Self Medicated

Five minutes later, she's on my fucking jock talking about,

"Wouldn't it be great if we had some ecstasy tonight?"

Yeah, yeah.

When I heard that, I know I'm getting laid.

The problem is, where the fuck am I gonna get ecstasy

in the middle of goddamn nowhere, right?

So I'm like, "Yeah, ecstasy, no problem.

I gotcha baby."

I go to 7-11, get some fucking Aspirin...

Ha-ha-ha!

...scrape off the little thing, break it in half, it's like fuckin'...

Ow!

Hold the wheel, hold the wheel.

I'm going again.

Oh shit, Ron!

Let me see it, man.

Let me get a shot.

You want this?

Don't point it at my face, man.

Guys, guys, guys, check it out.

Oh shit, get that.

Oh! You got the weed?

You got the weed?

Yeah, I got it.

Driver, put both hands out the window.

With one hand open the door.

Slowly step out of the vehicle and get on your knees.

Hello?

Hello?

This is she.

Mm-hm, yeah.

Yeah.

Huh, he did what?

No, no that's okay.

I know how to get there.

We were just screwing around, jeez.

It's not like it's some big fucking deal.

Oh, that's nice.

That's real classy.

You think you sound cool talking like that?

You sound like an uneducated idiot.

Good, I don't care.

You don't care?

Well you better care, 'cause they're gonna send you off to boot camp.

Try talking like that,

you'll be cleaning the floor with your toothbrush.

Yeah, okay.

Oh, no?

What do you think Judge Guzman's gonna do

when he finds out you've been shooting people with ink balls?

It's paintballs and he's not gonna do shit 'cause

I got two words for you; not guilty.

A lying, manipulative, little con artist;

some son I've raised.

Andrew?

Andrew?

Mr. Eriksen?

Excuse me Andrew, are we keeping you up?

No... yeah, I'm listening.

Good.

Then you won't mind commenting on what we've been discussing.

Sure, I'd love to.

In what context?

Okay Andrew, I'll humor you.

Please explain to us the corollaries

and significance of Gutenberg's printing press.

Yeah, alright.

But you know, I think it's only fair to mention that the Chinese--

they were already experimenting with printing

way back in the 15th Century.

Well that very well may be,

but that's not what we're discussing, now is it?

No you're right, I'm sorry.

Okay the printing press...

basically, that was the first time that the public had access to information.

People learned how to read.

The Bible got printed.

Actually, I'm not sure that you covered it,

but isn't that what was responsible for the Protestant Reformation?

Who do you think you're fooling, huh?

Who do you think you're fooling?

I have been watching you sleep through this class for two months.

What? What did I say?

I mean, was that not correct because I'm...

Shut up!

You know, you may think that you're smart enough

to just glide through my class, but--

You don't care, why should you?

I mean, you already know it all.

Tell me, why do you even bother showing up?

You know, I think that might be

the first decent question that I've ever heard you ask.

Good morning, Bonanza High School.

Hello.

This is Alan Calenes, Seth Calenes' father.

Hi.

Just look at the Petri dish, what do you see?

I want these to be your observations,

not what's in the text.

Mrs. Fehringer?

Yes?

Would you please tell Seth Calenes his father called.

He'd like Seth to meet him at the airport right away.

Southwest flight 162.

I sure will.

Did you get that?

I hope everything's all right.

Flight 162, man.

You like that?

Mikey loves the chronic, man.

I don't get it.

All the crazy shit that goes down in this town, man.

I mean, they got people robbing banks,

screwing little kids and shit.

They're gonna arrest you over some silly shit like that?

Yeah, tell me about it.

It's alright, though.

That's why I made a little stop by the Army Surplus Store today.

Check this out.

Guy told me it fits all law enforcement issued handcuffs.

No shit.

Yeah, you believe that?

You should get one, Mikey.

You know, just in case one of them guys you bring home

handcuffs you to the bed.

Alright, come on you guys, let's get out of here.

I've got to go intercept some mail.

What are you worried about one of these?

Huh?

Oh, you got one.

1.6-- how the hell do you go from a 4.0 to a 1.6, man?

Yeah.

Who gives a shit.

Hey Drew, could you turn that down for a sec?

I need to talk to you for a second.

What's up?

I was uh-- I was talking to Wilcox the other day in the quad and...

your mom paid Billy Barlow's uncle $2,000 to drive down to Tijuana,

pick her up-- pick her up a bunch of pills there.

I thought you should know.

This is just not gonna work.

Do you have any idea what time it is?

Your school called today.

You have 27 absences in your first period.

27?

They're not giving you credit for the class.

Please, please just don't talk to me right now, okay?

So, you're drunk.

I can smell you from here.

And you're drinking and driving.

What is the matter with you?

Are you stupid?

You're 17 years old and you're already

a pot head and an alcoholic.

Yeah, look who's talking.

Why don't you have someone go down to Mexico for you

and get you some more fucking drugs, alright?

That is not the same thing.

Those are prescription medicines that are prescribed.

Just save it, okay.

You low-life junkie.

Don't you talk to me like that.

Your father would roll over in his grave!

Hey, don't you tell me about my dad.

He'd be so proud of you, wouldn't he?

Shut up!

Andrew, Andrew, can't you see it?

Can't you see what you're doing to yourself?

Please, can't you just leave me the fuck alone?

No, no I will not leave you alone.

I won't leave you alone.

I'm not gonna stand here and watch my son destroy himself.

You need help!

Wish it was you.

What? What did you say?

I said I wish it was you that died.

Why couldn't it have just been you?

Hello?

Oh, hi Louise.

It's Nicole.

Hey, Andrew's not there, is he?

I was just checking to make sure he wasn't trying to sleep in again.

Oh, that's so sweet of you, Nicole.

But believe it or not, he already left.

Oh okay, well listen, I gotta get to class.

But hey, if you're gonna be around later maybe I'll stop by and say hi?

Yeah, okay.

Okay, bye.

Wow, I think he actually went to school on his own for once.

Yes, he will definitely resist, that I'm positive of it.

Oh-- I don't know, 170.

He lifts weights.

Listen, the last thing I want is him getting hurt.

Yeah, yeah I know.

I just worry about him.

Mom, where's my blue shirt with the pockets?

Okay, um, it's good talking to you too.

Five o'clock will be fine.

Yeah, bye-bye.

Five o'clock for what?