Whip It

Five minutes, my little lambs.

Has anyone seen Bliss Cavendar?

Pash, this can't be happening.

Why aren't you backstage, Brooke?

You know how it is.

They get to a certain age, they don't want you back there.

She said she'll meet me here.

Really? That's odd.

It says "temporary."

It did a minute ago, I swear.

My mom is gonna kill me.

Now, Miss Amber Black.

If I could have dinner with anyone, it would have to be God.

Because what they say is true. God is great.

Don't tell them that I did it, okay?

Those are the rules, you're not allowed to tell.

Let go. I'm your only friend.

Corbi Booth, ladies and gentlemen.

If I could have dinner with anyone, it would have to be my grandfather.

I love you, Papa.

And now, also from Bodeen, Miss Bliss Cavendar.

If I could have dinner with anyone,

it would be Amelia Earhart,

because not only was she a pioneer of aviation,

but she was a great woman in history.

Thank you.

So enlighten me What was that little stunt all about?

Are you trying to sabotage your chances?

Or was it just your biological urge to make your mother look like a jackass?

It was just a dare.

How did that work out for you?

Not so great?

Corbi.

Congratulations, honey Well-deserved.

Thank you. Thumbs way up.

Thank you, Mrs. Cavendar.

Bliss is so hard to beat. Usually.

Well, the Blue Bonnet pageant is right around the corner.

And we'll be there. Come on, honey.

See you later See you.

I'm sorry that these pageants

don't live up to your high moral standards, Bliss,

but there's a lot you can learn from them,

no matter what you go on to be in life.

You think you're being judged up there on that stage,

but no one's asking you to be Miss America.

I wanna be Miss America.

And you're gonna be the best one ever, sweetheart.

Teeth.

Eyes.

Trudy, bless your heart for fitting us in.

Well, hell. Shit happens.

Let me get my foils.

Now, what were you thinking, getting blue hair?

Fourteenth drive in the red zone.

They have now given up nine touchdowns

and three field goals. We'll see how this one ends up.

He's only had one take away in the red zone.

Hey.

I won another one.

Lord, child, you are unstoppable.

And had I known what you were up to, I would have bought a ticket.

Earl.

I mean, dang it, girl, what has gotten into you?

Just defective, I guess.

Nice parenting, Earl.

Come on, now.

I'll see you later.

Dinner.

Seriously, out of all the places to go to in the world,

who would come to Bodeen?

Them I mean, they're smart,

at least they just pass through.

Go ahead and mock it.

But without the Blue Bonnet factory, this town wouldn't exist.

You know what, Birdman,

I think I preferred you before you got promoted.

You know, now you're all corporate.

I know. I miss the old Birdman. Yeah.

Ladies, don't let the tie fool you. I'm still one of us.

But y'all are gonna have to start calling me Dwayne now.

It's more dignified. No.

Birdman is the only thing you have going for you.

That's what you think.

Really?

Yeah.

Hey.

Make sure they tip you this time.

Hey, what can I get you guys?

Hey, Corbi.

So what are you, like, alternative now?

Alternative to what?

What's the name of that thing that if I eat it real fast, it's free?

That's the Squealer. You have to eat it in three minutes or less.

Yeah, you bring me a Squealer.

And I don't mean Corbi.

Let's go, buddy, pick it up Come on, come on.

Yes, you got it, you got it.

I can't believe you used to share a bed with her.

You make it sound very dirty. It was just sleepovers.

Come on! Come on! Baby, do it. Do it.

Come on, Colby! Yeah!

That's my man. Come on, Colby.

It's free, bitches! It's free! It's free!

I was thinking

maybe we could go to Austin and do some shopping.

Really?

Teach them well and let them lead the way.

Show them all the beauty they possess inside

them a sense of pride to make It easier.

You hate them.

Well, they don't have duct tape on them That's an improvement.

Hi.

Thanks.

Pretty vases.

They're great for tulips, really.

Thank you. Yup, I changed my mind.

- No, please, Bliss. - Come on.

Don't... Don't be embarrassed.

It's funny.

I'm supposed to buy you shoes from a head shop?

Does that really strike you as responsible parenting?

Fine 'cause shoes are a gateway drug.

For gosh sakes, Bliss.

It goes out of bounds near the 42 yard line.

There is a flag down.

- Yeah, it's Earl. - Hello, Earl.

Can you please explain to your daughter

why it's inappropriate to buy shoes in a head shop?

Dad, it's not like that.

You took your mother to a head shop?

Are you off your nut?

You know, if she wasn't here and I used my own money,

it wouldn't make a difference That's not the point.

Look, I am in the middle of a deal here, okay?

So whatever you all work out is fine with me.

Give me that - Okay?

Earl, do you know how hard I have worked

to raise these girls in a drug-free environment?

- Yes, I do. - Exactly.

Hi. Hey, girls. What's up?

Hello. Dropping my flyers off.

- Perfect. - Hurl Scouts-Holy Rollers.

See you then - Thanks, girls. Bye.

Come on All right, let's go. Come on.

Screw you and your grandma's Chevy Celebrity.

Here.

No, what are you doing? Yes, yes, yes you got stiffed

on your tips again, just take it. No.

- Just take it, take it. - No.

What is this?

Roller derby?

This is... This is tomorrow.

This is in Austin.

Yeah, I know.

Will there be cute boys there?

Hey, Mom, Dad. Ee're gonna go to a football game.

It's an away game, but...

The team kind of needs us.

No, not "kind of," they do.

Well, sure.

Hey, I'll tell you what, I'll take you.

No, it's cool. You have your car.

Yeah, I have my car.

No, but I mean, you know, we can watch together.

Earl, let the girls go on and have their fun.

And then you and I can nuzzle.

I kind of feel bad lying to them.

I don't. I give my parents straight A's.

I get freedom.

Don't say I never gave you anything.

Okay, everybody, and welcome to skate night at the Warehouse.

I'm a little hung-over tonight, so I...

Anyway, let me introduce you to our first team.

Coming to you from the streets of Austin,

men, hold on to your cookies, it's the Hurl Scouts.

Number 99, captain of the Hurl Scouts, Maggie Mayhem.

Number 69, Bloody Holly.

Number 3, Rosa Sparks.

Number 2, Smashley Simpson.

Razor Magee's Hurl Scouts have come in last place three years running.

This league has five teams, each with their own theme.

What outlaw do we have skating against the Hurl Scouts

this fine Texas evening here?

I'm talking about the girls so bad that even God can't keep them in line.

Give it up for the undefeated Holy Rollers.

Last season's champs are led by their captain,

the league's leading scorer, Iron Maven.

Yeah, she's the one from the flyer.

I'm feeling hot in these polyesters right now, baby.

Ladies and gentlemen,

let's play some roller derby!

A jammer scores a point in this course

by passing members of the opposite team.

Maven gets a great jump. That's fast.

And she's out to an early lead.

Iron Maven, ladies and gentlemen.

Folks, the ones to watch tonight are the jammers.

Those are the ones with the stars on their helmets.

Some of you might remember watching derby on TV back in the '70s,