Rick and Morty

You two are hungry.

-It's a big day. -We're gonna kill God.

-Come again? -Christian god is real.

He's been asleep for thousands of years,

We're gonna sneak up there and kill 'em.

Mob style. Just whack his ass.

-Can I kill God? -Fuck off, Summer.

-As if. -Beth, do you hear this?

Sweetie, don't get all worked up

before your job interview.

-Job interview? -Yes.

Is that so hard to believe?

Actually, yeah.

Something's off.

No!

Shit!

Hunt me!

Hunt me! Hunt me! Somebody hunt me!

Don't hunt him -to completion! -Hunt me!

Oh, shit. Um...

Everyone start packing. N-No time to explain.

Rick? Dad, what's wrong?

Someone just killed a decoy family.

I'm Mr. Always Wants To Be Hunted!

Yes, and how interesting did you think that would stay?!

You made clones of us?

Decoys, Morty. Very different.

-Very different, sweetie. -Different h-h-- Ow!

Yeah, Dad. Different h-how?

Lotta people out there want a piece of this, sweetie.

I'm cool, and it makes them feel bad.

So, y'know, after that trouble with Space Beth,

I made passable copies of the family

and placed them around the country

as a buffer zone to protect --

But why does he always -want to be hunted? -Jerry...

That's not important -right now, Dad. -Sure, guys.

Rick can make secret decoys of the family

and place them all around the country,

but fuck me if I have questions

about the Starfish Man in a target suit.

So thankful this is my Saturday.

Why was he in that cryo-pod?!

The cryopod is what confuses you?

Jerry, can't you see we've moved on to higher stakes?

Well, I don't see any stakes at all.

Ah, shit!

Guess we'll just be saying ciao bella

to our deposit, then --Shut up and pack, Jerry.

Squids just killed a decoy family. Decoy family?

Is this is why you wanted to get out of town?

You think I'd lie to you

about why we're on vacation, Morty?

I wouldn't lie to you.

Well, that's a lie. Huh...

So, someone out there is trying to kill us?

Someone's always trying to kill us --

That's what the decoys are for.

They go on fun, self-contained terrestrial adventures and...

take bullets meant for us.

Shit.

No!

Oh, shit.

Decoy family.

I think Dad was still outside.

Wh-Wh-What's a decoy family?

Hard concept, Morty. Hard concept.

I've never really cracked it, if I'm being honest.

Decided it was maybe better as a kind of kinetic mislead

-for another special episode! -Oh, cool.

We now return to "When Wolf."

Whoa. A time-traveling wolf?

-Count me in. -Yeah, I never thought of the where in werewolf

like who, what, when and where.

C-Clever wordplay!

When Wolf. Dracula.

You know why I'm here.

I'm safe here, Ian.

Christianity hasn't been invented yet --

Crosses are just baby T's to me now.

I got out.

Please, don't invite me back in.

Huh, kinda mucked it up with -this Dracula stuff. -You're right.

It shows a lack of faith in their core concept,

I'd much rather watch When Wolf go to the '20s

and invest in the stock market --

but then eat people. Yeah.

Look, if you really want to know

what happened to Beth's mom, it -- Whup.

Squid aliens just killed a decoy family.

Decoy family? You made more clones?

Clones are like 32% of all sci-fi, sweetie.

You don't get to own 'clones. Yes, I made some decoys.

They're exactly like us,

with a few tweaks and a backdoor shutdown.

Do you just get hard creating sentient life?

Actually, I get hard protecting my family. Ew.

-Gross. -Yeah, now everyone gets killer doppelgangers.

-Cool deal. -The decoys are harmless, Beth.

Grandpa Rick, do the decoys know they're decoys?

They wouldn't be very good decoys if they did, Sum Sum.

So they think they're us? That's the deal.

How do you know we're not decoys?

Oh, my God. We're decoys.

Oh, God. We might not be real.

W-We might be decoys! M-Morty, quick!

-Wh-Wh-What do I do? -My failsafe, Morty.

M-M-My final, secret failsafe.

I-It proves I'm real. You have to help me.

I-I-I'd never joke about this.

There's a barcode, Morty.

A-A barcode on the interior of my left ass cheek.

What? Morty, please, I'm begging you.

I'm not looking at your ass.

Please, Morty! Is it there?

God damn it! Just tell me if I'm real!

Morty, do it!

Gross!

Dad! Summer, you fucking idiot.

-We're not decoys. -Wh-Why did I get punished?!

A, decoys don't build decoys, and, B, you think

the mere suggestion I'm fake would break me?

-Christ, I'm not your mom. -Fuck off.

Jeez, these guys really wanna kill me bad.

Alright. Here's the plan.

We're gonna hide out with a decoy family,

and when these squids show up, we jump their asses.

Jerry! Come on! Family emergency.

A bigger emergency than my lemon squares not setting?

They're gluten free, sugar free,

and lemon free.

Think you got the wrong house, bro.

Analysis Mode. Password 8-0-0-8-5.

Kind of expected a funnier password.

I didn't plan on showing them off.

Damn. Like "Westworld."Yes, Morty, like "Westworld."

But don't fuck them. -S-Summer! -Whatever, creep.

I'm gonna see how accurate you got my room.

Rick, when you say you made an exact replica of the house,

d-did you mean like, y'know, a-a-an exact replica?

I know about the Yosemite t-shirt, Morty.

-Shit. -You know you can use tissues, right?

I can't finish without it.

So you do know what a happy family looks like.

I know what a fake one looks like.

Uh, Rick? What?

Did you use this house to make decoys, too?

What? Morty, why the fuck would I do that?

You think I'd go somewhere else to --

Okay. Well, I am now less worried about the squids.

Isolate head at normal processing.

What the fuck you think you're doing down there?

-You're making decoys? -Wait, how do you --

Oh, God. Summer was right.

Everyone in the car.

You said decoys didn't make decoys.

And, usually, they don't.

But again, it's nothing to worry about,

because decoys are harmless.

Just have to, y'know, visit the rest

-and terminate the program. -Terminate? They're alive, Dad.

And at some point, they won't be,

That's how existing works.

W-W-What, are you gonna save every stray cat?

No, but I can resist making more of them in a lab.

Gah, look! Save the empathy.

It's more termite infestation than "Blade Runner" --

I still think we're decoys.

You just want an excuse to stop trying.

Yeah. And?

Oooh. There's a handsome fellow.

Uh-oh.

I thought you made them harmless.

I don't remember making this one.

Oh, hi, Rick. Family, me?

Hey, when did you all leave?

Analysis Mode. 8-0-0-8-5.

Hmm? N-Nothing, buddy.

You-you gotta stop with all that coffee.

It's making you loopy.

H-Happy Analysis Mode.

Happy Analysis Mode to you, too!

Think you got the wrong house, bro.

Analysis Mode. Password 8-0-0 --

Shit! You think I'm a decoy?

How do you know about the decoys!

They were my idea!

Well, now I know you're pranking me.

Analysis Mode. Password 8-equal-sign

equal-sign-capital "D."

Hide.

What?! Hide!

Wow. Like -- Like "Ex Machina."

Yes, Morty, like "Ex Machina."

But don't fuck them. -Summer! Whatever, weirdo.

I'm gonna see how wrong you got my room.

So you do know what a loving family looks like.

A simulated one, yes.

-Why are we hiding? -He thinks he's me,

and I was about to start terminating decoys.