Serving Sara

Aw.

My job sucks.

Got no future, got no benefits.

I'm here to play.

Oh, yeah? Who are you?

Who am I? I'm on the list.

Show me the list. I'll point me out.

Yeah. There is no list.

Charles Lazaro invited me.

Oh, so what you're telling me

is that you're a friend of Fat Charlie's?

Well, I'm not a friend like the doughnut guy,

but, yeah, we're friends.

Well, we got a little problem here, pal.

Fat Charlie has no friends.

You know what? I think we got off on the wrong foot here.

Thug?

Mr. Thug?

Oh, shit.

Goin' down.

Jimmy, you crafty son of a bitch.

You really think you were gonna get away with this?

Huh?

Step back a couple feet, will you?

My name's Bond...

Barry Bond... s.

Huh?

You got a little something...

Right in the...

Play the paper.

Sir, there is a $100 minimum.

Right. Of course. Heh.

How embarrassing.

There we go.

There's... There's twenty-one.

And that's, uh, yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What are you doing there, Polyester Paul?

Excuse me, sir?

You're dealing from the bottom of the deck.

This man is dealing from the bottom of the deck!

Did you see that?

See what? Okay? We all caught you.

Is there a problem, sir?

Yes, there's a problem.

Three-card Monty here is dealing from the bottom of the deck.

I assure you, sir, that's impossible.

Oh. Really?

If it's impossible, then how come he dealt himself

a perfect... Thirteen?

Ohh.

Sir, why don't you step this way?

We'll sort this out.

Don't you know who I am?

No, I don't know who you are.

Okay, well, why don't you find somebody who does.

All right, Zorro?

Well, looks like today's your lucky day.

I know who you are.

See? He knows who I am.

Oh, yeah.

You're the guy that's leaving here tonight

in the trunk of my car.

Let me guess. Fat Charlie, right?

That's right, moron.

Now listen to me.

Nobody accuses my joint of cheating, you got that?

Yeah, well, I do, and I got the pictures to prove it.

See for yourself.

There ain't no pictures here.

Charles Lazaro, you're hereby served

to appear as a witness in the racketeering trial

of Freddy Marcuso.

What are you, some kind of a wacko?

Serving me papers in my own joint?

Rip his jugular vein out.

Okay, Lieutenant.

If I'm not out in 60 seconds, send in your boys.

(ON WALKIE-TALKIE) Okay, Joe. Roger that.

Charles, it's a pleasure serving you.

And you,

eat something. THUG: What?

You don't fit in.

Heh.

Nice work, kiddo.

Next time, you hurry up.

I'm freezing my ass off out here.

There you go.

And, hey, don't spend all that on candy.

Son of a bitch.

It took you six days to serve this guy.

Six freakin' days!

Hey, he disappeared on me.

A guy named Fat Charlie disappeared on you?

Poof. Puff the Magic Dragon.

Just gone. Poof. Bye-bye.

And I guess you mean to tell me you ain't see

the Chrysler Building on your way over here, either.

If you want to spend your life chasing

nickel-and-dime papers, you go right ahead.

Ray, the guy was a difficult mark,

and I served him clean.

What else do you want?

You know what I want?

I want you to be more like Tony here.

Well, that's impossible. I walk upright.

What are you saying? I don't have good posture?

You're a Neanderthal.

And I say kiss my ass.

My mouth's not big enough.

Hey, hey, hey. Look...

You see this?

I gave Tony this file two hours ago.

It's done.

What's going on with you, Joe?

You used to be my money guy,

my assassin.

Now, in the time it takes you to do one job,

Wopalong Cassidy here serves seven papers.

It would've been eight, but I let Joe have that one

in Miami.

The only reason that is that the mook can't take Miami.

It's too damn hot down there.

Miami's not a city. It's a steam room with mosquitoes.

That's great, Tony.

You're a regular process-serving savant.

What'd you call me? Savant.

That's somebody who's really good at something...

Oh, thanks, Joe.

While being a complete idiot.

Hey!

Ladies, please.

Yeah, you really did serve these really fast.

In fact, you served them yesterday.

What? What are you talking about?

What's the date today? It's the... The 10th.

It's the 11th, numb nuts.

Give me that.

Goddamn it, Tony!

Relax, Ray, relax.

I'll go back to the courthouse. I'll refile it.

It's the big white building

with the pillars in front of it.

Hey, screw you, Joe!

I'm tired of you calling me stupid.

I'm not the one growin' a grape vine

in my living room.

This loser thinks he's going be

Ernest and Julio freakin' Gallo.

Ray, do you have a job for me or not?

Look, I got one job right now.

It's an important job out of Texas.

It pays five grand.

Well, I was gonna give it to Tony,

seeing he's been so hot lately,

but now that we know he can't read a goddamn calendar,

makes me a little edgy.

So here.

What, you're gonna give it to Joe?

After two months of screw-ups?

It's gonna take him 10 weeks to serve it.

Well, thanks for the prediction,

Nostra-dumb-ass. Don't you have a courthouse to find?

Eat me.

Eat you?

I've never been that hungry in my life.

Listen, Joe,

this is the Texas branch

of my biggest account here in New York.

This file could open up

a lot of out-of-state business for me,

you understand?

It's an easy job.

All you gotta do is do it fast.

None of that lollygagging six-day crap on this.

I'm serious!

You got it, boss. And let me just say

from the bottom of my heart...

That suit is kickin'.

Get out!

I'm gonna go. You better go!

This suit kickin'. Shit. This suit cost me $300.

Say, what time's your flight again, sweetheart?

It's 11:20.

Well, lookee there. Perfect timing.

I am the King.

Well done, Mr. Cowboy.

That's right, Mama. I tell you what.

You're my darling, dearest, deary,

darlin' gal, and I'll tell you what,

any of them New York boys got

their hands on you, and ooh, I wouldn't know what to do.

Well, here we are.

Now, hey, you'll call me when you get there?

I will. Oh, I'm sorry.

I love you, girl. I love you, too.

Okay.

You get that all right?