Futurama

I got one!

Okay, kids.

Put away the dust motes till tomorrow.

It's story time.

- Oh, boy! - Yay! Ooh!

Today's storyteller is a space captain

who grew up right here at the orphanarium.

Welcome back the bed-wetter of Building D, Turanga Leela.

Hi, kids.

What book would you like me to read first?

We don't got books no more.

- What? - He means "anymore."

Look, sometimes you got to choose

between eating and reading,

so they ate the books.

Just make something up.

Make something up?

Um, okay...

Once upon a time,

there was a... a...

Princess?

Yes! That!

A... one-eyed princess

in a long, flowing...

tank top.

And she lived in a magical one-room...

Castle?

Yeah, if you believe

the listing agent.

Anyhow, one day,

the princess went off to,

uh, tell a story.

And then that's exactly what she did do that.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The end.

Miss Leela?

I have a question.

- Yes, Albert? - That story was bad.

That's not really a question.

That wasn't really a story.

I'm sorry, kids.

I'm not a natural storyteller.

But I promise I'll make up a better story

and come back again.

Please don't.

See you soon.

I'm sure I've got a great kids' story in me.

I just need to think of three of some kind of animal.

Concentrate, Leela, concentrate.

(trombone plays "When the Saints Go Marching In")

Fry, I'm writing here.

Do you have to play that?

Yes. It's the only song I know.

Look, friends.

I accidentally learned to tap dance.

(cans clanging, trombone playing)

Zoidberg, I'm trying to...

Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat?

Oh, yeah!

Pachinko break!

Tokyo crazy balls! Yes!

Oh, good, Leela. You're here.

I'd like to describe my foot pain.

My left has a sharp jabbing throb near the bunion,

while the other's got a searing pain like gout.

Maybe it's too much albumin because of gravity...

Even if I had a pen,

I couldn't write under these conditions.

I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate.

Searing, searing pain

that feels as if it were in a vice.

Well, that was rude.

Warden Vogel.

I have a new story for the children.

I'm sure they'll like it more than my last one.

They liked hunger cramps more than your last one.

Anyhow, you'll have to wait.

The kids are busy right now.

Oh, is the organ-harvesting clown here?

Nah, Rusty comes on Tuesdays now.

Today it's the owner of the Tickleodeon Kids Network.

Okay, kids, get ready to be subjected to our new fall shows.

Mr. Funny-Bunny here will gauge your reaction

by bombarding your brains

with harmless snuggle rays.

He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs.

Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg!

He's so hot.

I wish he wasn't my brother.

Look! Up on the drive-thru menu!

It's Captain Mega Meat

and his young ward, Bottomless Boy.

Hurry, Captain!

A skinny kid needs our help.

Super-size me!

From the Rowdy Roddy Piper

Daycare Center in Glasgow, Scotland,

it's Extreme Toddler Wrestling!

Thanks for the brain scans, kids.

Don't have any children for the next couple of days.

All right, boys and girls, enough fun.

Your old friend Leela is back with a brand-new story.

Hi. It's great to be back.

I think you'll enjoy this one.

Please.

Can't we just get our organs harvested?

It's about some cute little creatures

from a land called Rumbledy-Hump.

Kids, let's meet the Humplings!

Doingg, doingg, doingg.

Hello.

Oh, Feffernoose.

What about me?

Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him

'cause they can't understand him.

: It's nice to meet you.

Say more things like that.

Okeydoke.

One sunny, funny day,

there was an unfamiliar visitor in Rumbledy-Hump.

Wow, I can't believe you 'maginated all that stuff.

Will you come back again and tell us more stories?

And also adopt us all?

Of course I'll tell you more stories.

I'll go think some up right now.

Holy moly!

Lady, you don't know me,

but my name is Abner Doubledeal.

Wait, I know you.

You're Abner Doubledeal.

I brain-scanned those little nose-pickers during your story,

and, sister, their enjoyment glands

were squirting like Broadway roadkill!

Aw, they were?

Say, you seem like a smart mark.

How'd you like to make it into a TV show?

Sign here on this, uh...

Supercuts coupon.

I don't know.

Don't I need a degree

to write gibberish for toddlers?

Come on, Miss Leela.

Don't be a fraidy cat like Feffernoose.

Okay. I'll do it

to show you kids you can succeed at anything,

if you just luck out hard enough.

Welcome to the glamorous, big-money world

of basic cable TV!

I'm going to need that pen back.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting.

I'm on a mostly natural high.

These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom.

I'm not having any problem.

We're shooting in five minutes,

and this Leela broad hasn't even delivered a script yet!

Sweet zombie Jesus, like it's not hard enough

to make a freakin' TV show for under 50 bucks.

Damn it. I'll call you back, Grandma.

Nice of you to show up, toots.

I mean that sincerely.

It's just that I'm in show biz.

Sorry, I went to my quiet place to write.

Here's the script.

Ach! You writers make me sick.

Nice job on the script, though.

Places, everyone!

Okay. Cheap lights.

Off-brand camera.

And non-union action!

I like ice cream.

And I like lollipops.