The Boonies

Cloyd: You should've s-seen him.

He was so... s-s-scared.

I-I like this one...

Woman: Alright. Alright.

Let's have a look at him.

Can you turn that down?

Aw, come on, man. You love this stuff.

I love folk.

That is not folk.

Hey. I was into that.

So sorry.

Hey, there, Sleeping Beauty.

Good morning, beautiful. How'd you sleep?

Aaron: Shitty.

I got to piss.

Okay. Well, no worries.

We're about to pull over right up here for some barbecue.

We've been passing signs for the last half hour.

Whoo-whoo!

Oh, yeah.

We've been seeing signs all morning.

Barbecue?

Meat?

Way out here?

Mmm.

Oh, yeah.

Smell that? That smells good.

Do you think a health inspector has ever been out here before?

Shut up, Aaron.

Hey, look, guys.

Some of the best food you're ever gonna eat

is in the boonies like this.

Yeah. Cool, Marcus.

I can't think of a better way to start a weekend of camping

than shitting my guts out.

Oh, yeah, and I get to wipe my ass with leaves.

Enough.

Jesus, he's on fire already.

Yeah, tell me about it.

You boys just find yourselves a seat,

and we'll be with you in a second.

Thank you very much.

I'm gonna go ahead and guess

there aren't any, uh, vegetarian options.

Onion rings, Aaron.

Just get the onion rings.

Deep-fried.

Will: Can you not be an asshole right now?

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. -Please?

-Asshole? -Yeah. -Moi?

Yeah. You know what you're doing.

You do this every time I invite you out anywhere.

Seriously, man, I'm trying to be nice.

Marcus: Anything good on that menu?

How about now?

Oh, yeah.

The brisket's good.

Ouch.

Okay.

Anyway, I'm Marcus.

I'm here with some friends, doing a little camping.

You from around here?

Nope. Just passing through.

I feel you.

Actually, that's just part --

Hailey!

What in the hell's going on here?

Can we help you?

Can you help me?

Oh, I'm sorry. I-I didn't know she was...

Well, you didn't really ask, now, did you?

Jeremy, it's fine. Stop.

No, Hailey, it's not fine.

Hey, uh, I'm not trying to start nothing.

Oh, you ain't trying to start nothing, huh?

Well, it's a little late for that.

Jeremy, stop!

Don't touch me.

Will: Hey, what's going on over here, guys?

Oh, nothing. This guy's just being an aggro-redneck asshole.

Oh, is that right?

And what are you gonna do about it, boy?

Back up off me.

Jeremy!

You piece of shit!

Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

-Son of a bitch! -Come on.

Hailey: Just get the hell out of here.

Will: Alright, guys. Come on. Take it easy.

-Out! -What?

Marcus: But they started it.

I don't give a shit. Get out of here!

Alright. Come on, now.

-God damn it, dude! -We're leaving.

Hailey: Go. Now.

Let's go.

-Holy shit! -What the fuck was that?

Woman: Oh, my God. It's an animal.

Wait. What are you...?

Aww.

Poor thing.

Ah, it was just a bird.

I mean, the stupid thing probably just flew

into the window, anyway.

I don't know why you're so concerned about it.

We should bury it.

I'm not gonna take 30 minutes in the woods.

Look at the poor thing.

I mean, I would rather just get in the car, honestly.

Come on.

You want to bury a bird?

Aww, look at it.

It's our fault. It was our window.

But it flew into the window.

I mean, it's not really our fault.

It deserves a burial.

Right here? In the middle of the woods?

It'll take you five minutes.

That's five minut--

Marcus: That girl had a good hook.

Yeah, I'll say.

Oh, great food recommendation, guys.

Oh, and thank you, Marcus.

That was quite a show you put on back there.

Ha! Fuck you, too.

Are we almost there yet?

Yeah. Almost.

The trail is, like, 10 minutes up the road, man.

You know, I still can't believe that we actually agreed to spend

the entire weekend out here, in the middle of nowhere.

My God, you two.

You say "nowhere" like it's a bad thing.

You know what?

I think this is gonna be good for the both of you.

Yeah. Wide open spaces, some fresh...

air, surrounded by nature.

Will: Oh, what, Aaron.

What were you gonna be doing this weekend, anyway?

Sitting at the bar, and hoping someone slides into your DMs?

Whatever, man. At least there's plumbing.

Hey, plumbing's a plus.

Marcus, my friend, indoor plumbing is overrated.

And it's 2019.

You know, if you can't piss outside, I don't know --

Whoa.

Take a look at those guys...

Right there.

Whoof.

Can you even imagine where your life must've led you

to end up like one of those guys,

on the side of this road?

God.Yeah. I can.

They probably live out here.

Lucky guys.

Where did you guys get so cool, huh?

What makes you so cool?

Your stupid phones?

Yeah, well, I mean...

I do have access to more information

than any human in history.

Well...did, anyway.

But I guess it's not a big deal.

Yeah?

Well, does your phone change a tire, Aaron?

What?'Cause I'm sure that you can't.

And you know what?Here we go.

I bet a lot of people out here can.

Yeah. These people are honest and hard-working.

You know, intelligence comes in many shapes and --

Whatever, man.

These people just give me the creeps, all right?

Alright. Look, can we at least agree

that we're gonna have a good time this weekend, guys?

Hmm?

Good. Great.

I'm so glad that we can agree on that.

Jeremy: Damn it, girl!

What'd I say about slamming that?

Why do you always have to act like that, huh?

Like what?Like what?

At the restaurant, moron.Moron?

I had to punch that fella 'cause of you.

'Cause of me?

I didn't make you punch anyone, Hailey.

That was all you.Bullshit!

You know if I hadn't done that,

you would've started a brawl with them.

That guy was coming on to you, and you know it.

Oh. I was ignoring it, Jeremy!

Oh, you was ignoring it, huh?Yes!

You was ignoring it, Hailey? You know what, that's it.

I'm not doing this with you.

I'mma go into town, and pick up supplies for tomorrow.

Fine.