The Outside Story

Do you think I'm going to come running every time

he snaps his fingers like that little toy soldier of yours?

Yes, it does seem strange, that's sure.

But it's nice and solemn.

Well, I don't know about you, pal,

but I'd like to see Venus.

Open number three and hit the beat.

I'm gonna shoot some game. The larder's...

Beatrice, are you divine?

Oui, monsieur.

I'll just bet.

And as for them?

You'll have to track them down for me, won't you?

He sold wine too. Bad wine.

And the golden horses...

So, that's it?

You're just gonna lie there?

What should I be doing?

I don't know, Charles. If it's really over,

you should just get back out there.

What are you talking about? I am getting back out there.

You guys were so cute together. Can't there be some hope?

No, because we're not doing hope today.

All we're doing is packing her heavy-ass boxes,

her heavy-ass law books,

and her vinyl,

and so many clothes!

That's sad.

Thanks.

You're not gonna tell me what went down?

It's too long a story.

But I am moving her car for her to prove

I'm not such a monster and... Hey-o!

Oh, way too good to be true.

Hmm, could be laundry day.

So, you still just freelancing?

Or what's up with your documentary?

Nothing.

God. Can you hear that?

My upstairs neighbors are fighting again.

What's their deal?

I don't know. I mean, I think they got a kid?

You don't know if your upstairs neighbors have a kid?

Come on, dude, I think that's probably a sign

you need to get out of your apartment,

you know, for once.

Yeah, no.

I think I'm gonna stay inside and feel sorry for myself all day.

Plus, I have a deadline

and I'm waiting on UPS.

And, and...

I ordered food.

So, no.

So many excuses. You need to stop being such a shut-in.

Yeah, whatever.

What was that?

I guess it's an emergency at the hospital.

I should probably go.

You should, too.

Seriously, go get some air, dude.

Okay, duty calls.

Oh, yup. Me, too.

- Uh, I'll call you back. - Bye, Charl...

Yeah.

No.

- Hey! - Hey. Here you go.

Number eight, extra guac, horchata, 15 bucks.

Fif... It went up?

Yeah, man. Avocados. Yeah, blame the cartels.

Oh, cartels. Okay.

It's all I got, man.

What about the lady who lives here?

We broke up.

That's too bad. She used to tip.

I tip. I just... My heart's broken right now, man.

And I must've spaced when I was getting cash.

So, I'll make it up to you next time.

Well, what if it's not me next time? What if it's the other guy?

I'll tell him to hook you up.

He's gonna keep it, okay? He's a dick.

Excuse me. Please.

- Oh, sorry. Yes. Sorry. - Thank you.

Hey, look, I'm good for it, man. And I'm...

Yeah.

- I'll make it up to you, I... - Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, I'm... Seriously! - I don't make a living wage.

- How do you afford to live here, sir? - Wait. Just... Damn it.

Hey, uh...

It's Andre. Stiffing your delivery guy?

Not intentionally. Just the tip.

- Mm-hmm. - Good one.

My girlfriend and I, we broke up.

- So I, you know... - Isha left you?

She did, but it was more mutual. I asked her to leave,

- so, you know. - Oh. Shame.

She always signed for my packages and she seemed so fun.

Yeah, I get it. She was amazing.

Yeah, she was.

And she was very cute and, uh... Oh, well.

I gotta get these oysters on ice.

Oh, uh, hey, Andre?

What is your favorite Gardner St. James movie?

Oh, the funny one with the, uh...

- You Lousy Bandits. - Yeah, that's it.

- Why? Is he, uh... - No, no. Not yet.

- But that's a good one, though. - Mmm.

You Lousy Bandits.

Hey! Hey, man!

Hey! Hey!

Hey, man, look, hey! I got a tip!

Hey, come on. Dude!

I got a tip! Ha!

Boom.

- All right. - Okay.

Actually, can I get a dollar back?

It's 25% tip, man, for a delivery!

Come on.

- Enjoy your dollar. - Thank you. I will.

Appreciate it.

Yeah. Okay.

Just right upstairs.

Uh-huh.

He says you have a beautiful city.

It's lovely. It's our first time!

Oh, okay.

Ciao.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No, come on, man!

Come on.

Yeah, no. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Fine.

Hey, hey. You got Neil.

Hey, Neil, uh,

it's Charles, um...

I kinda did a stupid thing.

I... locked myself out of my apartment.

So, if you happen to have a set of spare keys that I...

hope, I hope I gave you,

can you please call me back and let me know?

Because I am locked out of my apartment.

I repeat, I'm locked out of my apartment.

Man down, call me back. Thank you.

Ugh, God, the video.

"Almost."

Smiley face?

Hey, leave a message for Tony.

And if you're calling for GoGo-Goji-Energy Juice,

that is, uh, no longer a thing.

Hey, Mr. Caravaggio.

This is Charles.

Hey, I'm in Apartment 2.

Look, I'm sorry to bother you, but, uh...

I locked myself out of my apartment by mistake.

Um, and I'm just wondering if you were in the neighborhood,

if you could come by and let me in?

This is Charles.

Yeah, I locked myself out.

Sucks.

Thank you.

- Yes? - Andre. Hey, uh, it's Charles.

- From two floors down? - Who?

Your fellow building inhabitant, Charles?

Isha's ex?

Look, I locked myself out.

I was wondering if I could come up to your apartment

and, um, climb out on your fire escape

and go down to see if my window is open?

Right now?

Yeah. I, uh, really need to get back in.

All right.

Thank... thank you.

Perfect.

What now?

Yeah, I have to be buzzed in, so if that...

Thank you.

Thank you so much, Andre.

I'm sorry to bother you.

And I hope that I'm not interrupting...

anything.

Hey, guys.

Hi.

Charles, this is Soren and Sylvia Thoren from Oslo.

Sor, Syl, this is Charles from, uh, downstairs.

Hi. I'm Sylvia's... I'm... I'm Charles.

I am Charles... I'm Charles.

- Yes, we're in a relationship. - Wow.

Like swingers?

If you wanna phrase it inelegantly, sure.

I'm sorry. That's right. That is my bad.

And you're locked out, Mr. Charles?

Yeah, I grabbed the wrong keys.

I grabbed my girlfriend's car keys, so...

- And where is she? - Uh, we broke up.

Um, so I'm just moving her car until...

- Hmm. - Um... I don't know what...

Would you like to have some wine with us?

And oyster? They're Beau Soleil.