Bugsy Malone

Someone once said, if it was raining brains,

Roxy Robinson wouldn't even get wet.

Roxy had spent his whole life making two and two into five.

But he could smell trouble like other people could smell gas.

But believe yous me, he shouldn't have taken that blind alley by the side of Parito's bakery.

¡Oiga! ¿Qué se imaginaba? ¿Que no queremos dormir?

Ruido, ruido, ruido. Es como vivir al lado del ferrocarril.

Vaya a su casa y déjanos dormir.

Your name Robinson?

Roxy Robinson?

You work for Fat Sam?

Whatever game it was everybody was playing,

sure as eggs is eggs, Roxy the Weasel had been scrambled.

Now, my friends, I should be filling yous in a little.

This guy yous looking at is the hero of our story.

Name of Bugsy Malone.

A nice guy. A little too popular with the broads for my liking, but a nice guy.

An Italian mother, an Irish father, he's naturally grown up a little confused.

Kind of mixed-up.

Oh, by the ways, I nearly forgot.

My name's Sam. Fat Sam, on account of my physique.

I ain't no dumb bum.

And between yous and me, this ain't no book store.

This is my place. Fat Sam's Grand Slam. Best joint in town.

Hi, Jelly.

Hi, Bugsy.

We interrupt this program to bring you a newsflash.

Reports are coming in of a gangland incident on the Lower East Side,

involving a certain Robert Robinson, known to the police as Roxy the Weasel,

believed to be a member of the gang of alleged mobster king

Fat Sam Stacetto.

Robinson was the victim of a sensational event

and we go over to our reporter on the spot...

So, tell me, how do you allow this to happen?

Roxy was one of my best.

What have you got to say for yourselves, you bunch of dummies?

Call yourselves hoodlums?

You're a disgrace to your profession, you hear me? A disgrace!

And most of all, a disgrace to me. Fat Sam.

And we all know who's behind this, don't we?

Sure do, Boss.

Don't need a headful of brains to know that, do you?

Certainly not, Boss.

So, who is it, you dummies? Tell me. Who?

Dandy Dan, Boss.

Don't you dare mention that name in this office!

Hey, take it easy, Boss. Sit down.

Come in.

Excuse me. I'm Blousey Brown.

I'm a singer. I'm here about the audition.

A singer, a singer. Listen, sister, right now I don't need a singer.

Come back tomorrow.

Hey, Boss, how about my audition? You said last week I'd be OK.

Am I going mad? Are my ears playing tricks on me?

Will you get out of here?

Dancers, dancers, I'm surrounded by namby-pamby dancers,

singers, piano players, banjo players, tin whistle players, at a time when I need brains.

You hear me? Brains. Brains and muscles!

You've got us, Boss.

You, you great hunk of lard! You got muscle where you oughtta have brains.

My pet canary has got more brains than you, you great dumb salami.

Tell me, what's funny?

Nothing, Boss.

Don't worry, babe. I've been trying to see him for months and months and months.

- You have? - Of course I have.

What do you do?

I'm only the greatest tap-dancer on Earth.

- You are? - Of course I are. I cross my heart.

But all he ever says is, "Come back tomorrow."

I ask you, how many times can I come back tomorrow?

Hey, mack. Special on the rocks, huh?

Do you know something? You look like you put your face on backwards this morning.

You've got too much mouth, mack.

So, tell my dentist.

Would you watch where you're going?

I'm sorry.

- What have you got, an ice hockey stick? - No. Just a baseball bat.

You're a baseball player, right?

No, I'm a dancer. My mother made me pack it.

- You're a sports nut? - It's for protection. In case I get robbed.

Do you take it everywhere you go?

No. I was here about a job today.

- Did you get it? - They said, "Come back tomorrow."

- What's your name anyway? - Brown.

"Brown"? Sounds like a loaf of bread.

Blousey Brown.

"Blousey Brown"? Sounds like a stale loaf of bread.

Ha-ha, very funny. Terrific.

