Without Love

No vacancies.

What next, boss?

Big hotels are full. Small hotels are full.

Ain't you got no friends here in Washington you can stay with?

You haven't got an extra bed at home have you?

Boss, I got two cots. Both of them taken.

- Who sleeps in your bed? - My wife does.

- What did you expect? - I don't know, I don't know.

- I'm a stranger here. - You're married, ain't you?

No, I'm not. Well, take me to a hotel

that's got a nice large rug in the lobby, will you?

And with a small one alongside of it for the dog.

Right.

- Hey, taxi. - Another customer, mister.

Throw out the lifeline.

Come on. We've been sharing rides all evening.

Oh, it's a... dog?

- Are you the dog I know, hmm? - Where to, mister?

I want to go to the nearest recruiting station.

I'm gonna join the United States Navy.

They're not open this time of night, mister.

Oh, that's no excuse.

Oh, I know. You-you think the Navy won't take me.

Just because I happen to be nearsighted.

All right, ask me to see something.

That's a house. That's a tree.

That's a sign. Says, uh...

keep off the grass.

I should think the Navy would be very happy to get you.

Well, I'm sleepy. Good night, doggie.

Get some sleep.

Eh, say... uh, uh, where do you live?

Oh-ho-ho, no. No, no, no.

No, home is where the heart is.

And a man's best friend is his mother.

But not tonight, my friend.

Not tonight, 'cause you don't know my mother.

Yes, uh... Uh, to Jamie's house.

Where's that?

Oh, now, let's not be stupid, shall we?

It's Connecticut Avenue Northwest.

Northwest by East, and quarter South.

Aye-aye, skipper. (Chuckling)

But what number, if I'm not too inquisitive?

Oh, it's all right. Um... it's 184.

It's 481.

Well, you try all of them. I always do.

You'll find it. You'll find it.

Drunk Man: See? I told you.

It was just the question of trying all the numbers.

Nice landing, commodore.

The day shift is trying to sleep.

Oh, now, let's not be absurd, shall we?

I mean, this-this nobody lives in this house.

It's going to hear the patter of four little feet tonight.

- Four? - Mm-hmm.

I can stand up.

Are you sure nobody lives here?

My cousin Jamie lives here. But nobody lives here now.

Comprenez-vous?

Compre... Oh, yeah. Oui. Oui, oui, monsieur.

- What is that, free French? - Mm-hmm.

Very free. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna give it to you.

I'm gonna give it to you for a night's lodging.

That'll be 3.25 all together.

Why don't you let him pay it? He'll never know.

Oh, no. Couldn't do that to a man who wears glasses.

- That would be grand larceny. - Heh. Thanks.

Come on.

Hey, have I been out of town?

- These are my bags. - Oh.

Here.

Oh, refugee!

I'm a refugee.

You don't believe that, do you?

Well, I'm refugee.

- From love. - Really?

Well, the same thing could be said about me.

Say, why don't you spend the night here?

Spend the night here? Oh, I couldn't do that.

- Is the dog okay? - Oh, be careful.

You'll hurt his feelings.

Oh, I'm sorry, old man.

- May I take your bags? - Thank you.

- Thank you very much. - Not at all.

Let me tell you about love.

If I Only knew where Jamie keeps the keys,

- we could have a drink. - Jamie? Who is he?

- Jamie is a she. - Oh.

Quentin: Like George Elliot.

- Ohh. She writes. - Who?

Oh, Jamie? She writes.

She writes horseback.

She "writes" horseback. That's a good one.

Not that good.

Don't you say anything against Jamie.

- Oh, she's the woman you love, huh? - No, no, no, no.

Jamie is my cousin. She owns this house.

She spends most of her time in the country.

Well, sit down. I'd like to tell you about Edwina.

Say, who's the scientist around here?

Oh, that's Jamie's father. But he's dead.

My father is dead, too.

- Makes my mother a widow. - Mm-hmm.

She's much older than I am.

Mm-hmm, that's very often the case.

- Not necessarily. - Really?

Well, perhaps I've just never met a son who was older than his mother.

No, no, no. I'm talking about Edwina.

Edwina.

- Edwina is older than I am. - Oh...

She's going to be married next month.

- What would you do? - I'd go to sleep.

Oh, it's a coward's way.

Edwina's mother and my mother were the best of friends.

Our fathers were the best of friends.

Our uncles were best friends.

Edwina and I have been engaged since we were that hi...

That high.

And I love her, and she loves me.

At least I think I do.

- Now, you take love. - You take love.

Why, what's the matter?

You see this book?

It's logical, it's clear, it's honest.

It doesn't tell you one thing today and another thing tomorrow.

It doesn't double-cross you. It's beautiful.

I'd rather have it than any woman who ever lived.

You know something?

I'm sober and you are terribly drunk.

I've gotta go on the wagon.

I never heard a dog's barking before.

- Hi. - Who are you?

Pat Jamieson. You bought me here last night, remember?

Oh, did I? Well, I... I didn't...

- (dog barks) - I don't remember any dog.

Oh, I'm sure there was a dog. Uh, would you hold that please?

- Oh, sure. - And take it over here.

Here, I-I'll take the cleaver.

Now, put it against the post there.

- Sure. - All right, that's it.

Nice house your cousin Jamie has.

Do you know, Jamie?

Well, you told me about her last night.

- It's a nice cellar. Isn't it? - Oh, yeah.

Would you put that right against the sewing machine? Over there.

Ah, on the floor. Down on the floor against the corner.

I say, pardon me for asking,

but are you going to dig a hole here or something?

Because I-I don't think Jamie would like you to.

Even if I said you could last night.

No, no. No holes.

Now, would you come over here? Just bring it with you?

Right there.

I don't suppose she'd like to rent the place without holes?

Well, I don't know. The house is for sale.

But rent, well, I doubt it. Jamie is a funny sort of bird.

You know.

Do you know that she hasn't cracked a smile in years?

Well, money is great thing to keep the face straight.

- Oh, yeah, you know she... - Right on the pencil mark.

- You know, see where I did the pencil. - Oh.

- Would you get your leg outta the way? - Oh.

- That's it. - Yeah, she-she lives alone.

She walks alone, she rides alone.

She even eats alone.

Say, what are you doing here, anyway?

Can't tell, maybe I'm a counterfeiter.

Yeah, maybe you are.

You know, if I were a counterfeiter

and if I were talking to me, I'd say I am.

Just to throw me off the track.

But I am not as foolish as you think I am.

Hmm, no.

Course, I may be doing something illegal.

I might be doing secret government work. Who knows?

Oh, not I.

Anyway, the basement is wonderful.

It's the basement I've always dreamed of.

And if you could persuade your cousin Jamie

to rent it to me or loan it to me or let me buy it, I'd...

- I'd really be happy I met you. - (door opens)

- Woman: Quentin! - Oh, hello, Edwina.

What are you doing in this filthy place?

Where did you get that vile dog?

Oh, it's his dog.

Is Jamie here? I was to meet her.

She's coming to town to see about getting a caretaker for this place.

You are the caretaker, are you?

Oh, Edwina. This is a very, very good old friend of mine.

Edwina Collins, Pat Josephson.

Jamieson, Pat Jamieson.

My dog's name is Dizzy.

What are you doing in your dinner jacket?

Oh, well, aren't we dressing for dinner at your mother's house tonight?

- Oh, I see. - Oh, you do? Well, that's fine.

You overdid it again, as you say, didn't you?

Why in the name of heaven you think it amusing to get yourself