Conan O'Brien: The Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize for American Humor

- Hey, Conan! - Hey. How are you?

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to a new era of The Kennedy Center,

a Kennedy Center that celebrates true American values.

This vaunted stage will now showcase distinguished, elegant,

and revered entertainment that we as a nation can be proud of.

Good evening,

and welcome to The Kennedy Center.

Thank you all for coming, and shame on you for being here!

That should cover it, yes?

And now, ladies and gentlemen…

…please welcome your 26th winner

of the Mark Twain Prize winner,

Conan O'Donnell!

- - O'Brien.

- O'Brien. Yes. - Hey!

- -

- Conan! - Thank you.

Thank you very much!

This is so crazy.

Oh yes!

Oh yes!

Thank you very much.

How would your co-workers describe you?

I could say I'm fair, honest, and endlessly creative.

You're supposed to use one word or less.

You look like a ginger crash test dummy.

I wish I had your confidence.

- No, I'm just deluded. -

I'm fine.

I guess I'm sort of the warm-up guy now.

All right, freeze.

You're under arrest for public display of a bonah.

You know, I fancy myself a bit of a filmmaker.

Hello, job?

Television job?

You better be as good as Letterman.

- I'll give it a shot. -

Here's your host, Conan O'Brien!

Basic cable.

Basic cable.

Do you see the bits? This never stops.

Ginger, no!

My next guest is...

The Interrupter!

- -

Heehaw!

You're a bastard.

Yes, I know.

He goes into character

when he doesn't want to address reality sometimes.

This is not true.

You can't be on pills and drive.

Thank you. Please remain seated.

We did it! Yeah!

Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

Yeah!

Grab me a 40.

And when you're getting him a "fotee," could you get me a 40?

- -

- -

I will make fun!

A stand-up comedian,

an actor, and now a late-night host,

he is a true single threat.

Please welcome

John Mulaney!

Good evening. My name is John Mulaney.

It's an honor to be here at The Kennedy Center,

or as it will be known next week,

"The Roy Cohn Pavilion for Big, Strong Men Who Love Cats."

Congratulations

to my friend Conan O'Brien

on receiving the 26th

and final Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.

When I heard Conan O'Brien was receiving the 2025 Mark Twain Prize,

I was reminded of something that David Berkowitz, aka the Son of Sam,

said when he was apprehended on a hot Yonkers night in 1977.

"Hey, what took you guys so long?"

Most speeches like this do a bunch of jokes,

and they save the nice part for the end.

I'm going to get it over with and do the nice part first.

Conan O'Brien, you're my hero.

Because of you,

I set about to be a comedy writer,

who also somehow, despite all the data, gets to be on TV.

And because of you, I am.

You showed me how a bizarre Catholic man,

who presents well but is deeply troubled on the inside…

…could navigate the entertainment industry.

I have copied and stolen from you in every way possible.

Conan, I sincerely thank you.

I…

I was watching the night Late Night with Conan O'Brien premiered,

September 13, 1993,

and I liked you so much, so immediately, that little did I know

that being your biggest fan for 32 years

would be one of the most emotionally taxing experiences of my life.

Being a Conan fan since the early days has been so stressful.

There's always a goddamn petition to sign…

…or some kind of protest to save him.

It's like being the fan of a rec center in a gentrified neighborhood

that developers want to tear down.

There's no argument for it, but we're like,

"Don't take it away from us!"

Conan's early days were rocky,

and at one point, he was on a series of 13-week contracts,

a fact I have known since I was 12 years old.

No 12-year-old should walk around being like,

"Oh my God, Conan's up for renewal."

It's not stress a child should feel.

Now, you think, maybe, did you have any primer for this?

I was a Cubs fan,

so I knew how to root for people that lose constantly,

but… …with Conan, it was like being a Cubs fan,

but you think the way they lost was so brilliant that they won,

and you're trying to convince the scoreboard.

It was like being a Cubs fan if after each game,

there was a serious discussion as to whether or not the Cubs

should be allowed to be a team anymore.

But I was so happy to be on your team.

I spent the next decade trying to follow in your footsteps.

In July 2008, I was at dinner with my mom,

and I got a call that I'd been hired to be a writer at Saturday Night Live.

And I went back inside, and I told my mom, and the waiter overheard me,

and he said, "Do you know that's how Conan O'Brien started?"

And I said, "I've known that half my life, you fucking moron."

I was headed to Conan's old job,

as his star continued to rise and rise.

Then, 2010, Jesus Christ, once again,

I gotta chain myself to the tree of Conan

as the bulldozers closed in.

But hey…

Enough about that time.

Conan has been very clear that he has moved on with wisdom and grace.

Meanwhile, all his radicalized acolytes

were just left wandering around the country,

jaded and paranoid that the people paying us

are actually our enemies. It's a mess.

Conan was like, "Don't be cynical," and then collected a cool $50 million.

You are the richest underdog in this town.

Yeah, I know.

Conan, you accomplished something extraordinary.

You've stayed on our screens, brilliant, always from the drop,

but adapting and innovating and bobbing and weaving

and figuring it out again and again.

You did it. You won.

I am reminded…

…of a quote that is often attributed to Mark Twain,

though many claim it was first said by the Son of Sam.

Historians still debate its origins, but either way, it's apt for tonight.

So again, unclear who said this, Mark Twain or the Son of Sam.

"Dear Jimmy Breslin…."

"This is the Son of Sam."

"Don't think that because you haven't heard from me for a while

that I went to sleep. No."

"Rather, I am still here,

like a spirit roaming the night,

thirsty, hungry,

seldom stopping to rest,

"anxious to please Father Sam."

"I love my work, and now the void has been filled."

"Yours in murder, Mr. Monster…"

"…aka the Son of Sam."

Thank you for letting me be here, and congratulations, Conan.

This next guest can make anything funny,

except his last seven movies.

Please welcome Will Ferrell!

So, okay, uh…

Look, I don't even know how to get into this, um…

Is Conan... Is he even here tonight? Do we know?

Is... No?

Is he here? Any idea?

Where? Where?

Oh, okay.