Danny's House

Oh, hey.

I ain't see you there.

I'm Danny, and this is "Danny's House."

You know, I was just thinking about the universe.

Sometimes it just seems like it go on and on forever and ever.

You know, you wonder if it just ends at, like, a wall

or one of those boring grey rooms.

That just lacks imagination.

Then there's the whole UFO and alien thing.

People say they seen them everywhere,

but where I'm from, in Michigan,

we got the ninth most sightings in America.

Ninth?! Why the... we can't be first?

We got to get them sightings up, Michigan.

I guess my biggest concern would be,

"What if they tried to enslave us?"

That would suck.

I mean, what if aliens come, and we cool with them,

and then new aliens come,

but the aliens we cool with not cool with the new aliens,

and then it's just one big problem?

I guess we just got to wait and see.

Danny!

There is some grown-ass women

on that computer moaning and grunting,

and they ain't got no clothes on.

Turn it off!

Ah!

- It's open. - I am so happy to see you.

I love you, Danny.

- Oh, oh, Danny! - What the hell, Peeper?

Aliens don't reproduce by sex?

You think they do some Piccolo shit?

They just lay eggs?

There's a lot of people anal-probing people

who aren't aliens at all -

just people having a good weekend.

Everybody has fun at Danny's House.

Peeper: Danny, buddy, you got to see

what I am seeing right now.

Peeper...

Danny, come see my peephole.

- Peeper! - Oh!

What you over here peeping on?

I'm just checking to see if the neighbors

are having any orgies.

I can't tell which one of them is playing hard to get,

but either way, I'm aroused.

Aren't we 'posed to be just looking at the stars?

Oh, God!

It's acoustic for now,

but something's gonna get plugged.

- Peeper, you gross. - Yeah!

Nice young couple likes piss.

Ew!

Do you think they're excited

because they're about to have a four-way?

I mean, maybe later.

Well, maybe we'll be able to find a UFO

that's having an orgy.

What if aliens are designed so differently from us

that their orgies are gross?

You don't know until you know, Danny.

The universe is a sexy place.

Who wouldn't want to penetrate that?

Oh, oh, oh! Come on!

I never thought about it that way.

Exactly. So why don't you go talk to your first guest,

A$AP Rocky, and I'll just keep on peeping?

Rocky here?

I'll just keep on peeping.

Oh!

Rocky!

Wake up, man. - Man.

You want to talk about some aliens?

What's wrong with you, bro?

That's how you wake somebody up to talk about goddamn aliens?

I'm just saying, man, what's up?

What's up, bro?

Well, yo, you believe in aliens?

Hell yeah, man.

Hell yeah. What about you?

I'm starting to believe the theory

that we livin' in a simulation.

- Like "The Matrix"? - Like, "Oh, this might be real."

Yeah! You ever did DMT?

It just all break down. Bggggggt!

Damn, no. I did LSD, though.

You can't see aliens if you do LSD.

You ever saw a alien before?

Yo, I don't know if it was a alien or a ghost.

I can't really differentiate, but I saw some strange shit.

Tell us about this.

So I remember I was probably, like, 3 or maybe 3 years old.

3? You remembering shit from when you was 3?

Oh, yeah. I got elephant's memory.

So listen, right?

My mother was putting the key in the door,

and I looked down the hall, and I see a figure,

a shadow figure.

A shadow - just literally a shadow?

Yo, he didn't have no facial features.

He was just, like, a figure, and he was a shadow.

That shit... me up.

So you think you seen a alien in Harlem?

When you put it like that, you make me sound crazy.

I'm just saying.

They usually say, like, aliens always on, like,

farm places and shit like that where they see UFO sightings.

They never say a place like Harlem.

I know, because I think that they try to stay away from,

like, large population.

What if aliens came down, and they looked just like you?

How would we know that they aliens?

If a alien came down and he looked

just like A$AP Rocky...

Yo, there's a couple mother...

that might be aliens out there, then, bro.

You ever saw, like, what they call a shape-changer or...

- Shape-shifter. - Shape-shifter.

See, that's the YouTube stuff.

And what if that nigga ScHoolboy Q a alien?

No. ScHoolboy Q ain't a alien, man. Bro.

I seen him take a shit at a truck stop.

They don't do that.

That's some trippy shit.

You ever saw a alien?

I mean, I did see some shit one time when I was floating.

I ain't gonna lie. What is it?

Sensory deprivation. It's the float tank -

you know, when you get in the tank butt-naked, and you...

- Oh, yeah! - I got into my zone.

I got deep in it, and it was like

I was hearing, like, some crazy little music.

I got to... with this shit.

It sounded like the illest shit

I ever heard in my life. Like some elves?

And it was just, like, some little

green-looking mother... like...

- What? - But it freaked me out.

I didn't like it. You know what I'm saying?

They don't shoot you with nothing, no... They go - no, no.

It's like you go die for a few hours.

I mean, what if we die, and we really just going

to another planet on some alien shit?

Like, you really - there's millions of these planets,

and they talk about a Heaven and Hell,

and they don't really understand that theory,

but what if we die, we just transform to another planet?

That's what the... I'm talking about 'cause look, right?

We made of, like, energy, essentially...

Yes, exactly, exactly.

...atoms, molecules, follicles, right?

We can't see the germs on this table.

We can't even see, like, the dust on...

It's a whole continent on this table.

- You feel me? - What if this somebody planet?

What you think the ants are doing in a ant farm?

That's they whole planet, right?

Our internal body does look like a galaxy.

Yeah, it's creepy.

- Can I ask you something? - What?

Would you have a threesome with two bad alien bitches?

If I get some BlueChew or some Rhinos

from out the 7-Eleven. You know what I'm saying?

You know you were the first person that ever gave me Viagra?

Didn't need it at the time.

Your ass had a bucket... Yeah!

...of vitamins, Cialises, fish oils,

and goddamn Viagras. It was a...

- "Hey, man." - It was very expensive.

"This is Viagra right here, and then, look.

See, the blue shit right here, nigga,

this shit gonna have you up about, like, five hours."

I used to take them every time I wore skinny jeans.

You know what I'm saying?

I had to show off what I'm working with!

Oh, shit!

If you got a alien pregnant, would you keep it?

- Hell yeah. - You would marry it?

'Cause I need that green card to that next planet.

Oh, shit. I never thought about that theory.

Yeah.

Every time I watch a sci-fi movie,

I see some aliens, and I'll be thinking about

...them sometimes. Facts.

We gonna play this game called "Smash or Pass,"

and you gonna tell me would you hit or not.

You dead-ass, bro?

You got to keep your socks on. ...it. Like...

No, man. I ain't... nobody with they socks on. Yeah.

That's like prostitution at that point.

So is this a smash or a pass?

Every time I watch a sci-fi movie,