Frasier

Before we begin, I'd like to say

how honored I am to be taking over this spot.

Obviously, I have some rather big shoes to fill.

My predecessor here was much beloved.

But I have never been one to shrink from a challenge.

I'm sure that we'll all enjoy many happy years here together

in my new home.

Now, today, on Medical Minute,

we're going to be tackling the sticky subject of...

Thank you, Dr. Crane.

Great audition.

Really? That's all you need?

I think we have a good idea what you're all about.

Excellent.

Uh... we'll be in touch.

I'm sure you will.

Next, please.

Formalities. Yes, I understand.

Perhaps I'll just take a walk around the station.

Check out the dressing rooms

introduce myself to a few people.

Say, you know, is there a sign-up list

for the softball team?

I'm sure that Frasier "Slugger" Crane's

going to be an asset to this station

in more ways than one.

Morning, Frasier.

Oh, good morning, Dad.

A little early for the piano, isn't it?

Yes. I'm sorry about that.

You know, I woke up this morning

thinking about that operetta I've been writing...

you know, the one about Robert and Elizabeth Browning...

and I think... well, I just had to right to it.

Well, that's what I get for living in a big city.

If it's not the horns waking you up,

it's someone writing an operetta about the Brownings.

Well, you know, I'm pretty sure that I've solved the problem.

Good for you.

But I'd have to hear it to be sure.

I'll bet. Dad.

Forget it. Come on.

No. I've done it once. That's enough.

Come on, Dad. It will just take a minute.

I just want to do this one section.

Oh, all right.

But I'm not doing the accent.

That's fine.

All right, we'll take it from right here.

Fine.

I'm not going to do this.

All right, I'll just sing it with Niles later.

Oh, that'll cheer me up.

Dad, be careful of those sketches. Sketches?

Yes. Well, you know, I've been planning

on redecorating the apartment.

I thought, why not just design my own furniture?

Boy, Frasier, you've been taking on

a lot of big projects lately.

Well, Dad, you see,

any moment, that phone

is going to ring with another job offer,

and this blessed little hiatus will be over.

I want to have achieved

as many of my life's ambitions as possible.

Gee, Dad, frankly, you should take up a project or two.

Me? What are you talking about?

I'm doing stuff all the time.

Why, just this weekend,

I taught Eddie a great new trick.

Really?

Come here, boy.

Yeah. I'll show you. It starts out,

I point a gun at him.

I like it so far.

Then I say, "Freeze, punk! It's all over."

It's all over.

Oh, come on, Eddie.

You're supposed to go like this.

Well done, Dad.

Now you just have to teach Eddie

to say, "It's all over."

Can someone help me here?

What is all that?

Some books Dr. Crane sent me

to get from the storage space.

It's research I'm doing for a novel I'm planning.

Gee, Daphne, I was beginning to wonder

what was taking you so long.

Well, forgive me!

But I did have to move three crates, a rowing machine

and a cast iron bathtub out of the way first.

Oh, look at that.

The only book I really wanted

was in the shelf already. Here, Daphne.

You'll have to take these back down.

Oh, my God! That's my duck!

All right.

Thank you, Daphne.

When you're done with that,

I need you to run some errands for me.

I need a very sturdy lemon zester,

some more music paper, some potting soil and an easel.

Oh, I'd be happy to.

Then, after that, maybe I could draw a bath,

strip you naked, and scrub you with a loofah.

Would that be all right, Dr. Crane?

Yes.

Oh!

Didn't even see you standing there.

Niles, can I talk to you about something?

Just a second, Dad.

Okay.

Well, it's about Frasier.

Ever since he got fired, he's been so weird.

All these projects he's got going.

Yeah. Don't worry. It's normal.

He's simply in a state of denial.

Denial about what?

About getting fired.

People like Frasier, his whole identity revolves

around their job. The loss of a job

is like a... like a death, and they cope with it

the same way they would with a death...

by going through a series of stages.

The first one's denial.

Usually that's followed by anger. Then...

I've done it!

Escoffier's most difficult dish

done to tangy perfection!

You know, sometimes I think I may have missed my calling

not becoming a gourmet chef.

I see we're still in stage one.

Hello, Niles.

Hey, Frasier. Ready for our squash date?

Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.

I'm going to have to cancel.

I'll be cooking all morning.

Oh, what for?

Actually, I'm holding a little picnic

for the KACL employees and their families.

As you may recall, I did get them all fired.

I was just hoping to make amends

by serving up a little duck al'orange

and an al fresco mea culpa.

You know, people like chips at a picnic, too.

Excuse me.

Hello. Ah, yes, Bebe.

Yes. Yes, the television job.

Oh, yes, yes.

Uh-huh.

Oh, what a relief.

Thank you.

Bye-bye. You got it?

No, thank goodness.

That job starts tomorrow.

I have got things to do.

I-I'm sorry, Frasier.

Sorry? My God, you sound just like Dad.

I am going to get another job.

The people of this city need me.

I'm a beloved Seattle institution.

A couple more days like this,

he's going to be in a beloved Seattle institution.

Hey, Doc, Roz, wait till you hear this:

I got a job today.

Really? Good, good. Oh, my God.

Now you'll have to rub me for good luck.

Where?

Well, start on my knee,

work your way up.

Where's the job?

Oh, that new all-sports station.

I got the breakfast slot.

I even came up with a slogan.

"Coffee, eggs and Bulldog."

Sounds like some sort of a Malaysian happy meal.

A word of caution on the hummus:

to be avoided as a leper would avoid a magic teacup ride.

Gil, Frasier made that.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Quite all right, Gil.

I understand you need to flex your critical muscles

while you're between jobs.

Oh, good. Then you might enjoy this one:

After sampling your un-nuanced baba ganoush,

I was tempted to describe

your entire Middle Eastern buffet

as "The Sorrow and the Pita."

Oh, who's got a pencil?

I've got to write that one down.

Hi, everybody!

Hi, Tooty!

I just got the most exciting news today.

They just picked up

my Story Time Theater on public television.

Well, that's wonderful!

Talk about living happily ever after, huh?

Ka-ching!

Hey, Dr. Crane.