WWII: The Long Road Home

["Mooonlight Serenade" by Glenn Miller plays]

What you throwing?

Aniseed balls.

Watch it! You might break the window.

You coming down?

Be there in a second.

How long's your leave for?

That's the thing, I'm not really supposed to be here.

Can't you get in trouble for that?

I'm stationed out in Cuckmere, middle of bloody nowhere, no one'll find out

it's nice there though, when the war's over I'll take you.

That'd be nice.

["In the Mood" by Glenn Miller plays]

What d'you think you're doing?

Coming for a swim?

Oh! It's freezing!

- - You coming in then, Tup?

Fat chance!

You silly bugger!

Oi!

- Enjoy your time in there boy! - Hey hey! Another Tiger!

- Hang on a minute, Standing innit? - Yeah, that's right.

I'm sorry I can't quite remember you're erm...

Grimes, Andrew Grimes

- What you in for? - Oh, this and that...

how about yourself?

- Too late for a bloody training exercise. - Oh, Army'll come down on you like a ton of bricks!

Storm in a blood tea-cup, innit?

I could do with a cup of tea about now.

Ha, join the club!

- Did you get your transfer thingy through? - Yeah, yeah. The wife weren't too pleased.

Can't imagine she would be!

I'm telling you, if those rich toffs in Downing Street came to their senses,

they'd put me in old Churchill's seat

I'd have this entire war sorted out in a jiffy

The way I see it, it's all about land. Empire. This is yours and this is ours.

I mean take Poland. Why they wanted to start a war over it, I'll never know. You been there?

Nope.

Nah, neither. Let 'em have the shit-hole, as long as we can hold on to India.

I mean starting a war over Africa I can understand. It's cos of the oil, innit.

Yeah well we'll, err, we'll be off there soon.

Yeah! Tell you one thing I'll miss is that barman's daughter down the Bell and Arms.

Cor, some Yank'll have her before I get back!

You never know, war'll be over by Christmas.

Yeah and I'm fucking Santa Claus! That's what they say every single time.

You know, you're too bloody optimistic, that's your problem.

Nah, I'm a realist, you're a pessimist, that's the difference.

Sling your hook now Standing.

I've brought you a cup of tea, Charlie.

She's at her wit's end in there, Charlie.

There was nothing I could do.

I know lad, I've been there myself before.

What's it like, over there?

Just take care of yourself, keep your head down and you'll be alright.

# Love me or leave me or let me be lonley #

# I love you only... #

D'you wanna die, is that it?

No, no, I don't.

Then why are you going?

Everyman has to do his bit, I'm doing it for you.

No! No you're not!

We'll get through this, I promise. Me, you and Terry. I'm gonna come back, I know it.

You have a family.

It'll be over by Christmas, I'll come home then.

They said that last time. They always say that.

Your son is gonna grow up without a father, like you did.

Let someone else go!

Well that'll just mean another boy will grow up without a father and another wife will be a widow.

That man won't be as lucky as me. I'm gonna come back, I promise you.

I need you here! I can't do this by myself.

I'll do it.

Captain Thompson, reporting sir.

Thompson, yes.

Yes, sir.

I've got a new assignment for you

German tanks are expected here, and err, infantry, there.

You're to assemble a four man squad, go in quick and quiet, and...

Damn it man, this whole bloody thing rests on your shoulders...

in other words... don't cock it up!

- What he say Captain? - We're going out on recce.

When?

- Pull out tomorrow morning, say, 0600 hours. I need two more men.

Oh, err, Grimes?

- He'll do. Then how about Clarke? - This morning.

Christ! Standing, then. I'll assemble them

outside Command, you try and get us some transport.

Cor, bloody heat!

You should be glad it isn't raining Standing, you big girl's blouse.

The Captain's right, you should look on the bright side.

That's the problem, everything's so bloody bright out here.

Haha! You're just the village idiot, Milton.

You'd better watch it Grimes, you cocky bastard. I'm a higher rank than you.

I just like to keep positive.

And how the hell d'you do that?

