American Dad!

I love when our moms have book club.

They talk books, and we have...

- weeknight sleepovers! - Weeknight sleepovers!

Two best friends, just doing their thang,

making collages or whatnot.

While my mom gets too drunk to drive me home.

Treasure Island! What'd you think?

So good! How crazy was Gonzo's story arc?!

- Gonzo? - Yeah!

When they pulled him down from the sail

and his fuzzy blue arms got all stretched out

and he snapped back like a window blind!

Dut-dut-dut-dut-dut-dut-dut. That's good writing.

Francine, did you watch Muppet Treasure Island<

instead of reading the book?

Yes. But it's basically the same thing.

There's no Muppets in the book!

That sounds boring.

Steve, I don't want to bore you with the math.

Oh, by all means, do.

These biweekly book club meetings

account for almost 40% of our friendship.

Snot, you've confirmed what I've always suspected.

Weeknight sleepovers are the cornerstone of our friendship.

The fact our moms are friends

makes us the luckiest boys in the universe.

Do you like the way I drew the letters?

They look like they came out of a magazine, right?

You're out of your mind if you think Gonzo's a dog.

He's blue.

He woofed when he saw the treasure!

Sometimes I think we don't have anything in common.

Are we just pretending to get along

because our sons are friends?

I think so.

Maybe we can... stop?

Let's never hang out again!

Steve!

We have an exciting announcement.

Snot's Mom and I have decided to stop pretending to be friends.

Pretending?

Yep! Book club is canceled forever.

A 40% decrease in friendship?

Good morning, U.S.A.

I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day

The sun in the sky has a smile on his face

And he's shinin' a salute to the American race

Oh, boy, it's swell to say

- Good... - Good morning, U.S.A.

Good morning, U.S.A.

Please, you have to stay friends!

Think of the children!

No one's saying you two can't be friends.

Why does it matter if we are?

Well, I don't want to bore you with the math, Mrs. Smith...

Please, don't.

Listen, maybe you just need to clear the air.

Why don't we talk about what bothers you about each other?

I'll start.

She's never seen Muppet Treasure Island,

which is a big problem for me.

Book club is just an excuse for you to get shithosed!

You brought your own bartender!

Paul Gary's the name, mixologist is the game!

I've got Aperol Spritzes. Boiling hot Aperol Spritzes!

He's not even a good bartender!

Aperol Spritzers are served cold!

What are you, the Aperol Spritzers police?!

I'm sorry, I'm defensive because you're right.

I'm a terrible mixologist!

Let's go, Steve.

Our friendship will survive this, right?

I'll need to crunch the numbers.

If Paul Gary isn't a mixologist, then who is he?

This is the beginning...

beginning of a deeply personal journey.

This is... Get over yourselves!

...my story.

Cheer up, Steve.

We can still be friends even if our moms aren't.

Your moms aren't friends anymore? Well, I'm out.

I am not gonna watch your friendship fall apart.

What are you talking about?

Your moms being friends is the glue

holding the two of you together.

It's like on the show Friends.

Remember how their friendship was held together

by a deep mutual love

of being paid a million dollars an episode?

That's your moms.

That's... That's crazy.

Toshi, tell him.

Toshi? Toshi! Say something!

I speak fluent English and have the whole time.

Hey, guys, are your moms friends?

Was The Poisonwood Bible< written by Barbara Kingsolver?

We're not losing Barry and Toshi.

How do we fix this?

May I suggest drugging the moms?

Are you the bartender from my mom's house?

Sort of. You see,

I'm on a deeply personal journey to find out who I am.

Okay.

Paul Gary isn't a mixologist,

so I enrolled at Pearl Bailey to use the chemistry lab.

Because I am now... A. Paul Gary,

drug mixologist.

I mix illegal narcotics together to see what they do.

And recently, I came across something interesting.

I was working in my lab late one night,

when my eyes beheld an eerie sight.

That's "Monster Mash," right? You're doing "Monster Mash"?

Never heard of it. Anyway, I was working in the lab

late one night...

When my eyes beheld an eerie sight

I had acid on a tab, weed in a bag

A splash of ether on a rag

- He did the mash - He did the mash

I did the narcotics mash

- Narcotics mash - Narcotics mash

It was a coked-out bash

This is "Monster Mash"!

I don't know that song!

I don't know any songs!

All I do know is your moms are MILDs...

Mothers I'd Like to Drug.

And the mash I discovered in my lab works as a love drug.

Drugs can make people fall in love?

Drugs can do almost anything

once you realize they're super good for you.

Anyway, I'm proposing we dose your moms with the love drug

and make them fall back in love!

And it will work?

Steve, are you actually thinking about doing this?

- What other options do we have? - I don't know!

We only brainstormed for like two seconds

before we started talking to this guy.

Snot's in! Love that enthusiasm!

I'll mix up the drugs, and you two trick your moms

- into meeting up! - They did the mash

Scary song!

I can't believe the Impractical Jokers<

are doing a meet-and-greet in Langley Falls!

Yeah, well, it's true.

Steve, you seem nervous.

Wait, are you worried the Jokers are gonna joke you?

Don't flatter yourself.

No one's putting a hot dog in your pocket.

Now, remember, Snot, when we meet the Jokers,

you're my nephew.

Francine.

Shove! Drugs!

- What is this? - Don't leave me in here...

Congrats on a perfectly executed drugging, boys.

To the 33rd floor!

I really hope this works.

Did you even notice that I basically teleported us up here?

I was impressed.

Thank you, Snot's Mom's kid.

Now, by the time these doors open,

your moms will be fast friends,

unless the dose is too strong.

Are you two prepared to see your moms hooking up?

I'm not saying it's what I want to see,

but I won't be disappointed.

Well, I hope you two...

What is happening?! They're worse than before!

This might not be a love drug.

Yeah, this is meth. I made meth.

Welp, when in Rome...

Well, this is surprising.

So to get us to be friends, you drugged us?!

I don't want you seeing Snot anymore.

He's a terrible influence on you!

- What?! - No way!

I forbid Snot from seeing Steve!

He's the one who started calling him Snot,

and now everyone says it!

No, mom! Please, it was my fault.

It's my fault! Don't do this!

But it's really my fault.

I'm a terrible drug mixologist.

Will A. Paul Gary ever know who he's supposed to be?

My story continues.

Well, I'm off. Goodbye, Father.

Goodbye, Sister. Goodbye, fish.

Damn, he left out Mother.

Don't try to sneak around with Snot at school.

I will find out.

We're finally getting rid of Snot?

Good. That kid is the worst.

- Stan, you love Snot. - I do?

Yeah, I think your Memento< style amnesia

is acting up.

You need to check your tattoos.

Interesting.

Concerning.

Oh, yeah! Why are we getting rid of Snot? He's the best!

Because Mom can't put her son ahead of her selfish wants.

That's how it started.