Ma and Pa Kettle on Vacation

;Will you get up today;

- Who is it? - I've got a special delivery airmail for you, Pa.

Well, I-- I got my hands full, Hank.

Slip it under the door.

[ Door Opening, Closing 1

How ya feelin' now, Ma?

Same as I always do after a hard day's washin'.

You sure you ain't sick?

If anybody's sick around here, it must be you.

'Tain't natural for you to work hard enough to get my breakfast. Now, now, Ma.

There ain't gonna be no more tough days for you, 'cause I'm gonna help.

With the washin'? Mm-hmm.

Startin' today, I'm gonna make a clean shirt...

last a month instead of two weeks.

Oh, here's a letter for us. Who's it from?

Must be from Kim's folks. The postmark says Boston.

Two airplane tickets to New York...

and then to Paris.

Is it from Kim's folks?

It must be. It's signed byjonathan. I wonder what it's all about.

If you'll read it, you'll find out.

“Dear Ma and Pa--“ That's us, all right.

“Dear Ma and Pa--“ You said that before.

Do you want me to read it or don't you?

Oh, sure, Ma. Go ahead.

“Affectionately yours, Elizabeth and j onathan.”

Well, I'll declare. What do you think about it, Pa?

Well, I don't rightly know...

because I never heard a word you said.

Elizabeth andjonathan want us to go to Paris with them!

Paris, France? Well, it ain't Paris, Kentucky!

Two of their friends were going with them,

but after buying the tickets, their friends can't go.

Now they want us to go with them. That's wonderful, Ma.

I always wanted to go to Paris, France.

I almost did during the First World War.

What stopped ya? I don't know.

They said I couldn't go until they scraped the bottom of the barrel.

The change will do us both good, Ma. Oh--

Let's do it, huh? I'm afraid I'd worry too much about the kids.

But they say they won't take no for an answer. Them's my sentiments too.

Don't worry. Leave everything to me.

I'll find someone to look after the kids.

We don't get the chance to go to Paris, France every day, you know.

Thanks for the breakfast.

Oh, don't mention it, Ma.

I'll fixyou up a good lunch too.

Be sure you fix me something you can eat!

Our only problem now...

is to find someone to look after the kids while we're gone.

You don't have to look any further, Pa.

I know a young squaw who'll papoose-sit for four dozen eggs a week.

That's kind of steep, ain't it?

Chicken feed's hard to get these days.

If you don't believe me, just go out and try to borrow some.

I'll get you better rate.

Could you lend me a pipe-ful of tobacco?

Sure, Pa.

Oh, Pa, don't forget to bring us some postcards from Paris.

Thought neither of you fellas could read.

Who has to read 'em?

You got a match?

Where you goin' with the wheelbarrow?

We gotta take it back to Lem Tullett.

Then you're going right by my house.

No use going empty-handed. I'll go back with ya.

Huh. Shut up!

You talk too much. Keep it in order, boys.

Keep it orderly.

[ Door Opening, Children Chattering]

All right, children! All right!

Now, quiet down! Quiet down!

What was it you wanted? A small bottle of perfume, if it isn't too expensive.

What can Ma bring you, honey?

A big flock of french-fried potatoes.

Now, listen, children.

If you'll all be good while Ma's gone and do what Little Red Fawn tells ya,

I'll bring everyone a present when I come back.

Ma, your taxi just pulled up.

- You got the tickets and passport, Pa? - Right here in my hand, Ma.

Well, get a move-on, you. The taxi's waitin'.

Won't have to borrow tobacco while you're gone. Going-away present.

Well, thanks, Geoduck.

I was beginning to worry how I was gonna say “borrow“ in French.

Little Red Fawn, take good care of my litter.

So long, kids. Bye, Pa!

Come on, Ma.

Ain't you gonna take ahold of these suitcases? Oh, I can't, Ma.

My arm's still sore from that vaccination.

Ain't nothin' wrong with your right one, is there?

I got the passports in that one, Ma.

Geoduck, help Ma with the bags. Sure, Pa.

Pick them up.

Hey, Ma, you forgot something!

Oh.

Come on, children. Come on.

Now, Ma's gonna be missin' you all while she's away.

They'll give you some trouble, but they don't mean any harm.

They'rejust like all other kids, I guess. Full of the dickens.

Iwouldn't take $10 million for'em.

I wouldn't give a nickel for another one.

Him stuck.

You oughta give him a hand.

The handle came off. We'll have to fix that.

Jonathan, here they come! Yeah.

[Ma Laughing, Couples Chattering]

You old son of a gun, you haven't changed a bit!

Hel lo, j onathan. Ma, how are you?

I wish Tom, Kim and the baby could have been here.

Kim and the baby are still visiting Tom in camp.

They send you their love and wish you bon voyage.

That was nice of'em. Did you wish them the same thing from us?

Yes, of course.

How was the trip, Ma? Were you sick? No, but I was afraid to yawn.

In another three-quarters ofan hour, we'll be winging our way over the Atlantic.

We'll have dinner on the plane.

Bus for Idlewild Airport now loading.

Connections for Paris and intermediate cities.

That's us, Ma. Here we go.

You old son of a gun, will we have a good time in Paris.

Paris, France. Yeah.

Fasten your belts, please.

Fasten your seat belts, please.

Fasten your belt, please.

Pardon me, sir. Fasten your belt, please. Don't wear any.

Would it be all right if I take a tuck in my suspenders?

She means this belt here.

That's the best supper I've had since lunch.

What's the matter, Ma? 'Tain't like you to leave any of your vittles.

Can't finish it. My stomach's rollin' around like the waves down there.

You ain't lightin' up that smokestack, are you?

Theyoung lady said it was all right to smoke the minute we was off the ground.

Here's an old lady who says you can't.

If you've got to smoke that smelly thing,

why don't you go back to one of those empty seats? just as you say, Ma.

But this pipe is sweet as a nut.

Oh, excuse me.

I'll take it, sir. Oh, thank you.

Where you going, Pa? Back here to take a smoke.

Ma's stomach is a bit skittish.

Don't you feel good, Ma? I'll be all right.

Pardon me.

Doyou mind if I sit here? Not at all.

Thanks.

You see, Ma, that's my wife,

she don't feel so good.

She don't want me blowing smoke in her face,

so if you don't mind-- Certainly not.

I was just about to smoke myself.

My name's Kettle, Pa Kettle.

What's yours?

Wade. Adolph Wade. Adolph, eh?

I had a hog by that name once.

But when Adolph showed up one day with a litter of pigs,

I had to change his name to “Alice.“ Very interesting, Mr. Kettle.

Pa is the name.

Mighty fine smelling tobacco.

Yes. Special blend.

You know-- You know, we're going to Paris.

That's fine.

Where are you stopping?

At the Hotel Louis XIV.

You mean the Louis Quatorze.

No, this is Louis XIV Hotel, I'm sure.

Mr. Kettle-- Pa's the name.

Pa,you look like a man who can be trusted.

Been chargin' tobacco at Billy Reed's store for 25 years.

Good. I want to give you something.

That is, if you do not mind doing me a favor.

Always believe in being neighborly.

Then you will bring this letter to me in Room 408...

in the Hotel Louis XIV tomorrow night at 8:00.

Why do you want me to deliver the letter to you when you already got it?

Mr. Kettle-- I mean Pa.

I've been quite ill. I get dizzy spells.

Get 'em myself when I lace my shoelaces too tight.

I was shellshocked in the First World War.

Uh, sometimes I don't know what I'm doing.

Don't feel too bad. Ma says I'm that way all the time.

It's amnesia.