Ah it's not so hard. Optimism runs in my family, just take me grandda..

Oh, you've gone and done it now Chaz!

Christ, we're all gonna have to hear about that bloody granddad story again.

I'll have slit me wrists before Jerry even has the chance to take a pop at us!

Why the hell have you got that?

Bought it off an Arab for a bar of Cadbury's.

Besides I've got it all planned out for when we get to Germany

See I'll take this knife, snip off Hitler's one and only

and then serve it up to old Eva on a silver platter.

Oh! Thanks for that image.

No problem, Cap!

I've established the Hun's general course, only thing is, it goes through a minefield.

What if they've re-mined it?

Not so bloody positive now, are ya?

Unless Jerry sent in the bombers, blasted a way through for his armour.

Well if we get through what happens if we run into the Kraut?

Well that is rather the point of our mission...

We just have to hope that someone up there is rather fond of us.

If we do run into them, we'll talk our way out of it.

Oh, you speak Kraut now then do you?

It's a work in progress.

Anyway, we should be done here soon.

I've a bad feeling about this.

Yeah, feeling's mutual.

But if we stick to the tracks, it will be fine, right?

- - Arrgh!

- Fucking ell! -

Come on

Come on!

Get in! get in!

Shit!

Grenade!

Arrgh!

Help. Argh Charlie fuck. Help me!

Come on! Arrgh fuck Arrgh!

Arrgh fuck arrgh! Easy! Jesus arrrgh!

Arrgh fuckarrgh easy! Fucking hell

Fucking ell!

- Shit - It's over mate. Arrgh

Don't shoot

We surrender

Oh shit

We've been here since Tobruk.

Old Cooper, came here weighing one hundred and sixty pounds, now he's ninety four.

Roll-call at dawn, meals twice a day. There's four men to a bed, but they can hold six.

Try and make your Red Cross packs last a while, cos the food here ain't the Ritz

but, other than that you're living the life of Riley.

We've won in Africa!

The Tigers'll be back on the front next!

Come on!

Go on hit him you wanker! Go on!

Hit him! Go on!

Go on I've got some money on this! Go on..

I'm tellin' you, I ain't even touched a girl since embarkation.

Neither. To be honest, I'm trying to stop the desire.

How about you, you got a girl back home?

Where are they taking us?

I heard we're going up north.

Some of you will be taken to the farms nearby,

to help work the land. Those who will go are as follows:

Boyle, Breen, Cameron...

Dawson, Wilson, Johnson, Standing.

Italy has signed the terms of surrender with the Allies.

Right listen up lads, there's a few words I want to have with you before this night's out...

Now first of all, there is to be not fraternisation with the Eyeties, is that clear?

Yes sir

Right. A few other things,

I've got sentries on the main gate, mounted.

We've sent a party out to recce the local area in case the Hun does turn up,

but I don't think that will happen

Intelligence is this: our boys are landing in Rome and Milan

and the Navy, they should be coming in at Genoa and Rimini...

So this is it.

By my reckoning, we have just twenty-four hours to hold out,

and then it's our time! Good luck boys!

# And did those feet in ancient time #

# Walk upon England's... #

Here. You need to have a drink mate. Take some of mine, it's strong mind...

some fella over there's been drinking it out an enamelled mug and the enamels coming off!

Don't you get it! We have to leave now!

Calm down mate! Now ain't the time for quick action.

But it is! The Allies aren't gonna come

the Krauts are coming here and they'll ship you off to Germany!

I'm tellin' ya, let 'em come!

What I tell you, we go out there, couple of Brits like us,

don't speak the lingo. They will fucking shoot us!

Look, have I ever given you reason not to trust me?

No! So listen to me now, if we get out of here and make it back to Allied lines,

they'll send us home. Our part in this war'll be over.

Allied lines!

You're bloody delusional! We're better off waiting here

with food and drink, and wait for them to come to us.

Better the devil you know.

I understand what you're saying mate, but it ain't worth the risk

I'm sorry, but I ain't going.

Americano?

Wait! Wait! Wait! I'm English! I'm English, I'm English.