Honesty Weekend

I love you. Oh, you know what?

I'm feeling kinda wild.

Let's stop here, let's stop.

Come on. Seriously?

Start unzipping your pants, I'm serious.

Oh my god. Wait,

I never realized this was somebody's driveway.

Where are we? Hurry up!

What if somebody's here?

They're gonna call the cops.

Oh my god.

That's all right, 'cause I'm bad girl.

Oh, you are bad, aren't you?

I'm just, we've never done this before, have we?

No, not in the van.

I am gonna eat you like a hoagie.

- If you would just position... - Honey, I gotta tell you something.

- What? What? - Honey I gotta say.

What?

Eat my hog you woman.

- Okay. - Come on, oh God.

You knew this whole time?

Honey, I think we're gonna be late.

No, no, we're fine.

Well, if we didn't have to go back to the car

to get the camera and the tripod,

we would have been perfectly on time.

- Say hello Dr. Digman. - Hello.

Okay, we're doing it.

Oh, that is John's grumpy therapy face.

I'm really sorry for her.

- I apologize. - We're doing this.

Okay, let's do this, okay.

Honey, honey, honey,

could you maybe be a little less weird

about getting into it?

I mean, the camera's kind of making it awkward.

Oh, I bet Delaney would do it, right?

We're gonna bring that up again.

Or maybe you want me to do it like the women in your porn.

Let me just unzip your pants

and making my boobs pop out.

Ada, I swear to God, if this becomes 50 minutes

of you beating me up about porn again, 50 minutes of that,

I'm gonna stop trying to do this deeply uncomfortable thing

that you insist on fucking video taping.

Well, you agreed to do it, so don't make it my agenda.

I...

Okay, John, why are you here?

Don't you dare say because I made you.

I'm asking John.

Because we weren't doing so great

and we're trying to make it better.

And what is not doing so great mean?

It's hard, more than it's not hard.

Why do you think that is?

'Cause we're pretty much not honest with each other

most of the time.

Wow, that's huge.

Do you really think that?

No, no, you know, I don't know why.

Oh my God, she's getting so big.

Yeah, she looks exactly like

that dude that's your neighbor.

Ah, haha, very funny.

- I don't get it. - Nice, thanks.

I don't know.

What do you mean?

John and I are doing this thing this weekend

where we're gonna be 100% honest

with each other about everything.

- What? - Doctor's orders.

What, are you serious?

Oh god, you know what, honey, can you just kill me now?

I'll pull over and you choke me out.

You started it so.

I don't lie.

I don't lie, if anything I'm too honest

- in this relationship. - Oh yeah, okay.

Yeah, you know what?

You hate the Jeep.

You said it was okay to buy the Jeep.

You pretend to love the Jeep but deep down you, you hate it.

- I hate the Jeep. - Why do you hate the Jeep?

I love the Jeep.

Because it's a a gas guzzler

and it's this like vain attempt for you to seem cool.

And you're cool, you're cool, you don't need it.

Oh, I'm cool, that's so mature.

- Instead of just- - John, John!

What's the last big lie you told Ada?

That I wanted to come to therapy.

Whoa, welcome to the shit show.

Hey, I heard that.

All right, oh, that was a long trip, wasn't it?

Yep, we would've been here eight minutes ago.

That's exactly what it says, if you'd listened to me,

we would have been here eight minutes ago.

Literally we could save eight minutes if you just go-

- Shut up. - Shut up, Harry.

- Stop talking. - Shut your mouth.

Jesus, this is your mom's weekend house dude?

- Nobody listens to me ever. - Oh yeah.

I might've smoked a little too much.

- Nate! - Back to nature, my friends.

Hey, back to the guest bathroom, you fucking animal.

That's my mother's asparagus fern come on.

Oh shit, ah, I got my hand.

- Gonna need a wipe. - Got it?

- Got it. - You guys got it?

- You take that. - Thanks buddy.

Hey babe, you got that?

- Okay. - Babe!

- Got that? - I got it, it's fine.

I'll just carry the heaviest thing.

I've only been driving.

I gotta tell ya, your mom must've pulled so much ass here.

Oh god.

I might've been conceived here.

What are you guys talking about?

I'm on a call, Luna, okay.

- Come say hi. - Hi, Luna.

- Say hi to Stella. - Hi Luna.

- Hi! - she's gorgeous.

- We're having a moment. - It's okay.

Oh!

Okay, love you.

- Bye. - Say bye.

- Bye. - Bye, love yah.

Yeah right, okay, perfect.

John hates me.

- No, girl, no. - He does.

We lie to each other all the time.

You know about stupid little things.

Like this morning she asked me

if I wanted blueberries in my oatmeal.

No, I don't want the fucking blueberries.

There's sour little disappointments in my warm,

happy sweet oatmeal.

And I am on my reserve tank of nice guy because I spent

a chunk of my night up holding Luna's little sweaty face

as she projectile vomited into the toilet.

- I was up the same as you. - I know, I know.

I love you, I just can't, I swear.

Go away mom.

Said you were gonna cut back

and I found three Amazon boxes cut up like

into little pieces at the bottom of our recycling bin,

like a serial killer leaving a body.

You want to know the truth?

I put most of the Amazon boxes in the neighbor's trash.

Oh, that's really, that's mature.

Are you hearing, oh my god, are you hearing this?

John, Ada a big part of your marriage

is speaking up clearly in this room today

on the subject of lying.

Habitual lying, even if it's withholding truth

to save feelings erodes trust.

I'd like you two to try being honest with each other.

If you don't want blueberries, say it.

If you wanna order a yoga mat online, say it.

But say it kindly.

A weekend is a great reset.

Try going two days with no lies.

This weekend, we have plans this weekend,

can we do it next weekend?

Yeah or never.

I'm worried about us.

Yeah, I'm worried about us too.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no-

- What? - No, no.

- What? - You can't, no.

I've been dragging you to therapy for six months

and you haven't said a word

and then this afternoon

you decide you're gonna say something

and then now we're all do this whole honesty,

stupid truth thing and it's like you know what, hello,

I've been saying that we have a problem for a long time

and now that you the man decide that there is a problem,

then there is one?

No, no, no, I'm not gonna let you take this over.

I'm not taking it over.

We're on the same page finally.

I'd think you'd be happy about that.

- I'm not. - Clearly.

I just wanted this whole therapy thing

to be about you discovering how much you appreciate me.

Oh, okay, it sounds like you wanted therapy

to be him telling me that I was the problem.

Well, guess what Ada, I'm not the problem.

We are the problem not me

and you can't stand that, can you?

You are a workaholic who is only half in this marriage

and that is the problem John.

Oh, okay, that's the problem?

Well, how about this?

You are a perpetually unsatisfied

documentary filmmaker/whatever the fuck

who I can never seem to satisfy.