Buried Alive

- Hey, Rene. - Zane?

- How's my favorite cousin? - What are you doing in here?

- I wanted to talk. - About what?

About us.

You know, there's something special between us.

- A connection. - I know.

- You think you can change the past? - Of course not, silly.

No.

- And that's a problem for us. - Why?

Because something's past doesn't mean that it's finished.

Zane, please stop sounding like a fortune cookie, OK?

I'm sorry, Cuz.

- I only want what's best for you. - I believe you.

Mm.

That faith may get tested.

Well, I'm good with tests. What do you got?

Well, it's simple. Just tell me you believe me.

OK.

And give me a kiss.

- I shouldn't. - It's just between us. Us and no one else.

OK.

Jesus, Rene! I'm trying to help you. What happened?

- I saw this... - What?

- Was Zane here? - While you were in the tub?

What do you think?

No?

Good guess. What makes you think he was here?

- We were talking. It seemed real. - I guess it wasn't a happy conversation.

No. It was OK until the end. I guess it was just a dream.

- Bravo, Sherlock. - That's it.

I just fell asleep, I slid under, I started screaming, called out.

That's what happened. Stupid. It's fine.

That's why you get As - 'cause you figuring out really hard stuff like that.

- Yeah. And I study. - Oh, I study.

Beer labels.

- It's what I'm good at. - Yes, you are.

Now, who is the smartest girl that you know?

- Um, Susan Dunleavy? - Are you sure about that?

Baby, she passed the test to be a trainer the first time she took it.

Well, buddy, you might wanna rethink your position.

Why? Hah!

- You are the smartest person in the world. - Hmm.

Maybe not in the world. But definitely in this bathroom.

- All right, what did you find out? - Wait a second. Ahchoo.

- What the hell is that? - It's just a minor compulsion,

but I'm handling it better now.

Yes. Are there going to be mold spores where we're going?

I don't know. Can we get on task now?

OK. So you know about your great-grandfather discovering gold

- and building the Blanca Canyon house? - That's where we're going.

Did you know he had the richest strike in the territory?

No. Did he do anything with it?

You know, build towns, invest in stocks, buy railroads, anything like that.

Not that I found.

- Would you like some cupcake? - No, thank you. Go on.

I found nothing about deeds or investments.

The gold had to go somewhere.

He takes it out of a mine, he doesn't get it turned into cash. So, what's he do with it?

There were some rumors about him, you know.

Like what?

People thought he murdered his first wife and buried lots of gold with her body.

Hmm.

Didn't say where, by chance?

No.

Let's see... Second wife shows up, mail-order bride from South Dakota.

- Find out anything about a fire? - Yeah.

It was 16 years after he married wife number two

that the house burned down, and everybody inside got chopped up.

- Not everybody- - Right- One boy got away-

My grandfather. Anybody get arrested for that?

Um, no. There wasn't even suspects.

- Do you have bugs or something, man? - What? No.

Oh, this just helps keep me focused. And sanitized.

So, this rich old prospector probably didn't believe in banks.

He's got a mountain full of gold. You said this was the richest strike in the territory?

Oh, even for the time, he was worth millions.

Where the fuck did it go?

Don't you know about your family's history?

- Yeah, we're cursed. - What?

- Anything else? - Um...

No.

Thanks again for taking me on the road trip.

- I don't go on too many. - Find that hard to believe.

Oh, um, Zane? Do you feel bad about getting kicked out of school?

No. Academic probation, Phil.

Probation. I didn't get kicked out, all right?

Don't mention that to Rene. I'll tell her when the time is right.

- OK. I heard kicked out. - That's the last we'll have to say about it.

OK, Zane. Hey, that's a cool ring. What is it, is it?

It's gold. Gold.

I knew it. I knew it.

I knew the gold was here.

And I'm gonna find it all.

And I'm gonna buy this whole fuckin' territory.

Look at you. (spits)

Who's there?

You fuck with Lester, you're gonna be in a passel of trouble.

Oh, yeah.

Beautiful.

Come on, Lester. You keep your shit together now.

You're gonna be rich.

You're gonna be rich.

Hey, do me a favor. Go in the glove compartment, hit the yellow button.