Pleased to meet you. I'm Bugsy Malone.

Don't call us. We'll call you.

OK, everybody, it's OK.

Just a little excitement, that's all.

Razzmatazz, music. I want to see everybody enjoying themselves.

No-one can say Fat Sam's joint ain't the liveliest joint in town.

Knuckles,

this means trouble.

You know what to do?

Sure, Boss.

Step on it, Jackson.

..the 20-yard line.

He's over!

One touchdown so far this afternoon.

Hey, what is this?

Irving?

Come on, Doodle, get out of there.

- Have you located the splurge gun yet, sir? - I'm afraid I can't answer that.

- You're not at liberty to say? - No, I don't know the answer.

- Do you know where the guns are coming from? - I'm not at liberty to say.

You'll have to ask Captain Smolsky that question.

OK, O'Dreary, break this crowd up.

- Have you located the splurge gun yet? - No comment.

- Have you located the source of the guns? - No comment.

Is it true the gun is being used by only one gang?

No comment.

Can I give you a lift?

- Got a car? - No.

So, how are you gonna give me a lift, buster? Stand me on a box?

I thought we'd share a cab.

Forget it. I don't share fares.

I'm a lady.

Furthermore, I'm broke.

Who said anything about sharing fares?

No?

- Certainly not. I wouldn't dream of it. - You wouldn't?

- I thought you'd pay. - Swell.

Well, let's walk anyway. It's a nice night.

You shouldn't walk the streets at night. It's dangerous.

We'll be OK. We've got your baseball bat.

Quit the "we" bit, buster. You mean I'll be OK.

Which way are you going?

Which way are you going?

This way.

Then I'm going this way.

Here, let me take that.

No, it's all right. Look, beat it, will you?

Mamma mia! What have you got in here?

Just a few books.

A few books?! You should start a library.

You should shut your mouth.

Have you eaten?

Ever since I was a kid.

Then how come you're so skinny, wisey?

- Because I watch my weight. - I do that when I'm broke, too.

How about eating now?

No.

- Why not? - I'm not hungry.

- You're not hungry? - No.

I'm starving.

That's more like it.

That dress, that was awful.

The colors!

Good night, Fizzy.

Good night.

Good night, Fizzy.

Nighty-night.

Take it easy, now.

Don't do that, Knuckles.

It's how I got my name, Boss.

Well, knock it off, or else change your name.

Tallulah, how much longer do you want us to wait?

Coming, honey. You don't want me to look a mess, do you, sweetheart?

Snap it up, will ya?

Put your flaps down, tiger, or you'll take off.

You spend more time prettying yourself up than there is time in the day.

If I didn't look this good, you wouldn't give me the time of day.

I'll see you in the car.

Hey, Boss, how about my audition?

Tomorrow, Fizzy, tomorrow. I'm very tired.

A lot of important business to do. I have to go home. Please. Goodbye.

I promise you, tomorrow, OK? Tomorrow. Good night.

Are you coming, Velma?

Sure.

- Good night, Fizzy. - Good night, Miss Tallulah.

Oh, my purse.

Going back to the speakeasy tomorrow?

It depends. I'm going to try my luck at the Bijou Theatre. They're auditioning tomorrow.

Lena Marelli's show?

She walked out. They're replacing the whole thing.

How long have you wanted to be a singer?

Since I was a kid, I guess.

Actually, I don't want just to be a singer. I want to be a movie star.

In Hollywood.

What's so funny?

I don't know.

It's just that there was a time when people were happy being railway engineers.

- Or nurses. - Don't you want to be anybody?

Nah, I'm happy being me.

- And what do you do? - Oh, this and that.

Crooked, huh?

Nah. In between.

What do you do for money?

I find fighters, boxers.

You do?

I used to fight, myself.

How good were you?

- I coulda been a contender, Charlie. - You could?

Sure. But for a few things.

Like what?

Like a glass jaw.

Jelly legs. No stamina.