Mates

Connor!

You been here long mate?

Not at all.

I'm so sorry man.

Mate, if I'm late again just go on without me, you don't have to wait for me.

No really, it's not a problem.

Right, shall we go then?

So what are you up to this weekend?

Er, nothing much, just this and that you know.

Maybe go see a movie if I feel like it.

Yeah, you go by yourself sometimes don't you?

Most of the time actually.

I kinda prefer it that way to be honest.

I don't have to worry if the other person likes it or not that way.

Right, yeah.

Hey man, do you ever go hiking?

Er, yeah, I like going for walks around the park.

It's how I do a lot of my thinking.

Yeah, cool.

But I mean like proper long distance hikes.

You mean like where you stay overnight and carry your stuff and all that?

Yeah.

No, no I don't tend to do so well carrying stuff on my back.

I get like headaches and stuff, I think it's the pull on my shoulders.

Okay.

Why, how about you?

Yeah man.

I love it.

I'm actually planning one soon.

Really?

That sounds exciting.

Yeah, should be good.

So how heavy are those bags on your shoulders?

They're not too bad actually.

I mean you get a little waist strap so it kinda takes the pressure off.

I've never really had any problems with it.

Right.

I should probably give it a go sometime, maybe it's not as bad as I think.

Yeah, you should.

Right.

So whereabouts are you going?

No mate, so you just defrost the blueberries and they go in the yoghurt.

Okay.

Yeah, it's just cheaper isn't it?

Are you sure you're going to be all right with this bag, mate?

I mean compared to mine it's like really really light.

Yeah, like, I... I'm not bringing any cooking stuff or gas or anything.

I'm fine with bars and that, you know.

Okay mate, well, feel free to use any of my stuff.

I've got plenty of gas.

Yeah, well then that's okay.

I mean, I don't really eat breakfast.

Er, sorry.

Yeah, that's Mark.

Did I not mention him?

Sorry man, I should have said something.

All right, big boy!

Mark, Connor. Connor, Mark.

All right?

All right?

Mate, where's your aux cable?

It's busted.

What?

How are we going to listen to music?

There's a wallet in the glove box.

CDs?

Fantastic.

Oi! Eyes on the road, big boy.

Freaking hell.

Hey! Keep your arm still.

Mate, I'm literally driving.

It's your arm, mate.

Right.

Now that is perfect.

Really?

What?

I think it suits you.

All right, your go then.

Right.

I either have to...

...wear my underwear on the outside of my jeans...

...or...

...pick someone else's nose.

Yeah, I think underwear it is, mate.

Ooh, how convenient.

All right, show time son.

This is so stupid.

Oi oi!

This is SO stupid.

This is so stupid.

This is - this is juvenile.

Whose stupid idea was this?

I think it suits you, mate.

Yeah? I guess it does make me look a bit like Superman, doesn't it?

Right.

Next up, you can either...

...wear a sock on your hand.

Er, I'm not playing.

Come on, mate, don't be a pussy.

We've both had our goes.

Sorry, I... never said I was playing.

Right.

All right.

Yeah.

All right.

Your bag, good sir.

Thanks.

Did you not bring a -

I look absolutely ridiculous.

Looking good boy.

I'm not - I'm not going like this tonight.

Come on.

Don't "come on" me, mate.

I look absolutely stupid.

Right, bring the poles.

Yep.

How about we say it ends when we get to the pub?

Well, this isn't coming off any time soon, is it?

You're probably thinking what on earth have you got yourself into?

No, no.

Mate, are your levels all right? Do you need any...

What if

What if you draw on my arm as well?

He can do it and all. Make up for earlier.

Do it on both of ours.

Connor?

Er...

I'm not doing it.

He's all right, mate.

What do you think?

It's either this or nothing, mate.

Do you like the crunchy one though?

No! No!

What about like Reese's peanut butter cups?

No! No, definitely obviously if I don't like peanut butter.

Right, what are we having, gents?

Er... don't know, mate, whatever they've got on tap.

Er, I don't drink.

Of course you don't.

Do you want a Coke or something?

Just a water maybe, thanks.

Right.

You know what that means though?

We have a designated driver.

All right, let's have a look at this.

Do you fancy a starter?

Um...

Oi, oi...

She's all right, isn't she?

You see that?

She's exactly your type and all.

Mate, she's... she's unreal.

A bit of you, isn't she?

- Stop it! - Well go on then.

What?

You're going over, right?

Nah.

Mate.

Come on.

You've not had sex in a year, Nathan.

Why are you so fussed about going over anyway?

You've already got What's-her-name on your case.

So?

Look, I'm going over.

Feel free to stay here with your brand new boyfriend.

You coming?

Er... No, no thanks, I'm okay.

Everything all right?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You sure?

Yeah, yeah, I... I think I'm just a bit tired.

Okay, man.

This is going to be really bad, isn't it?

All right, won't be long.

No problem.

Ladies, hello.

Hi.

Now, I didn't want to interrupt,

but I noticed you admiring my friend over here.

I wasn't.

And I just thought I'd do us all a favour and introduce you.

This is Nathan.

Sorry about him.

Hi.

Hi, I'm Mel.

Nathan.

Umm...

which you already know.

Hi.

Sam, very formal, is this your regular move?

No, my mum just raised me right. What can I say?

Mind if we join you ladies?

Why not? Please do. Of course.

Right, now I am sorry about him.

He's not this shy normally.

As soon as you saw your friend over here was checking him out,

he basically became a teenager again, didn't you?

Yeah, cheers for that mate.

Anyway, I am Mark.