Friends from College

- No, wait. Okay. - Alright, I got it.

-Yeah, okay. -You know what?

-Put me back down. -What?

-Put me down. -Why?

Because I don't like it when you grimace. Can you see how that's insulting?

No, I'm grimacing from pleasure.

You don't make that face when we're in bed. Put me down.

-I'm trying to get some purchase. -Put me down.

-Okay. I promise, I'm sorry. -Okay.

-Alright. -Okay, there we go.

That's harder, that's a bad angle.

Oh, no! Jesus.

Oh, my God, I'm sorry. What happened?

It's okay. You kneed me in the vagina, just a little bit.

-I kneed you? I'm sorry. -Just a little bit.

-Go get a condom. -Okay.

-Shit. -Dude! Get in here!

-Alrighty. Guess what... -Yeah, come here.

I am out, so we can skip just this once.

No, we can't.

You have been trying that line on me for two decades,

literally since freshman year.

-Yeah, because it works. -No, it's never worked once.

Okay, what are the chances that you...

Let me put it... You're not menopaused are you?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

People menopause at different times, you could easily be menopaused.

Can you stop saying "menopaused". I'm not a DVD player.

-It should be menostopped, not menopaused. -It's not either, it's not a verb.

It's just that we find ourselves in a very tricky situation here.

If only... three to five dollars could solve it.

- My turn! - I don't care.

My turn! Give it to me... now!

-My turn! -No, it's not.

I said it's my turn, you cunt!

Holy shit.

- Mine! -Dash, this language is...

Okay, here we are, ta-da, penis covers.

I have to fly home to New York, I'm going standby.

-No. What happened? -It's not a big deal, but I have to go.

We've got some shit to talk about. There's something I really need to tell you.

Are you in love with me? Are you leaving your wife? Should I leave Jon?

I'm sorry, I'm just really stressed about Dash.

-Is he okay? -Yeah, he's fine.

But his school wants me there.

How about if we talk about that

when I'm back in Chicago for work on the 14th?

Or we could talk about it in the beginning of September

when I'm in New York for the rest of my life because Lisa and I are moving there.

What?

Why?

For a decade, I've been dragging Lisa around for teaching jobs

and she was ready to come back home.

So, reunion, right? The friend group is back!

Yes!

Well...

this is over.

Yes. I was going to say that. I think that that's best, so...

So where are we now?

Is everything from the waist down just a swamp for you over there?

Yes.

I feel like I'm wearing more clothes than a man should wear.

Let's get out of here. What is happening?

Are we waiting for this truck to unload?

Who taught you how to drive? You stupid motherfucker!

Do not make eye contact.

-I'm begging you not to... -Don't talk to my husband like that.

-Come and say that to my face! - Don't come here.

Fuck you!

I am an attorney, sir! Watch your fucking mouth!

-Fuck you! - Fuck you!

-Oh, fuck you! Fuck you back, you moron! - Honey, you got him.

Can we just... Honey, please.

I'm sorry, sir. I apologize.

Fuck you, too! Drive, you jackass!

Thank you for your service.

- He's just a fucking cab driver. -What? I know.

It's not even our fault, there's a fucking car...

-I know. What's going on with you? -I'm fine.

I think I'm just anxious to see everybody. I'm just...

You know, whenever we get together, it gets so competitive and immature.

What? With our friends?

Why would that happen? They're only our best friends. What can possibly go wrong?

We've got 20 years of grievances built up and ready to explode.

Now this guy's pulling out. Look at this character!

- Marianne! -Finally!

We're here!

We're here!

You remember my partner, Felix?

- Hello. - Nice to see you.

Is this how we're greeting each other now?

What's so funny?

In college, we used to grab each other's testicles.

-That was kind of our funny hello. - Immature, a little bit.

So loud.

-Alright, group photo. -Yeah!

-I'll take it. -Wait, where's Sam?

Oh, I don't know. She said she was gonna be here.

