Resident Alien

Previously on "Resident Alien"

I think this alien's here to kill everybody.

You will help me find my device.

- That's on the glacier. - You can't go there.

Harry, don't go! It's too dangerous.

- Not for me. - Harry!

You have kids?

We have a little boy named Max.

Max.

You should take my number. Call anytime.

When I find my device, I can finally kill them all.

Harry! Don't move.

I am what your people call an extraterrestrial.

- An alien. - I feel nauseous.

You earn respect through your actions, Deputy.

Did you make your own murder board?

Toxicology results. Sam was poisoned.

You don't respect me, and you never have.

I quit!

I'm not quitting. I'm gonna get us out of here.

- Tell me how to help you. - My leg.

I will die if you don't chop it off.

Okay, look at me. I won't let you die.

Aah!

Do my feet look like watermelons?

'Cause they feel like it.

The sexiest watermelons

I've ever seen.

Still so much to do before"Jack" or "Joanie" comes.

We need crib sheets and burp cloths.

Couples massage.

So where do we stand

on baby food?

Jarred or homemade?

I don't know. I read somewhere homemade

doesn't keep as well. A little too lumpy.

Plus, I've tried baby applesauce,

and it's freakin' delicious.

What's happening?

I don't know.

My God.

Honey!

Honey, the baby.

Okay.

You saw that, right?

I'm dead.

But if I'm dead, why do I feel so warm and squishy

like I'm being hugged by a cloud?

No.

This must be the afterlife.

I'm in human heaven.

It makes me want to kill myself.

I see the morphine is still working.

What are you doing here?

Why does the afterlife

look like a crappy cabin?

Are you dead too?

I didn't want to leave you alone

after what you'd been through. Come on.

You need to eat just so you can get your strength back.

Now I know why you have 17 gallons of milk in your fridge.

Okay, I need to change your dressing.

Um, I think we should, you know,

try to avoid suspicion.

So I started looking into getting you a prosthetic.

I know what the freakin' hell is that?

That is my leg.

It's regenerating.

How is that even possible?

My people are descendants

of octopuses.

Soon it will grow longer,

and then I will transform the molecules into human shape.

So you're telling me eventually that thing

- will look like that one? - Yes.

Except for the mole and the hangnail.

I chewed my toenail down too low.

You can go now.

Excuse me?

I stayed up all night.

I got supplies. I dressed your wounds.

I cleaned you up, and this is how you thank me?

I didn't ask you to stay.

Well, I did

'cause that's what humans do.

They take care of one another.

You know, when somel'm sorry,

I can't take you seriously with that thing.

- - What is wrong with it? - It's perfectly normal.

Jesus, can you just

put a sock on it?

It likes the fresh air.

- Also, it's not a thing. - It is a leg.

You are leg-shaming me.

Be careful with that.

- No. - Please be careful.

Do not press the black button.

I'm not ready to radiomy people yet.

This black button?

Asta.

- Say thank you. - Thank you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Please do not move.

I'm going to work, and I'll be back later.

If all goes as planned,

there won't be a "later."

Yes. Later.

Shit!

I knew it.

Why are you ignoring my calls?

Um, I'm sorry.

- I've just been so busy. - Ooh.

'Cause last night, you sent me inside to get help,

and when I came back out, you and Harry were gone, so...

- Yeah, sorry. - Harry was in bad shape.

And I realized we didn't have an MRI machine.

So I took him to the hospital in Braddock.

What?

I know you too well. You're lying.

I am not.

Yeah, you are. You have a tell.

- Really? - What's my tell?

Well, I can't tell you because then you'd know

what the tell is and you'd hide the tell from me,

and I wouldn't be able to tell. It's like...

Wow, you ever thought about working for the CIA?

Yeah, actually, I'm waiting to hear back.

Hey, Asta.

The doctor had me call Braddock to follow up on Harry's MRI.

But they have no record of it.

- That's a mistake. - So I'll take care of it.

Thank you.

Why is she staring at you like that?

What did you do?

Don't you have better things to do, Ellen?

Maybe unpack the shipment of catheters

that came in this morning?

- Right. - The fun stuff.

Got my eye on you, Twelvetrees.

The power source is damaged.

Built to provide energy for 5,000 years

but apparently not built to withstand

an unprotected fall into a crevasse.

Certain alien races implant tiny transmitters

into human beings to monitor their activity.

If I can find one of those,

I can reverse engineer it to reboot my device.

Aah!

Yeah.

I heard you fell down a crevasse.

Did you find your radio?

My radio is broken.

I'm trying to fix it.

Well, maybe I can help.

Is this it?

Don't touch that.

You need...

To leave.

At least you're okay.

If Asta wasn't there,

I would be dead.

Except now she knows the truth about me.

You told her?!

I thought this whole alien thing was just our secret.

It stopped being a secret

when you told your little friend over there

in the head covering.

She must have followed me. Don't worry.

She's not gonna tell anyone.

She swore to Allah.

Allah knows?!

How many people have you told?

Are you trying to cut me out?

'Cause if it wasn't for me, you'd be in Georgia by now.

I made this truce happen. I want in.

You are so pushy.

Looks like aliens

are also put off by strong women.

Get used to it. We're not going anywhere.

What are you hiding under there?

I covered it for a reason.

It's his radio so he can contact his people.

But it's broken. So he's trying to fix it.

Why can't you just go home on your spaceship?

They took it, didn't they?

How did you know that?

- Must be the government. - That means they're after you.

It could be any of the agencies.

But it's probably "Men in Black."

It's a top-secret agency

that monitors alien activity on Earth.

But they don't always wear black,

and they're not only men.

Then why do they call them "Men in Black"?

Because it's cooler than calling them.

"People in Clothes."

It's pretty obvious.

I'm not worried.

Once I fix my radio,