Lommbock

Hi.

-Hey, babe. -Hey, you're late.

I know. A lot going on at the site.

-Hey, Jerome. -Hi.

Hi.

All right?

-Well...? -Yeah, things are moving along.

But I think we're definitely 50,000 over budget.

Don't worry. Dad's right behind you.

And...

Würzburg registry office has written. They...

One, two, down.

They need a notary certification if I don't appear in person.

What does that mean?

That means... Even with an express courier, it'll take about two weeks.

What?

-Hey, Jerome! -I'm sorry.

-It's okay. I'll see to her. -I'm fine.

-Want a glass of water? -Give us a moment.

Are you okay?

We can't postpone it. We've already sent out invitations.

-I'm sorry. -I don't know how you could fuck it up.

We're getting married in three weeks. Don't worry about it. I'm sorry.

Don't fret.

Where's your guard?

Come on. Come on.

I happened to be in the area.

Hey...

And of course I just had to bring you a classic gourmet meal in person.

Are you stupid?

Here at the airport?

That is Hungarian lamb, raw salami sausage.

Dogs can't smell anything else with it. I researched it.

-Researched it? -Yeah.

Olfactorily, it is absolutely impossible, Stefan.

Olfactorily, my ass! Nowadays, dogs can sniff out a gram in a ton of coffee!

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Are you crazy?

Stop it, they're watching.

Stefan, hey...

It's always just you and your goddamn paranoia.

-Me and my paranoia? -Yeah.

Listen, that was my very last piece of Sharaz.

All you can get on the streets is that genetically modified Haze shit.

I can't smoke that stuff!

Do you know that an ex-pat in Dubai recently got ten years for one gram?

-Stop it... -One gram!

One gram, right. But look, we are not in Dubai. We--

Any idea what kind of badass secret service they have? If they find out--

Secret service? What are you on about?

They'll find out if I have any hassle with drugs

and I might not get back in the country.

Boy, oh, boy...

-Finest organic Sharaz. -I'm sorry, okay?

-Hand-rubbed. From the Atlas mountains. -Sorry!

I hate it when you make me sound so conservative,

but as long as you're living under my roof, you'll do as I say!

-Then I'll move out. -That I'd love to see!

Hi!

Oh... Stefan!

Hey, Sabine. All right?

-Hello. -How long has it been?

I don't know. You'd started studying again.

That long ago...? How long are you staying?

-Just to the day after tomorrow. -Kai was so looking forward to it.

I know, but I'm so tied up with work and the wedding preparations--

I'd love to have come, but I have to go on a training course.

Oh, okay.

Darling... what was that all about?

He still hasn't done anything about his internship.

You said you'd have a word with him.

Yes, of course.

-Puberty... -Has his father shown up again?

No, he's hanging out on Goa like the stereotyped pothead.

But it's not a problem. Sabine sometimes has a bit of that teacher attitude.

She doesn't understand how to talk to young people nowadays.

Yo, Jon Boy!

-Whassup? -Hey!

-You remember Stefan? -Hi, Jonathan.

Yeah... Yeah, come in.

Whassup?

Hey.

Yo.

-You've grown. -Yeah.

-It's nice in here. -Yo, Big Boy.

Hey, boss, I've got to have a quick word with you again.

Mom asked me to talk about the internship.

Look, you know, I'm the last person to want to give out any counselling.

But you have to do this internship crap.

And I know you think "internship, shminternship"...

But let me say one thing.

They won't let you sit your final exams. They won't.

And I know you definitely couldn't care less at the moment.

And normally I'm the very last person to say "YOLO", aren't I?

-Right? -Right.

But look, what is meant to happen?

Just imagine you don't dribble your way through in the end. What then?

You'll spend the rest of your shitty life cooped up in here? Bitch, please!

Let your hair down.

Be a player.

Swag?

-Swag. -Safe.

Well?

-Everything's cool. -Really?

Yeah.

He's writing his application now.

-And Dubai is cool? -Yeah.

There's a crazy energy about the country. Really.

And the sea and the endless sunshine. It's great.

-But you're not a lawyer anymore? -No.

I'm now a CEO at Yasemin's father's firm.

CEO!

One of the biggest investors in the UAE.

I would have liked to have met her.

I'll show you a photo. Wait.

There she is.

And here...

Wait.

-Is that your flat? -Yeah.

Outrageous!

That's just a cheap 79-cent photo montage app.

"I-Stereotypical-Happy-Yuppie-Couple" it's called. Right, Stefan?

Cheers.

I'm going to bed. Have fun with your old-timers' revival.

We won't be much longer. We'll down another two or three six-packs, then...

We're downing six-packs?

I don't smoke dope anymore.

-I forgot to tell you, didn't I? -Yeah.

I don't smoke dope anymore because of Jon.

You know, Jon's getting to an age now...

Role model.

Yeah, role model. I understand. Respect.

You can still have fun without drugs. Right?

-Okay. -Okay.

You stay here and make sure Sabine doesn't come...

-Hey, Kai. -What?

Just leave it be. I can't stay up long anyway.

Hey, man, this is the only evening we have together.

I have to be at the registry office at eight.

You still can be.

All right, come on.

THE POLISH CURSE

Lommbock?

Yeah.

I'm mainly doing Vietnamese now...

and there's this island there.

But the island is in Indonesia.

It was too much effort to put up a new sign.

And it's written with a K.

And you're giving a geography lesson now, are you?

They're both still here?

Yeah.

Guys, look who's here.

It's Stefan.

Shut up, you fucking cunt!

Frank, keep calm...

-His Tourette's is getting worse. -Asshole!

Smoking dope is still the only thing that helps.

Cunt!

Oh, you've really changed things round.

Yeah, the Public Health Department caused some hassle because of the old kitchen.

And five years ago, I completely changed the whole concept of the business.

First Thai because Thai was the new Italian

and now Vietnamese because Vietnamese is the new Thai.

Oh, okay.

-Doing the "gourmet" service again? -No.

That's too hot for me to handle now.

Is business good?

No. Shit! Sabine has been on at me for months to close it down.

Things not so good between you?

No idea. Recently, she doesn't seem happy with anything.

Then she says I don't look at her as a woman anymore.

What she's failing to do, like all women,

is to look at it from an evolutionary point of view...

You mean the Stone Age. Men go hunting, women stay in the cave.

Stefan, don't give me that popular science crap!

This isn't pearls of wisdom from marriage guidance counsellors or such shit.

I'm talking about facts. Empirical...

-Okay. -...facts.

Okay.

Look at this genetically modified Haze shit. It's against the laws of nature.

-Where was I? -The Stone Age.

Yeah, so the fact is, and you know this,

humanity is descended from aliens.

Really?

I didn't know.

What did you think then? Explain to me how, within a few thousand years,

suddenly a Homo sapiens develops from a prosimian ape?

-Yeah, it-- -No, Stefan. No.

The missing link. You understand?

These aliens... Incidentally, they were extremely advanced intellectually.

How else could they have managed interstellar space travel?

Obviously.

So, a few hundred years ago, these aliens land on Earth.

And, to begin with, were probably extremely disappointed

because apart from a few prosimian apes and a few sabre-toothed tigers,

not much was going on.

They think to themselves, "Hey, we've flown for 100 light years through space

and if we can't build any trade relationships

or exchange modern technologies here,