NYC 22

My name is Ahmad Khan... Upstairs.

What is?

Good morning, sir. Tonya Sanchez reporting...

Downstairs.

Yo!

What the hell you think you're doing?

You lay a hand on my stuff,

I'll snap it off at the wrist.

Hey.

You want to just use mine for now?

Yeah, thanks.

This is my frickin' bench.

Torres? Here.

Williams? Here.

Martini? Here, yeah.

Lee? Here.

Moore? Here.

Perry? Here.

Elias?

Here. Ramos? Here.

I'm gonna hit that before the sun goes down.

Six months in the academy she never even looked your way.

Now all of a sudden you're gonna nail it on day one?

That's how we roll.

That's how we roll.

On today's menu,

last night at 0200 hours we had an agg assault

at the Shannon Bar on West 92,

two jibones beefing over Derek Jeter's salary,

they take it outside, one keeps stomping the other

while he's out cold,

and as of 0600 this morning,

our agg assault became a homicide.

The killer.

No name, shaved head, six-five, six-six,

green flight jacket

romper-stomper boots with silver clips,

shamrock tat on the throat.

Someone apprehends this cutie today,

there's an opening in anti-crime.

No promises, just saying.

Item two, somebody's been

going around to shop owners the last two weeks or so

and making them buy aspidistras at 300 a pop,

and they're paying.

Yesterday a bodega worker

tried to kick this guy out of the store

and he wound up in the hospital with a broken jaw.

That's the third hospitalization this week

and we can't even get a description of him

from the vics 'cause they're too scared to talk to us.

If you look around the precinct there's an awful lot

of aspidistras in the windows.

What's an aspidistra?

It's a plant, moron. Right?

Aspidistra Elatior is a stemless plant up to

one meter in height with dark green leaves.

We get it, Wikipedia.

All right, all right, all right, all right.

Uh, Sergeant Howard. For those of you who don't know,

I'm Sergeant Terry Howard from Gang Intel

and I need to get the word out

that two of our crews from the north end,

the Graveyard Dons on 121st Street

and the Mafia Skull Crackers on 115 and 8th,

they've been talking smack on Twitter

and MySpace for the last three weeks.

Finally last night an MSC,

Travis Lemon, got stabbed in the leg,

suspect in the wind, so we're expecting payback

today, tonight, tomorrow the latest.

We're not talking drive-bys.

It will be an old-school rumble,

14-year-olds with sticks and blades.

Now the battle lane between the two,

as always, straight up and down 8th Avenue

between footpost 41 and 42.

Now if there's anyone in that area...

on your toes.

Hey.

You ever read The Kite Runner?

Screw him.

All right, last business,

rookies; we've got 15 fresh off the farm today.

Let's give them

a round of applause for making it through

to the 2-2. Welcome.

Really?

All right, dismissed. Have a safe tour.

My name is Sergeant Daniel Dean.

There are also some who call me Yoda.

I don't like it.

I'm your field training officer.

Here are my orders of the day:

Don't get hurt, don't hurt anyone,

keep your mouth shut

and your eyes open.

In essence, just stand there.

If anything jumps off,

you radio me.

Your posts are two blocks long

contiguous to each other... contiguous means next to.

You share the post with your partner

but you're not hanging out,

you're not telling jokes.

You're learning the lay of the land.

Toney, Perry,

welcome to footpost 41.

Get out.

Footpost 42.

So I hear that you were White House color guard, huh?

I was chosen for that.

Yeah.

Color guard, I mean, like the boy scouts.

I was in Iraq for two years before that.

Yeah? Doing what?

I was a Marine MP.

An MP...

Yeah, an MP,

but it's Iraq so went along on convoys

and got our asses shot at just like everybody else.

What's your problem? You played basketball...

that's a playground game.

I was a professional athlete.

You played a game.

Besides, weren't you a little short for the NBA?

See, point guard is about commanding the troops,

not banging under the boards.

I mean, not that I didn't do that, too.

Is this your idea of flirting with me

or something? You want me to flirt with you, White House?

When you were in the NBA your nickname was what?

Crackpot? It was jackpot...

and you know what it was, sweet thing.

Come meet your constituents.

You'll get further with "White House."

This here is Travis Lemon's crew.

The Skull Crackers.

Fellas!

What's the matter, no school today? Nah, it's, uh,

teacher enrichment day.

Check these two bags.

So...

who you stabbed your boy Travis last night?

Travis? He got stuck.

Hey, yo, this dude right here look like the Jayson Toney dude

that played point for Charlotte, man.

Yeah? Yeah.

I know you grew up around here, too. You don't say.

This here is Paris Carter. Bull goose Skull Cracker,

always look to see where he's at.

You don't know my name.

Yes I do, Paris, and that ain't a good thing.

Right Anthony?

If anything with the Dons jumps off today,

tonight, this week, I'm coming back for you

and you, Tyrell, and you, Monroe.

Monroe's good to go right now,

outstanding bench warrant.

Damn, we set that got cut, though.

You want pay back?

Tell us who winged your boy, we'll take it from there.

You guys stay off the street today...

we're gonna be watching.

See, the whole thing out here is

you got maybe two dozen sets all hating on each other.

Right now we want to just stop them from going to war

long enough fro them to forget about it, start something

with someone else. Then we do the same thing