The Lobster

I'm really sorry.

Does he wear glasses or contact lenses?

Glasses.

You'll have to hurry up.

He decided that his brown leather shoes were the best pair to wear.

His back hurt a little but not like some other times in the past

when the pain was intolerable.

He was thinking his wife didn't love him at all any more.

He didn't burst into tears and he didn't think that the first thing people most people do

when they realise someone doesn't love them anymore is cry.

Sir, do you mind taking a look into the camera here for me?

That'll do. Thank you.

- (Dog yelps) - Have you ever been on your own before?

- No, never. - (Typing on keyboard)

Are you allergic to any foods?

No.

Your last relationship lasted how many years?

Around 12.

Do you remember how long exactly, sir?

11 years and one month.

- Sexual preference? - Women.

However, I had one homosexual experience in the past,

in college.

Is there a bisexual option available?

No, sir, this option is no longer available since about last summer,

due to several operational problems.

I'm afraid you have to decide right now if you want to be registered

as a homosexual or a heterosexual.

I think I should be registered as a heterosexual.

- Any children, sir? - No.

And the dog?

My brother. He was here a couple of years ago but he didn't make it.

- (Dog whining) - You might remember him:

medium build, 48 years old, bald patch, blond hair.

- (Dog barks) - I'm afraid not, sir.

OK, I would like you to write your name clearly on this form in capital letters.

And sign it, please.

That will do. Thank you very much.

OK, so you are not allowed to use the volleyball or tennis courts.

These are only for the couples.

You can use facilities for individual sports, such as squash and golf.

You can stay at the hotel for up to 45 days. You'll be staying in a single room.

If everything goes well and you make it, you'll be moved to a double room.

I'm afraid you cannot keep any of your personal belongings.

We will provide everything you need.

as far as garments, accessories and shoes are concerned.

- You can keep this. - Thank you.

Shoe size, please?

Forty-four and a half.

Forty-four of forty-five? There are no half sizes.

Forty-five.

If you need a haircut, call reception one day ahead.

Smoking is not allowed.

That way you'll be able to run for longer during the hunt without getting tired

and your breath won't smell when you kiss.

Enjoy your stay.

Excuse me, if we need to get a haircut,

we must call the reception the day before, is that right?

- That's right. - Great.

His room number was 101.

A tranquiliser gun was hanging on the wall above his bed.

On the table were 20 tranquiliser darts, a black plastic watch,

a pair of sunglasses and a cologne for men.

Inside the wardrobe were four identical grey trousers,

four identical button-down shirts in white and blue,

a belt, socks, underwear, a blazer,

a Striped tie and a white bathrobe.

He looked out the window.

The unconscious bodies of the captured loners were lying on the wet ground.

"Thank God they wear those waterproof ponchos," he thought.

Room 195.

Two loners, two extra days.

Room 272.

One loner, one extra day.

Hello. I'm the hotel manager and this gentleman is my partner.

We'd like to welcome you.

You're one of the lucky ones.

You have one of our superior rooms, which means you have a view.

- Did you read the leaflet? - Yes, I did.

Very good. Now the fact that you'll turn into an animal

if you fail to fall in love with someone during your stay here

is not something that should upset you, or get you down.

Just think as an animal you'll have a second chance to find a companion.

But even then, you must be careful.

You need to choose a companion that is a similar type of animal to you.

A wolf and a penguin could never live together,

nor could a camel and a hippopotamus.

That would be absurd.

Think about it.

I understand this discussion is a little unpleasant for you.

But it is my duty to prepare you psychologically,

for all possible outcomes.

Now, have you thought of what animal you'd like to be if you end up alone?

- Yes, a lobster. - Why a lobster?

Because lobsters live for over 100 years,

are blue-blooded like aristocrats

and stay fertile all their lives.

I also like the sea very much.

I water-ski and swim quite well, since I was a teenager.

I must congratulate you. The first thing most people think of is a dog,

which is why the world is full of dogs.

Very few people choose an unusual animal, which is why they are endangered.

A lobster is an excellent choice.

Could you stand for us, please?

This is to show you how easy life is when there are two of something

rather than just one.

We tend to forget that from time to time.

The handcuff will be removed at the same time tomorrow.

- It's alright, Bob. - I hope you enjoy your stay with us.

Goodbye.

Have a good day.

- (Alarm beeps) Good morning.

Room 101.

44 days left.

Breakfast is served.

Sit where you like.

His first day was one he'd never forget.

Near his table at breakfast sat a young woman with her head tilted back.

Later on he would learn that she often got nosebleeds.

Next to her sat her best friend.

He thanked the waiter who served him his coffee,

and thought about his wife for a moment.

A woman who seemed to like butter biscuits

offered one to a man drinking a Campari and soda for breakfast.

He then looked behind him and saw a woman

who he would later find out was absolutely heartless.

And some others in the couples area,

whom he'd never meet during his stay at the hotel.

That morning, he was really hungry.

He could have eaten a whole chicken but ate almost nothing.

- Hello. - Hello.

I've decided to go for a walk outside with my new friend.

Let me introduce you. This is Robert.

He stays in the room next to mine and has a lisp.

Pleased to meet you. I'm staying in room 101.

I'm on the same floor. I'm 186.

- Would you like to join us? - Why not?

One of these days, it's gonna be me on one of those yachts.

What are those yachts?

It's the final ordeal before letting you go and the hardest one.

15 days of vacation, just a couple, alone.

- Didn't you read the leaflet? - I did.

Have you seen John's leg?

No.

John, would you show your leg?

Oh, yeah.

Room 187, day two.

Hello, everyone.

My mother was left on her own when my father fell in love with a woman

who was better at math than she was.

She had a postgraduate degree, I think, whereas my mother was only a graduate.

I was 19 at the time.

My mother entered the hotel but didn't make it and was turned into a wolf.

I really missed her.

I found out she'd been moved to a zoo.

I often went there to see her.

I'd give her raw meat.

I knew that wolves liked raw meat,

but I couldn't figure out which of the wolves was my mother,

so I used to give a little bit to each of them.

One day, I decided to enter the enclosure

I really missed her and I wanted a hug.

I climbed the fence and jumped in.

All the wolves charged at once and attacked me,

all but two, who stood motionless.

My guess is that one of those two must have been my mother.

The zoo guards got to me quite quickly and took me to the hospital.

Thankfully, I didn't lose my leg, I just have this limp,

which is also my defining characteristic.

My wife died six days ago.

She was very beautiful and I loved her very much.

She had a limp too.

Thank you, John. You can return to your seat now.

Let's move on to our next guest.

Room 104, day two.

Hello, everyone.

This is only my second day here,

but already I feel like a member of a wonderful group.

My defining characteristic is that I have a very beautiful smile.

Have you ever danced with anybody?

Sorry?

Have you ever danced with anybody?

Yes.

What sort of dancing did you do?

Just depends on the music.

Do you need to sit down?

- No, no, no, I'm getting ready to dance. - Ah.

Can I sit here?

Sorry.

- Can I sit here? - Of course.

Let me introduce you to my best friend.