That's weird. Friend group back together!

One, two, three...

Alright.

-Felix, come in here. -Yeah, you get in!

No, it doesn't make any sense.

Get over here, the happy couple. There we go.

-Alright, just that. -Oh, yeah!

- That's great. - Good.

- Who wants mimosas? -We do!

Beers!

-It's a lot of energy. -It's fun.

Very loud.

Just a reminder that last week we were professional adults living in a house

before we moved here and turned 19 again.

Oh, it's temporary.

Actually, I'm excited about sleeping on a pull-out.

-Yeah? -Yeah! Oh, my goodness, there we are!

Wait a second. Oh, there's the bar.

So...

How are Froshy and Ethan?

I don't think Lisa loves it when you call her that.

It's flattering.

It was a dig when we were seniors and she was a freshman. Now it's not.

-So it has nothing to do with your affair? -Hey, keep it down.

And why do you insist on calling it an affair?

Because you're married to other people and having sex with each other.

Ethan was just like a stupid college hook-up that never ended.

And now we've ended it.

You guys had a 20-year run. That's more than either of your marriages.

Yeah, well, I have accepted

that you can't have everything you want all the time.

Ethan and I are done for good. I swear.

-I hope so. -What is that supposed to mean?

Look, I'm tired of keeping your secret

and I hate that you made it my secret, too.

-I just want it to be normal. -So do I.

Then why didn't you come to brunch?

I don't know, okay?

Look...

I don't have a plan here. This is an impossible situation.

You should just call her.

You're right.

-Oh, my God! -Froshy, look at you!

You're shrinking! You're like the incredible shrinking Froshy!

You look so glamorous for a Tuesday afternoon.

Oh, I love you! Come on.

You know who I'm gonna go see tomorrow? Felix.

As in Max's boyfriend, Felix?

Professionally, like fertility wise?

Yeah.

You guys are trying to have a kid?

Well, we're trying. It's not getting us anywhere, so...

it's time for science.

Yay!

Whoa.

Ethan with a kid, it's... hard to imagine.

I know, I think it's hard for him to imagine, too.

Gosh, this bed is so comfortable, I could just fall asleep right here.

I am...

I am so optimistic for you guys

and just feeling so positive about this.

I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to buy you this bed.

What? Weird.

-Yeah. Happy housewarming. -Wait.

No, Sam, that is insane.

-We don't have an apartment yet. -Too late, bed bought.

Congratulations on your new bed.

Also, let me and Jon take you guys out for dinner tonight.

This is so fun! It's awesome to have you guys here!

Raoul!

So, first of all, I just have to tell you

that I absolutely loved

the first 60 pages of Before the Storm.

-Max, thank you so much. -Loved it.

It's my first stab at a more mainstream thing.

I know I'm very fortunate and blessed, the critics love my books.

I just want someone to read them.

Because we need the money.

Well, anyway... I hope it wasn't too corny.

-No! It was the opposite of corny. -Great, okay.

The idea of exploring race and class through a biracial 18-year-old

just months before Hurricane Katrina, but without the drama of the hurricane.

-Right! -It was so you, man, it was so...

It was... so you.

Thank you so much, Max. So what happens next?

I think we're at the end of the road.

What?

I think this book is no more. You should stop writing it.

I'm sorry, what kind of sales strategy is that? Storm is my best seller!

That is not the opinion of the rest of the team.

Well, why don't you share with me what the rest of the team has to say?

I'm more than open to a little constructive criticism.

Sometimes you get a little...

Would you share your thoughts?

I love to hear the thoughts.

You do the voices when you're uncomfortable.

Let me explain, sometimes workshopping books,

everybody gets on top of each other, it's not a problem.

-I'm getting the opposite feeling. -Not a problem.

-That it's a huge problem. -I love to hear the thoughts, though.

-Well... I've got them here. - Yeah.

Okay, Donna, who was in a terrible mood, by the way, she's going through a divorce.