Dave Chappelle: The Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize for American Humor

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE "GOAT" MR. DAVE CHAPPELLE.

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THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. EVERYONE HAVE A SEAT AND RELAX.

TOMORROW WILL BE A VERY SIGNIFICANT NIGHT IN COMEDY.

I AM VERY SURPRISED TO GET THIS AWARD THIS YOUNG,

BUT I PROMISE YOU I DESERVE IT.

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MAN, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS JOB IS LIKE.

I GREW UP WATCHING THE BEST SHIT TALKERS THIS WORLD

HAS EVER SEEN.

EVERY OPINION IN THIS COUNTRY,

HAS A COMEDIAN THAT REPS YOUR POINT OF VIEW.

BUT GOD DAMN IT,

I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN A COUNTRY WITH A BRITTLE SPIRIT.

I WANT TO LIVE AMONGST SOLDIERS.

.

HOW ARE YOU SO YOUNG GETTING THIS AWARD?

WELL, IT TOOK ME 32 YEARS, CHAMP.

ALRIGHT, NOW.

ALRIGHT, BE WELL GUYS.

SAVAGES!

I CAN'T REMEMBER HOW IT GOES.

HEY, HEY.

IT'S VERY RARE THAT YOU GET TO GET TOGETHER WITH

EVERYBODY AND NOTHING'S WRONG.

I'M APPRECIATING THAT ASPECT OF IT IMMENSELY.

YOU NERVOUS AT ALL?

TO GET A PRIZE, NO.

I AM GOING TO BE SURROUNDED BY ARTISTIC GENIUS TONIGHT AND

AN AUDIENCE THAT HAS A HIGHER APPRECIATION FOR THE

ARTS THAN MOST AT THE KENNEDY CENTER.

THIS DOESN'T CONSTITUTE HIGH PRESSURE, HERE.

SO MANY PEOPLE DESERVE THESE MOMENTS...

IT'S AN HONOR TO MEET YOU. THANK YOU, MAN.

YOU THE MAN, DAVE!

SO FEW PEOPLE GET THEM.

ANY REASON FOR ALL OF US TO BE TOGETHER IS FINE FOR ME.

SHOULD I WEAR THE GRILLZ OR...

DEARLY BELOVED...

WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO GET THROUGH THIS

LIFETIME PRIZE CALLED TWAIN AND CELEBRATE A LEGEND NAMED DAVE.

ELECTRIC WORD "LEGEND"...

IT MEANS YOU'RE REMEMBERED FOREVER AND

THAT'S A MIGHTY LONG TIME.

BUT I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT TONIGHT IS MORE

THAN A CELEBRATION OF WHAT THIS LEGEND HAS DONE,

IT IS TO REJOICE IN WHAT HE IS DOING AND

TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT, FOR DAVE, THE BEST IS YET TO COME.

AND NOW, BOYS AND GIRLS. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

IN THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF MARK TWAIN...

LET'S GO FUCKIN' CRAZY!

FROM DAVE'S ALMA MATER,

THE DUKE ELLINGTON SCHOOL OF THE ARTS SHOW BAND!

YES, IT IS.

AND NOW, THE 22ND RECIPIENT OF THE KENNEDY CENTER

MARK TWAIN PRIZE FOR AMERICAN HUMOR,

DAVE CHAPPELLE!

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.

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HEY YA'LL.

HEY YA'LL, MY NAME IS TIFFANY HADDISH.

THIS IS WHERE YOU GUYS SHOULD APPLAUD

AND GO CRAZY.

I'll WAIT.

.

DAVE, I SEE WHY YOU WEAR THESE THE ARE SO COMFORTABLE!

LOOK, LOOK AT THIS ROOM Y'ALL, LOOK AT THIS ROOM.

LOOK AT THE PEOPLE WE GOT HERE AT THIS PARTY.

YES!

COMEDIANS, ACTORS AND MUSICIANS ARE ALL HERE FOR ONE MAN.

WE'RE ALL HERE BECAUSE DAVE BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER IN A WAY

THAT MAYBE NO ONE ELSE IN THE WORLD CAN.

I MET DAVE OVER 20 YEARS AGO AND WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS EVER SINCE.

DAVE YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MY MENTOR, MY BIG BROTHER.

AND UH, EVERY TIME I STEP ON STAGE, EVERY TIME,

I THINK OF YOU CAUSE, UM, I ALWAYS WANNA MAKE YOU PROUD

BECAUSE YOU THE "GOAT" YOU KNOW, YOU THE GREATEST.

.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT DAVE IS HIS SPONTANEITY.

OH, MY FAVORITE STORY WITH DAVE WAS ON CHRISTMAS.

ONE YEAR AFTER I FINISHED FEEDING THE HOMELESS AT

THE LAUGH FACTORY...

