The Man in the Trunk

- Keep them closed. - Mm-hmm.

Okay, open 'em.

Sweet.

Whoops, it fell.

For me?

I feel bad.

I don't have a costume.

I don't want you in a costume.

No?

Do I get to take this one off?

Oh no.

You expecting someone?

Steve?

I need your help.

Thank you. - You're welcome.

You want some more?

Oh, yes, please.

No problem.

So you guys live here together?

- Mm-hmm, yeah. - That's great.

- Where, um, where did you meet, law school or--

I still have a year left.

Oh, okay.

That's great.

Do you want any food or anything?

No, I...

- Hey, Sara, why, uh, why don't you go upstairs

and, uh, put some clothes on

and just give us a minute

to catch up, all right? - Okay.

Let me go take a shower.

It's nice to meet you, Steven.

Nice to meet you, too.

Thanks for the water.

You're welcome.

You want more?

No.

What's up, man?

You look like shit.

(laughs) Thank you.

I, uh, tried, tried to dress up for you.

What's it been, like three years?

Been five.

- Five years, wow. - Yeah.

- Well, what are you doing all the way out here?

I, uh, came to see you.

Me?

Yeah, I, uh...

Do you believe in God?

- Oh shit. - What?

- Yeah (chuckles), that's what you want to ask me?

No, I just...

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to...

But do you?

Um, sure, yeah, I guess.

So you believe in heaven and hell?

I don't know.

Is that why you came all the way out here?

No, I just...

Your wife is nice.

Yeah, she, uh, she, uh, she's great.

We, actually, we're trying to have a baby.

Seriously?

That's the plan.

Tonight, you were trying?

Oh.

Yes, yes, Steve.

- I'm sorry about that. - That's all right.

That's all right.

Hey, man, tell me, what's going on with you?

I heard, uh, heard you were a cop,

detective or something?

(chuckles) Detective?

No, no, I'm a cop, though, yeah.

I, I think I should go.

Go, go where, why?

You just got here.

Well, I mean, you've got this new life

and a very pretty wife, and you might have a baby,

and I don't know.

You don't need me coming in and messing up your life,

so I think I'm just gonna go. - Not like that, man.

I'm the same guy.

You need me, I'm here.

Andy, I need your help.

All right, anything.

I need you to come with me.

Okay, where, where are we,

where are we going? - I can't tell you.

Okay.

I don't even know this guy.

You know Steve.

He was my college roommate.

Well, it is fantastic.

- You know Steve. - Maybe once, briefly.

- I've talked about him. - But,

this, this guy comes in here, in the middle of the night,

looking like God knows what and smelling like that.

Shh.

You haven't talked to him in five years,

and you're just gonna take off at his first call.

He needs my help.

- (scoffs) Everybody always needs your help.

Sara.

This is about tonight.

What about tonight?

- Looks like you're looking for a good excuse to take off.

Yeah.

Yeah, I called up Steve

and wished him a merry Christmas

and told him to come rescue me

from a night of sex with my wife.

Come on.

Don't be silly.

You said that you were ready.

You said you were ready,

that we were gonna try.

I am ready.

It, I, okay, I didn't think it was gonna be the minute

after Christmas ended.

I mean, we said after the holidays.

When's it gonna be then?

'Cause first you said it was right after you graduated,

and then it's right after we found a place,

so when now?

(sighs) Okay, I need to do this.

Sara, I need to do this.

Okay, when I come back,

we will make our beautiful baby boy.

- Okay. - Thank you.

But by boy, you mean girl, right?

All right, we're all set.

Let's roll.

I really appreciate this, man.

Yeah, man, no problem.

So how'd you get off the leash?

What?

- Your lady, how'd you convince her to let you go with me?

(chuckles) I just told her the truth.

Told her your sex change didn't take,

so you need somebody to take you to the ER (laughs).

That's funny.

- No, I, you know, I just told her you needed my help.

And she believed that?

Come on, man, look at you,

showing up at our place, in the middle of the night.

- Before, when you used to help me out all the time, I,

I never forgot about that.

I want you to know that I appreciate your help.

Well, you turned out all right.

Yeah, sure.

Sure you don't want anything?

No, I'm good, man.

Hey, how's it goin'?

Excuse me.

You know, your soda machine's broken.

I don't know.

I'll just get a bottle.

Andy, let's go.

Hey, don't work too hard.

You too.

We all set?

What'd you get?

A bunch of attitude.

I'm gonna Yelp the shit out of this place.

They Yelp gas stations?

Yeah, you can Yelp anything.

There's a body in the trunk.

I'm sorry.

Just shut up.

- I just-- - Shut the fuck up.

- So have you guys thought of any baby names?