Beavis and Butt-head (Beavis and Butt-Head)

Beavis and Butt-Head S09E03 "Holy Cornholio"

Tighter! Tighter!

Look at his face.

Butt-Head, I got an idea.

Check this out.

That's cool.

Hey, you guys shouldn't be in here,

my dad will be mad.

Yeah? Well, you're too old

to be playing with dolls, Stewart.

Yeah, we're doing this for your own good.

Just trying to help.

Screw his butt.

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Huh-huh.

Butt-Head! Aah! Aah!

Huh-huh, it's in his butt.

Aah! It hurts!

- Uh, I wouldn't know. - Aah!

Oh, yeah.

No, I mean the screw, like, went into my hand.

Come on, get it out.

Oh, my God! He's bleeding!

Cool.

Uh, don't worry.

I'll fix it.

Come on, Butt-Head, do something.

Aah! Aah!

Settle down, Beavis. Huh-huh.

Uh, okay, this is gonna, like, hurt you a lot more

than it's gonna hurt me.

Now, hold still, dumbass. Huh-huh.

Aah!

Aah! Cut it out, bunghole!

Oh, my God!

Uh, I think this screwdriver's,

like, broken or something.

Oh, my God.

Butt-Head, you've got to get Beavis to the hospital!

Don't worry, Beavis.

It's not the first time you screwed your hand.

Huh-huh.

Oh, yeah. Heh-heh.

Aah. Ow.

Aah.

- Oh, no! - Nice!

My waiter's a lean cuisine.

He has a nice smile, straight teeth.

Perfect-o.

Do you have phone number? Yeah.

Do you want me to have your phone number?

Those Italian dudes are like,

"I cannot get Italian girls.

"They all think I am loser

because I am a busboy and I live with my mom."

- Heh-heh. - "Yes, but American girls

oh, yeah, yeah."

Heh-heh.

I'm usually like an easy girl.

Easy girl, okay. Semplice.

I'm not that.

"But I have watched season 2 and 3 of Jersey shore.

I know this is not true."

"Yes, you are easy, like whore.

This is why I'm with you."

"You're not my first choice, but you are the sluttiest.

I work my way up from you to snooki, then to jwoww."

We'll be right here eating popcorn

while you guys get it in.

I come off as, like, a hard exterior

and, like, I can take, like, when the boys pick on me.

Yeah, she has a hard exterior.

But deep inside she has a soft, nasty, slutty center.

I should never have...

go!

Go! Heh-heh.

Get in there and have sex with him now!

Heh-heh.

You're wasting all our time.

Yeah, what tv show do you think you're on here?

Come on! Heh-heh, heh-heh.

This dude's like, "she will not put out.

How about I jump in bed with you guys?"

"I am soft like woman."

Heh-heh.

He realized he has to go fill water glasses.

Uh, Beavis screwed his hand.

Huh-huh.

A doll.

Yes, he has a doll. I see.

Yeah. How's it goin'?

Give me.

No! Ow!

Aah! Cut it out, butthole!

Mr. Beavis?

A doctor will see you now.

Huh-huh.

You might die.

Shut up, Butt-Head.

There's nothing more I can do.

I'm sorry.

Beloved.

Oh. Oh.

Do not fear, my children.

Soon I will transition to a new plane.

But first, leave me and sister Mona alone

so I can share my sacred essence with her...

One more time.

Wait.

Beloved, you said you will come back to us in a new vessel.

How will we know you on your return?

[Monitor beeping rapidly, flatline]

So, like, uh...

Is this where the screw penetrated

the action figure's butt?

- Uh, yes. - Huh-huh.

I believe that is where the screw made its point of entry.

Yeah, huh-huh.

"Entry."

Here's the thing.

I won't be able to remove it by simple extraction

without further damaging the surrounding soft tissues.

That's what happens when Beavis screws his hand.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

"Tissues."

- Uh, do you need to be here? - Ow.

Uh, yeah.

- Okay. - Heh-heh. Ow.

- Huh-huh. - Damn it.

- Leave these on for a week. - Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna let your friend hold these for you.

These will help manage the pain.

You should take one, three to four times daily.

- Okay? - Yeah, okay.

But no more than that.

Sometimes these can cause hyperactivity,

especially in younger people, okay?

Take care, boys.

- Cool. - Huh-huh.

Uh, how many did he say?

Come on, Butt-Head, give me my painkiller vitamin things.

- Huh-huh. - Butthole.

Ahh.

That's better. Not bad.

A little bitter, but...

Whoa, hospitals are cool.

We should just, like, hang out here.

Huh-huh.

- - Settle down, Beavis.

He's so beautiful.

What are you guys gonna name him?

Well, we've always liked the name Theo.

I am Cornholio!

You will name your baby Bungholio!

Heh-heh. Yeah. Is he an albino?

Julio Bungholio! Heh-heh.

He will be an albino and a gringo!

Uh, are you gonna feed him with your boob?

Huh-huh.

That would be cool.

Huh-huh.

Heh-heh.

Is that guy dead,

or is he just, like, sleeping?

I don't know, but either way it's cool.

Yeah.

¶ It's so cold in the "D" ¶

¶ how the fuck do we supposed to keep peace? ¶

uh, is this Real Housewives of Detroit?

Heh-heh.

¶ It's so cold in the "D" ¶

¶ how the fuck do we supposed to keep peace? ¶

uh, I think that chick in the back is dancing

to a different song.

- Huh-huh. - Yeah. Heh-heh.

¶ I'm having visions of how we used to hang and bang ¶

hanging and banging.

¶ It's bad for your health ¶

- Yeah, stackin' papers, yeah. - Heh-heh.

¶ It's hard in the "D" when you're tryin' to keep peace ¶

I'm lost.

¶ You don't have to worry about those fancy shits ¶

¶ tryin' to throw taxes at you, giving you stress ¶

¶ it's so cold in the "D" ¶

Ba-bum-bum.

¶ It's so cold in the "D" ¶ huh-huh.

Uh, this is hard to dance to.

¶ All the real niggas gone, and the worms are left ¶

¶ it's so cold in the "D" ¶

¶ how the fuck do we supposed to keep peace? ¶

¶ what's all on a fucked up mind ¶

something's off.

¶ Workin' and doing time ¶