Dad Stop Embarrassing Me!

Good evening. I'm so happy to meet you.

I've read my notes on you two, and...

seems like you've been living together for a little while.

But guess what? I'm here to make sure that when you two lovebirds leave here today,

that you'll be singing in perfect harmony,

just like Whitney and Bobby!

Mmm.

Excuse me just a moment.

I know there's a little age cavern,

but don't be afraid of a little skin-on-skin contact.

Dad, I think she thinks we're dating each other.

Impossible.

Please, go on.

I think that the wedge between you two is coming from a deeper place, Mr. Dixon.

What are you talking about? He's my dad.

You know, calling somebody "Daddy"

can be part of a bigger sphere of intimacy, baby.

Well, I call this a bunch of bull.

And I call this already paid for.

Zip it.

Ew!

How did we get here?

My daughter... I don't know how to connect with her.

I've known you since high school, and I've known Sasha her whole life.

You know what you two need? Therapy.

- Man, come on. - No, I got the perfect person.

And I know what you're gonna say.

Black people don't go to therapy.

My name is Sasha Dixon, and I live in Atlanta, Georgia.

Sadly, after my mom passed,

I came to live with my dad, Brian Dixon, down here in the A.

He inherited his mom's cosmetics company, BAY Cosmetics,

which stands for "Beverly and Young."

It's a new life for me,

getting reacquainted with my Pops, my favorite aunty, Chels,

and my embarrassing Daddy.

I really miss my old life.

But, hey, learning to function in our dysfunctional home

has gotten me to a place that I never thought I'd end up: therapy.

So, tell me more about this living situation.

Is there anything can be done to make you feel more...

I don't know, comfortable?

Well, for starters, my dad makes me really uncomfortable

when he hangs around the thots.

Really?

Tell me more of your thoughts.

Not "thoughts," "thots."

The thots he's seeing.

I don't see my thoughts, I think my thoughts.

No, no, no. "Thots."

T-H-O-T. "Those hoes over there."

Oh.

I see.

This is an...

open relationship.

What?

Brian, would you care to...

tell me more about your thots?

I would love to.

- Oh, Brian! - Yeah.

I just love your beautiful home.

You know, I could just stay here forever.

Oh. You know, get your pretty feet off my chair.

You know, you can't stay here at all.

You know what? My daughter, she's coming to live with me.

There is nothing sexier than a single dad raising a child.

No?

No. When does she get here?

Oh, as a matter of fact, today.

You know... Look, I'm trying to create a stable household for her.

I can't have women running in and out of the house and things like that.

I got to get to the airport soon,

and I'm sure that you got somewhere you gotta be, right?

Right! I sure do.

Right here in this palatial palace.

Now come on. I need a full house tour.

Look, we can't go up there. I done left drawers all on the floor.

Great minds think alike.

But you work for me!

No, that's... Baby!

- What's in this room? - It's a bedroom, like any other room.

It's so beautiful!

Back in the day,

I would have tried to knock all the spice off of that jerk chicken.

But I gotta be responsible. She works for me, for God's sake!

- Your bed is so comfy. - Yeah.

Yeah, I could just sleep here all night long.

Please don't.

I just want to show you my appreciation for making me a BAY model.

Yeah, you know what? You could also show me appreciation,

you know those gift cards from Popeyes?

Them sandwiches is hard to come by.

Well, actually, I did get you a gift.

Something I think you'll really like.

"Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuter..."

What is this? Some jeggings?

No, silly! They're skinny jeans.

I think they'd look incredible on you.

They would?

Mmm-hmm.

- Ha, thank you. - No, thank you.

Now, come over here, zaddy.

There's one more way I want to show you how appreciative I am.

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

Saved by the bell.

Hey, uh, listen. I'm gonna go downstairs and check on the house,

make sure it ain't on fire, okay?

And hold these biker shorts.

I like to interject myself...

Excuse me, baby.

Let me get on in here.

I like to interject myself into the...

the process that I put my patients through,

and I call this "hands-on therapy."

Some people call it a "threesome," but...

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - What?

- What? - She's my daughter!

That's my dad!

Oh.

Well...

Let me blow these candles out, then.

Uh...

I totally got my chakras mixed up.

Misdiagnosed the aura in the room.

I kind of diagnosed that wrong.

- See? We can't even get this right. - We're supposed to do this.

- No... - You have to respect me...

This was your idea for coming into therapy. I didn't want to come here...

- Hey! Hey! - Black people don't go to therapy!

Listen. All I'm saying is that I'm trying to connect with my daughter.

Black people don't go to therapy...

I understand. Black people don't go to therapy.

We also don't mess over money.

But you're here, so let's try something.

I mean, how are you supposed to help us?

- All you know is sex. - Yeah.

Okay.

Well, as a father and daughter who are clearly not having sex with each other,

what is wrong with you? What's the problem with you two?

Pops! Pops, what are you doing?

It smells like a Snoop concert down here.

Why can't you be like every other father? Just get drunk and pass out.

I'm healing my body. This is medicinal.

Yep. I told Pops to chill now that Sasha's gonna be living with us.

Give me this!

We can't be smoking this stuff in front of the kids.

You guys should really chill it with the weed.

You brought it to us, dumbass!

It's not mine. I got it from the evidence locker.

If we smoke it all up, ain't gonna be no evidence left.

Besides, you know Sasha's already 15.

You think your daughter doesn't know what weed is?

It's 2019, for God's sake.

It's 2021, for God's sake.

Goddamn, that's some good shit.

Hey, Manny. Manny, what are you doing?

I'm just checking the smoke alarms, Mr. Brian.

They work.

Speaking of alarms,

I was supposed to respond to a home invasion, like, a half hour ago.

I'll be right back.

Y'all know Sasha's supposed to be here in three hours.

- Hello? - Sasha!

Damn! Those few hours just flew by.

Is it still 2021?

Come on.

My baby's home! Oh, so good to see you.

What are you doing here? You know you're supposed to land at 9:00.

My flight landed early. You'd know if you checked your texts.

My texts? Let me check my texts.

If I check the texts, if I...

Thirty-seven missed texts. I gotta clean this up.

You know what? You probably texting the landline.

Plus, I'm a grown-ass man. You gotta call me.

- Aunt Chelsea! - Hi!

Oh, my gosh! Look at you, growing up so fast.

You know, I texted you, too.

That was you?

I was like, "Whose damn number is this?"

But you kept calling, so I had to block you in case you was a bill collector.

Pops!

I'd hug you but I don't want to get a contact high.

See? She knows about weed.

Dad, I think I'm gonna go upstairs and crash.

"Upstairs and crash"?

Wait a minute!

You know what? These bags are so sturdy, and they slippery as hell.

Look, you know what?

Check to make sure the TSA didn't take something out your bag.

I gotta go clean up right quick.

Courtney, we got a code red.

What? What are you... Where are your clothes?

On the floor somewhere.

Why don't you put 'em on?

Okay, listen, a meeting just came up, so I gotta go.

I gotta get you out of here.

As a matter of fact, why don't you go out the window?

What?

Please just go out the window.

- Look, you like to play games, right? - Yeah.