Hey, Danny. She making you crazy yet, man?

- Almost every day. - (Zane) Here. Hit it.

What up?

- Have you been a good boy or a bad boy? - Good boy, of course.

Something tells me bad boy. Don't lie to me, Zane, about anything, ever.

- And what brought this on? - I had this dream.

- And I lied to you in it? - I don't know. It got really weird.

OK, so you're yelling at me for something that I didn't do to you in your dreams.

And they think I need meds. You're crazy, Cuz.

- Have you been taking those meds? - Every day.

Cross your heart, hope to die?

What else happened in this dream?

You talked about us being together forever.

- And what did you say? - They're dreams.

- You can't believe in dreams. - You can if you choose to.

Hey, you wore it.

It's my family heirloom. It's appropriate, considering where we're going.

Well, I'm glad you like it.

Someone special gave it to me.

Hey, Phil. This is Rene and Danny.

This is the man who got me through the most boring class on campus.

- Almost. Almost. - What?

- Where are you picking up your pledges? - In front of the sorority house.

- Then we're off. - What did you mean, "almost"?

Don't stay in the car. Turn off your computer, let's go.

It's just gonna take a second.

Come on.

- Kind of crowded. We gotta find your two. - They'll stand out.

- (Phil) Maybe we should lock the doors. - It's a convertible.

That is awesome! It's humiliating!

I think the spark of sadism definitely has your fingerprints on it, Cuz.

Got milk?

- Hi, Rene. - Hi, Rene.

I need to hear it with spirit this time, and don't forget to smile.

# I would bow-wow for Omega Tau

# I'd be a cow for Omega Tau

So, where exactly are we going?

To a haunted house in the middle of the desert.

For real?

All you two need to know is that, wherever we go, you're my servants, my slaves.

- I like the sound of that! - My slaves. No one else's.

What exactly does this initiation consist of?

- Whatever comes to mind. - And what a mind she has.

- I'd be afraid, girls. - She's really good at mental cruelty.

But she's not above a little physical abuse, either.

You like to get spanked, Danny?

Do you like to get punched, Phil?

It's nice getting to know each other like this.

And we will all during the trip. But I think I want some entertainment.

- Cow, amuse us. - How?

Tell us where is the most uncomfortable place you've ever had sex.

- On a staircase. - All right.

- Dog. - Horse.

No, you're a dog, not a horse.

Oh.

- Very interesting. - Come on, guys. Let's hit the road.

Get going. Come on.

Hi.

Forgot my iPod. May I go get it, please?

Gallop.

- Hey, Phil. What about you? - What?

Where was the most uncomfortable place for you?

- Phil. - What?

She's talking about having sex, like, with another person.

- Ha-ha. Very funny. - Well?

- Garage. - Listen to this. Phil!

Getting down and dirty with the 10 weight-30.

- You are such a poet. - Maybe I'm full of culture.

Is that what you're full of? Thought it was something else.

- (sound of blade slicing) - Shit.

Mwah. Hey, Zane.

Zane. Zane?

- Yes, Rene? - There's a question awaiting your reply.

Hmm.

- Bank vault. - Did you get free checking, too?

- Yes, I did. - No surprise. Banks like you.

They tolerate me. They like my money.

- Your money? - Mine when I graduate.

Bank shouldn't worry, because I don't see that happening any time soon.

- Soon enough, Rene. - Was it, like, on top of a pile of cash?

Well, actually, Julie, yeah.

- It was. - Got it.

- Anyone want a beer? - Yes.

Or Cheesy Poufs. I have some. And pre-moistened towelettes for your fingers.

- Do you even drink beer, Phil? - Sure. Sure.

Yeah, just keep them down until we get on the road, all right? This too.

- What is it? - The X factor.

- Cool. Could you give me one, please? - (Rene) No.

Omega Tau women must be resourceful.

- I could be nice to you. - All right, give her one.

Danny, I can be even nicer.

Think I need to spend more time around your sorority house.

No.

Danny, let me get those.

If you can loosen your grip on that laptop, you may find this worth looking into.

- What is it? - Something to make you happy to be here.

But I'm already I'm happy I'm here, here.