HAPPY!

I don't wanna die.

Previously, on "Happy!"...

Ahh!

I serve at your pleasure, Mr. Bug.

They are important gifts for important people,

and I expect them to be bright and shining

under the tree Christmas morning.

Cal was taken from a Sonny Shine event.

And so was Hailey, I get it.

One of those kids is mine.

So, you're gonna make a call

and you're gonna deliver her to me,

midnight, tonight, your house.

- Where's Hailey? - Where's Mikey?

Anyone wanna guess what this is, then?

I let go of my finger and, well,

there goes the neighborhood,

including your precious password

and if you give two shits, your wife and kid.

Mikey is not in the trunk.

Ah, fuck.

Okay, kill him.

The only thing that still even believes in me

is my kid's imaginary friend.

Nick, I'm here!

Daddy!

About to say is very difficult,

and I'm only gonna say it once.

I believe in you,

'cause you and me, we've got a job to finish.

Jessica?

She really is intoxicating,

your mother.

Lovely voice, real talent.

She could've been really big.

I love hearing you sing.

It's time you stop protecting me.

But now it's time for me to protect you.

Mom?

Ma? Come on. Mom?

Sorry, McCarthy.

You want a ride in the van?

Left some takeout in the backseat overnight,

but we can crack a window if you want...

No thanks.

Just take her.

Got something I gotta do.

They are killing the shite out of that motherfucker.

Is that a table saw?

It very well could be, yeah.

Shit.

New plan.

Are you off your goddamn nut?

You think you're just gonna waltz on out of here

like some Piccadilly on parade?

I am waltzing on out of here because right now,

Nick Sax is bulletproof.

You waste me,

you waste the Missus,

and the booger-eating heir to the porcelain throne.

Now, which one of you dinks wants to drop that Yule log

on the boss's chest this fine Christmas Eve, hmm?

I'll drop that log, you motherfucker.

Please!

You lunatic, take me if you must, but...

I must, because, I don't know,

call me a stickler for tradition, but,

I just think on Christmas,

that families should be together.

Am I right, or am I right?

Oh, dear God!

We're literally about to die.

Shh.

Just keep smiling there, kitten,

and pucker up that sphincter.

'Cause Nick Sax shoots early and often.

I'm satisfied.

Now, wait a second.

Oh, a gentleman.

Get the hell off me!

All right, your Mister and I

have some unfinished business.

Any idea where he scurried off to?

What are you gonna do to him?

In my work, I take a jazz approach...

You know, strictly improv...

But assume that once I'm done,

he won't resemble your husband anymore.

339 Cherry Blossom Court.

His sister's house in Jersey.

The car knows the way.

Hmm.

Tell him I want a divorce.

Hmm.

Best Christmas ever.

That's right, baby, you eat.

I remember that time you snuck out

and stole the Benz...

You wanted to show up at the club and

impress the girls with a fancy car.

Wanted to be a big shot,

just like your brothers.

Wait, no, no, no, Mikey, no, no.

Ut det mihi cibum statim.

What did Blue do to you?

What did he do to you?

Blue.

Mikey.

Mikey!

Mikey!

- Good morning. - Oh!

Ooh...

Uh-oh.

Gotcha.

It's really you. Sonny Shine.

Shine... Sheinberg, Louis J.

Sonny Shine is for my fans of all ages around the world.

It's Christmas Eve, shouldn't you be out

jousting other parents

over the new Tickle Me Humperdonk?

I got mine months ago.

You'd have to be a fool not to see

how those were gonna fly.

My daughter, Hailey, is your biggest fan.

We once stood in line at 4:00 a.m.

to get tickets to your studio audience.

I think it was the happiest day of her life.

That tickles my heart.

Nothing means more to me than...

She was kidnapped

four days ago at your Wishtacular.

What a world.

What a world.

- My condolences. - She wasn't the only one.

Seven other children have gone missing

within the last two weeks.

Mm.

And what can I do for you?

There's a common thread to all the kidnappings.

All the children disappeared r...

Uh, around...

Hmm?

You,

your shows or appearances.

And you...

You thought you'd come here

and ruin Sonny Shine's Christmas by telling me this,

in person.

The police have been ineffectual.

Worthless, really.

But a man as visible, as prominent as yourself...

You could bring attention to this.

- Resources. - Resources.

You want money, right?

- Doesn't everybody? - I...

I want you to help shine a light.

Eww.

God, the letters I get

blaming me for little retard Sally's

piss-poor spelling test.

Blaming me for Billy's sissy boy lisp.

If I wanted to raise children,

I'd...

I don't, I don't know, I'd adopt some,

but I don't wanna raise your goddamn children.

I wanna entertain them!

Do you see the difference?

Dude.

I'm, I'm...

I've been blending Ghee

and MCT into my coffee,

so I'm totally lit as fuck.

Celebrity problems.

It's not easy, what I do.

Sometimes, I just need a release.

Your breathing, it's very shallow.

You know, it's totally normal,

being in close proximity to someone so famous.

Your heart beats faster, you get a little light-headed.

You know, when I was just a little kid,

all I wanted to do was sit on Dorothy's lap.

I totally get it.

I'd like to go now.

Oh? You just, you got here, just...

Please.

For you and...

Hai... it's Hailey.

Hailey, right?

If... no, no...

When she decides to come home.