yeah?

Because I don't need you any worse than you've been.

Wait a second, what does that mean?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Great.

Oh.

Ah.

Got a minute?

Hi. I only have a few minutes.

I have career day at Danny's school, so, I...

Yeah, it'll just take a second.

What is it?

So?

So.

So, it's stupid.

It's annoying.

It makes people change the station.

I didn't write it.