Revenge of the Nerds

Gilbert, you better get up. They're here.

- I'm up. - You Okay?

- Yeah. - You're sure?

Sure, I'm sure.

Mom, you remember the first time you left home?

Yes. And I was just as scared as you are.

I'm not scared, really.

I just don't like the idea of leaving you here all alone.

Oh, I'll be fine.

I was fine when you went away to computer camp.

- Mom, that was just for two weeks. - I can take care of myself.

- I'm much more worried about you. - I'm gonna be just fine.

Anyways, I'm not gonna be alone. I got Lewis.

Gilbert?

Come on. Rise and shine.

Dad's waiting outside in the car. It's all packed.

- Hi, Flo. - Hi.

It's a beautiful day, isn't it? It's gonna be a great year.

Now, I figure with lunch and two A.R.V.'s

we should be on the road approximately seven hours,

eighteen minutes and seven seconds.

- A.R.V.'s? - Average restroom visits.

Oh, I'm so proud of you two boys.

Come on, Gilbert. Let's go to college.

God.

Hey, Lewis, what time you got? I'm trying to work out our exact E.T.A.

I got 2:37. Dad, how fast are we going?

I've, uh, got the old cruise control set at 35.

Adams College. Home of the Atoms.

Gilbert, this is gonna be really neat.

Yeah? I sure hope so. What if it isn't, huh?

Don't be so negative. We're gonna have the time of our lives.

I'm not being negative. I'm just being nervous, okay?

Well, don't be, okay? 'Cause everything's gonna be great.

- Just like high school, right? - This is college.

Remember. There's 6,127 students at Adams,

- 58% of which are girls. - So?

So that's 7,107.32 boobs.

Aw, you college guys are all alike. All you really care about is getting laid.

I wish I was goin' with you.

Dad!

Wow. This campus is awesome.

It's a lot bigger than I expected.

- Maybe we should've gone to City Tech. - Come on. Tech's nothin'.

You know Adams has got the best computer department in the country.

Yeah, you're right. Adams is the best.

Well, boys, I mean men, here we are.

What an opportunity for you guys.

You're both gonna do great. I'm proud of you.

Your father would have been proud of you too, Gilbert.

Oh, I know Mr. Skolnick.

Don't tell my mother I was nervous, okay? I wouldn't want her to worry.

- Of course not. Don't sweat it. - Thanks.

Hey, Lewis. Come here. Sit down.

I envy you, Lewis. This is one of the finest institutions in the country.

You're gonna do fantastic here.

Try not to break too many hearts, huh, Lewis?

That hasn't been a real problem yet, Dad.

Aw, come on. You're gonna make some lucky girl very happy.

You're smart, easygoing.

Got your father's good looks.

And you got a great sense of humor.

Really believe in you, son.

- Thanks, Dad. I won't let you down. - I know.

Gilbert, help me with the trunk.

- Uh, Gilbert... - Yes, sir?

College isn't like high school.

You'll... You'll be on your own.

- I want you to take care of yourself. - I will.

Anyway, I won't be alone. I got Lewis.

- Besides, we're college men now, right? - Right!

Ow.

Whoop! Here. Come here.

Easier gettin' it down.

Come on, guys.

This is an historic moment.

All right.

- Say cheese! - Cheese!

Got it.

Bye, Dad.

Bye. Thanks for the ride.

- Look at this! - Ah.

Whoa. Look out.

- You okay? - Yeah.

- Bye, Mr. Skolnick! - Drive careful, Dad!

Wait a minute! Watch out!

Sorry! Excuse us.

At ease! At ease! At ease!

You know, Gilbert? I feel different already.

Like, uh, more mature.

Yeah. Looks like we're in for quite a change.

I'll say. Parties. Meeting new people. This is really gonna be great.

- I don't know. - Just relax. Be yourself.

Like Davy Crockett always said, be sure you're right, then go ahead.

Hey!

Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! Ogre!

Anyway, college is a whole new ball game.

Nerds!

People judge you different than they did in high school.

- Nerds! - Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! Ogre!

Nerds!

- Nerds! - Where are they?

- I think they're talking about us. - No way.

Nerds!

Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!

Come on, Lewis. Let's go.

Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!

Yeah.

Ogre!

Fill 'er up, baby!

All right!

Mmm, Stan.

Okay, everybody, listen up! It's time for stair diving!

Well, Gilbert, here's our new home.

Can't believe we finally made it.

Lewis, if you don't want the bed by the window, I'll take it.

- You got it. - Thanks.

Sure.

You know, this is really a great room.

- Yup. - Definite possibilities.

Do you think maybe they'd let us put in a little refrigerator for snacks and things?

Are you kidding, Gilbert? We can put a fridge and a microwave right there.

That'd be a good place for the entertainment center, too.

Great.

And that's just the beginning.

We're gonna have the best dorm room on campus.

I don't know about the best, Lewis. It'll certainly be the messiest.

Relax, Gilbert. Remember, we got it covered.

This robot will be better than a maid.

- It'll help with the women too. - Women?

Yeah. Let's say one of us is up here with a woman?

This'll be our early warning device, so we don't walk in on each other.

Wait a minute. We're allowed to have girls in our dorm room?

Not girls, Gil. Women.

- We're college men now. - Isn't college great?

It's gonna be a great year.

Come on, Betty. Show me what you got.

- Gable, check this out. - What is it?

- It is outrageous, man. - What is it?

Just try it!

Oh!

Are you okay?

- Jesus, Burke, what is this? - 188 proof.

It's called a fireball, man. Watch.

Haystack, flame on, buddy. Flame on!

Oh, now what?

Whoo!

Yeah!

Can you do it again? Do it again!

Fireball, fireball, fireball, fireball.

Fireball, fireball, fireball, fireball.

One more! One more!

Fireball! Fireball! Fireball! Fireball!

Oh, shit!

Our house Our house is burning down

Our house, our house Our house is burning down

Must've been the electrical wiring.

That isn't what the fire department thinks, Stan.

Dean Ulich, if my boys say it was the wiring, I gotta believe them.

You know, Dean, this school ought to be more careful.

Dean, we got a big game coming up

and I don't want my boys' minds worried about where they're gonna live.

Well, they should've thought of that before they burned their house down.

Well, what's done is done. Now, where am I gonna put my athletes?

- How about the freshman dorm? - What about the students living there now?

All right.

Thanks to faulty wiring, we have no place to live, right?

- Right! - And these freshmen...

Freshmen are sitting pretty in there.

- So as of now, that dorm is ours! Right? - Yeah!

Any room you want! Ready? Break!

Don't come back!

There's your roommate, pal!

If everyone follows directions,

we can manage this move with as little inconvenience as possible.

All right, men. I want everybody to listen up.

We're movin' out, and I mean now!

Move it! Move it! Move! Move! Move!

Hey, buddy! Here!

- Get outta here! - Yeah! Move your ass!

All right, men. Listen up!

I'm gonna see to it that each and every one of you is taken care of.

You will be provided with the best possible food, shelter and accommodations.

- We will try to provide you... - Now, let's move it out! Move it! Move!

Move! Move! Move it!

Move it!

Get outta here!

Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!

Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!

I know this move has probably been very sudden for all of you

and you're probably all still very disoriented.

I do want to assure you that this move is in no way permanent. It's only temporary.

As you can see, we've provided accommodations for you

that are... That are quite acceptable

and I think it'll be a very nice place for you to enjoy your studies.

But I don't even want to go to college!

Harold, you have a special gift. You need college to develop it.

I want to be with people my own age.

You will be with people your own age when you're older.

But you just can't drop me off in a gymnasium.