South Park

The Tegridy Farms Halloween Special!

T he Tegridy farms Halloween Special, brought to you by...

Tegridy Weed.

It's the most wonderful time of the year,

Well? You all excited, gang?

For Halloween? I guess so.

This isn't just any Halloween,

because this week, Tegridy Weed is doing a Halloween Special.

It's a big promotional thing.

Everyone's gonna love it.

Hey, where's Shelly?

Shelly hasn't come out of her room in two days.

Why?

You know why, Randy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, Shelly. Can I talk to you for a minute?

What do you want?

Come on, kiddo.

Come talk with your old man, huh?

Come on, punk.

Shelly, we need to talk about your marijuana problem.

You know, what's your problem with it?

I hate marijuana.

Yes, we all know! But why?

It stinks, and it makes everyone in this town

dumber than they already are.

Shelly, the truth is, some of the most important

people in the world smoke weed.

Did you know that Snoop Dogg smokes weed?

Yes. Everyone knows Snoop Dogg is a stupid pot head.

Way more people enjoy marijuana than you think, okay?

Okay, who's your idol?

Who do you most look up to in the whole world?

Serena Williams.

Total stoner.

High as a kite every tennis match.

No she's NOT! RANDY

You don't know that, Shelly.

Now you're just making assumptions.

Everyone in this country is getting dumber,

and I wish marijuana was illegal again!

Shelly!

Okay, look, the thing is,

this problem you're having with marijuana ‐

it's just got to stop, okay.

We're working on our Tegridy Farms Halloween Special, okay?

Nobody wants a giant bummer ruining it.

I love you.

Whoa. Very impressive.

Indeed.

Find anything good, Butters?

One minute, dad. Archaeologist Butters just needs

to get his stamp and sticker for his artifact book.

Ha ha! Another rare find.

Well, did you all enjoy the museum, gang?

Wait. Wait. We can't leave yet.

I got all the stickers and stamps except for one.

Well, I'm pretty sure we saw the whole exhibit.

Can I just check around one more time?

Alright, Archaeologist Butters.

But then meet us back right here.

Okay!

What you are seeing here are original knots

which were joining the main pieces of the kufu boat.

The cedar timbers of the boat's hull

were lashed together with hemp rope

in a technique used until the‐

Whoa. Whoa. Wait just one second.

Are you actually saying that hemp,

a classification of cannabis,

was actually used by the ancient Egyptians?

Well, yes. In fact, it's been found

that cannabis was used by Egyptians

for its medical properties, as well.

Hold the freaking phone.

You're telling us that marijuana has been used

throughout the centuries...

Is this why you brought me here?

No, I... I'm just‐ I'm surprised that...

You said you wanted a special day with just your daughter.

You said a father‐daughter day at the museum

could help us connect.

And it is, Shelly. We're having a great time.

I don't care if Egyptians used stupid pot!

She has a marijuana problem.

Shelly!

Been there. Saw that.

Where's that stupid last sticker‐stamp?

What's this?

Whoa.

Sarcophagus and mummified remains of Egyptian royalty.

This is it! My last sticker!

That's the mummy of Took‐Tan‐ra.

You don't want to put that stamp in your sticka book.

Nobody puts that stamp in their sticka book.

But this is my last one.

It's got a curse on it...

ancient love curse not fit for any child.

You can look at the mummy all you like,

but you don't want that stamp in ya sticka book.

That's okay.

I'm no ordinary child.

I am Archaeologist Butters.

Happy Halloween, mister!

Yeah, for some of us, maybe.

It's just so hard being a parent sometimes, you know?

I've tried everything to get through to my daughter.

I took her to a laser show.

I played her all of "Dark Side of the Moon."

But it's like... It's like there's something in her head

that just doesn't get it.

That's rough, Randy. I'm sorry.

I just ‐ I have to live my life, you know?

I can't let her problems with marijuana drag me down anymore.

No, you're right. You're totally right.

So, anyway, hey, how's the Halloween Special coming along?

The Halloween Special? Oh, it's ready.

It's ready?

Yeah. It's right over here.

Oh, wow! The Halloween Special!

I'm so excited to try it!

Yeah, it's basically a hybrid

of our Tegridy Gold and Colorado Kush.

Turned out really great, I think.

Oh, wow. That is nice.

I'd like to see anyone compete with this Halloween Special.

Mom?

Dad?

What?

Oh.

Okay. Oh.

Okay.

That's okay. Yeah, that's okay.

There you go.

For‐ For me?

Oh. Thank you.

Oh, wow! A Fitbit!

Well, thank you. Thank you.

I... I actually already have a Fitbit,

but I could give this one to a friend!

I just... I have one, so...

Furniture polish, paint thinner, and bleach.

Ammonia and antifreeze, one tablespoon each.

I hate everybody.

I just like to read.

Everyone's stupid. They smoke too much weed.

So, with this eldrich potion, and these ancient words,

I make my revenge upon all the turds.

Butters Scotch?

Yes, sir.

We want to ask you some questions

about what happened in town last night.

What happened in town?

People were attacked by an ancient Egyptian mummy.

It killed five people, and destroyed everything it could.

Oh. A mummy, huh?

That's... That's weird.

Oh, you just think that's weird?

Because The mummy says you two got in some kind

of altercation last night.

What? The mummy talked to you?

Is it true, sir, that you and the mummy...

"got into an argument over a gift

which you didn't seem to appreciate"?

There was no argument.

I just said I already had it, and I'd give it to a friend.

A present that the mummy got for you?

- I just... - You can see

how that could be pretty hurtful?

Did you throw the mummy out of your house?

No! I didn't throw the mummy out of the house!

The mummy got all pissed off at me, and left!

You're gonna have to share in the damages, here, son.

But I didn't do anything wrong!

Okay look, officers. I think...

I'm under some kind of curse.

Well, that's what the mummy told us about you.

You've got a summons to appear in court.

Until then, I just suggest you and the mummy

stay away from each other.

Oh, man. I really like it.

Yeah. It's smooth.

It's really smooth.

This is so good that we should stop smoking it right now.

We don't want to ruin our Halloween experience, you know?

This is seriously gonna be the best Halloween ever.

Shelly!