Animal Practice

Hello?

Is someone there?

Who's there?

Who's doing this?

Rizzo, I told you, no masks till Halloween.

Sorry, Dorothy.

No problem.

Boo!

- Good night, Yamamoto. - Damn it.

Dorothy? I really can't get down!

Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like this dog

came with batteries included.

Actually, Jill, we do the interrupted stitch

at this hospital, thank you.

Well, I'm gonna do continuous. Thank you.

It leaves less thread in the animal, so...

Well, I wonder what the animal would rather have,

less thread or less internal bleeding.

Um...

You got me.

For your information, there was a recent study--

"For your information,

there was a recent study--"

Please don't question me.

I'm chief surgeon at this hospital.

For now.

[Creedence Clearwater Revival's Bad Moon Rising]

Hello. Happy Halloween.

We are Charlotte's web.

Here, have some candy.

Okay.

Hey, Dorothy.

Oh, hey...

Ving Rhames!

No, I'm not Ving Rhames.

Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, uh, LL Cool J?

Angela, get over here.

Uh-huh? Uh-huh?

Ohh.

Bam.

Daddy Warbucks and little orphan Annie.

Both: Yeah! - That's awesome.

- Thank you. - So good.

Hey, black Kojak.

- - A formal occasion.

No.

So where can I sign rascal up

for this costume contest?

You're entering in the contest?

Are you kidding me?

I'm a pageant kid.

I haven't tasted this much excitement in years.

The lights, the crash diets,

this Ritalin and Mountain Dew cocktail my mom gave me.

And look at that trophy.

It's all about the hardware.

Yeah, so what's your little guy supposed to be?

- You serious? - Uh-huh.

He's a shark dog.

I don't get it.

What's to get?

Shark dog.

All right, well, good luck.

You can sign up right here.

I don't think I'm gonna be needing too much luck, huh?

What--what-- what was that?

Well, I'm just saying, I'm pretty good friends

with the judge.

Yes, sure, we're good friends,

but you know I have to be impartial.

What?

I thought this was a lock.

Why do you think I spent two minutes

coming up with shark dog?

This is a very serious competition.

I thought our friendship was serious too.

Look at me. I'm George Coleman.

I have the musculature of a 12-year-old boy.

Please, don't question me.

I'm chief surgeon of this hospital.

Very clever, very clever costume.

I would've come dressed as you, but, uh,

I didn't have time to grow the mustache.

As much as I'm sure you'd love nothing more

than to stand here and stare at yourself,

I have rounds to make.

Look at us. We look ridiculous.

Hey.

- Hey. Nice. - So...

How's the roommate situation going with Yamamoto?

Uh, that.

Well, I am currently living with a diminutive,

neurotic Asian fellow

who likes to sleep with the light on at night,

pees with the bathroom door open,

and constantly refers to himself as "the new girl."

So--

What is--what is that? What are you--yams!

Yams, we discussed this, didn't we?

We--we agreed on the lone ranger and Tonto.

Yeah, lone ranger and Tonto.

Get serious! What are you--you're--

you're the-- you're the sidekick, obviously.

I mean, do I look like a Tonto to you?

Well, if you didn't walk out of the apartment

ahead of me, we would've seen each other

and avoided this.

Maybe if you didn't feel the need

to describe your sexual dreams to me

in vivid detail every morning,

I wouldn't have to run out of the apartment.

Well, if you didn't play sister hazel all night long,

I wouldn't have crazy, vivid sex dreams.

Maybe if you weren't up all night crying so loudly

over you and your wife splitting up,

I wouldn't have to drown you out with killer jams.

Well, if you weren't so mean, then...

Forget it.

And I wasn't crying.

I'm just allergic to heartache.

Oh, oh, Leiter.

You do not have the authority to pull nurse Howard

off of--

Ahem! What's-- what are you eating?

A Cobb salad. Why?

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no.

That's my salad.

No, it's not. I brought this from home.

Is that so? So you won't mind

if I stick my finger in it to taste the dressing.

Of course I would mind. That's disgusting.

- George! - Rizzo, salad.

- Rizzo! - Ginger soy?

Huh. Ginger soy.

Interesting choice for a Cobb salad.

In fact, I didn't think anyone did that except for me.

I love ginger soy. I put it on everything.

I have a bottle of it in my office.

What's going on?

George thinks that I stole his salad.

- He's very upset. - I'm not upset.

I don't think you stole my salad.

I know you stole my salad.

You want the salad? Here, take the salad.

I don't want my salad now.

It had monkey finger in it.

We have a big problem,

and her name is Jill Leiter.

I told you hiring her would be a disaster.

Why, did she botch a surgery?

Worse than that.

First, she shows up dressed as me for Halloween.

Oh, wow.

Oh, I wish I would've thought of that.

"I'm George Coleman.

I'm a lovable misogynist."

Stop it. I'm not lovable.

Then I go in the break room.

She's eating a Cobb salad-- my Cobb salad.

So you want me to buy you a salad?

Yeah! But you're missing the point.

Salad doesn't stand for salad.

Salad represents the complex interplay

between two alphas struggling for dominance

of this hospital.

You are the administrator.

Do something about this.

I don't have time for this.

There are animals out there in costume,

and they're not gonna judge themselves, okay?

I don't know what she's up to,

but she definitely has an angle,

and I'm gonna figure out what that angle is.

Okay, you do that.

And I'll start interviewing witnesses.

I know you're mocking me.

But if you could do that, that would be a big help.

Ah, if she really keeps her salad dressing here,

I will find it.

But I don't think I will. Cover me, Rizzo.

"Dear members of the board:

"I would like to officially submit my name

to replace Dr. Coleman as chief surgeon."