I DO THAT EVERY YEAR BECAUSE I NEVER FORGET WHERE

I CAME FROM...

NOT THE LAUGH FACTORY, HOMELESS, HOMELESS.

DAVE CALLED ME TO MEET HIM FOR DRINKS AND WHEN I ARRIVED,

I SEE HIM THERE WITH MARLON WAYANS AND I WAS LIKE,

"WHAT ARE YA'LL FATHERS DOING HERE ON CHRISTMAS?

SHOULDN'T Y'ALL BE WITH Y'ALL KIDS?"

AND DAVE SAID,

"WHO ARE YOU, SCROOGE? BITCH, HAVE A DRINK!"

.

SO WE LAUGHED AND JOKED TIL ABOUT 1:00 A.M.

AND THEN DAVE WAS LIKE, "Y'ALL WANNA GO BOWLING?"

AND WE WERE LIKE,

"AIN'T NOBODY, AIN'T NO BOWLING ALLEY OPEN ON

CHRISTMAS THIS LATE!

LIKE, WHAT, WHAT YOU TALKIN' BOUT?"

HE STARTED LAUGHING, HE SAID,

UH, "DO YOU REALIZE I'M DAVE CHAPPELLE?"

HE MADE A PHONE CALL AND THEN WE JUMPED IN HIS SUV

AND THEN WE STARTED GOING UP THIS HILL

AND THEN WE PULLED UP TO THESE HUGE GATES.

I MEAN, HUGE.

I WAS LIKE, "ARE WE FINNA BE BOWLING AT JURASSIC PARK?"

WE GET OUT THE CAR,

GO TO THE DOOR AND GUESS WHO OPENED THE DOOR,

GUESS WHO OPENED IT?

I SAID, "GUESS" BITCH, GUESS.

EDDIE MURPHY OPENED THE DOOR!

WE WAS AT EDDIE MURPHY HOUSE!

WE WAS AT EDDIE MURPHY HOUSE AND I WAS LIKE...

AND DAVE WAS LIKE, "CALM DOWN, CALM YOUR ASS DOWN,

WE'RE GONNA GET KICKED OUT."

I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS AXEL FOLEY,

GOT A BOWLING ALLEY!"

WE MUST'VE TALKED AND LAUGHED AND SHARED STORIES FOR HOURS.

AND THAT'S THE KIND OF GUY DAVE IS.

HE'S SPONTANEOUS AND HE'S MAGICAL AND

HE'S A HORRIBLE BOWLER.

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HI, I'M PAUL PELOSI.

I'M TIFFANY HADDISH. NICE TO MEET YOU.

WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

MY WIFE NANCY.

HEY NANCY.

HEY, YOU WERE GREAT!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

.

YEAH, WE WERE MOVING WITH YA, BABE!

I GOT THE FIRST SHOW, EVER, AT THIS CLUB.

WHAT?

THAT WAS IN '92.

TIME FLIES, MAN.

YEAH, MAN. TIME AIN'T NO JOKE.

GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND WELCOME

TO THE D.C. IMPROV!

AIN'T NO SMOKIN IN HERE MOTHERFUCKER!

HEY MAN, YOU KNOW HOW WE DO IT.

IT'S DAVE'S NIGHT, IT'S DAVE'S WEEKEND. ALRIGHT!

DAVE, YOU THE MAN.

YOU BRING OUT EVERYBODY!

DAVE CHAPPELLE, HE GOT THE MARK TWAIN AWARD.

GIVE IT UP FOR DAVE GETTING THE

MARK... TWAIN... AWARD.

MAKING HIMSELF A WHOLE BUNCH OF DAMN...

YOU KNOW YOU'RE MAKING A BUNCH OF MONEY WHEN YOU GET A

MARK TWAIN AWARD.

I JUST BARELY KNOW WHO MARK TWAIN ASS IS.

MAN, I CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT IT IS LIKE TO GET AN

HONOR LIKE THIS IN THIS VERY CITY I STARTED FROM.

IN FACT, LITTLE TRIVIA FOR YOU...

THE FIRST SHOW, IN THIS VERY ROOM, I WAS THE FIRST

COMEDIAN ON STAGE.

IT WAS ME, A GUY NAMED BRIAN REGAN AND

SOME DYKE NAMED ELLEN DEGENERES.

WE DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS GAY BACK THEN, WE WERE ALL TRYING

TO GET SOME PUSSY.

OH, I'M SORRY I THOUGHT THIS WAS A COMEDY CLUB.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THIS MIGHT BE AMERICA'S LAST

SAFE PLACE TO SAY WHAT YOU FEEL LIKE SAYING

AND LAUGH AT WHAT YOU FEEL LIKE LAUGHING.

THIS IS SACRED GROUND.

LIVE COMEDY IS THE MOST INCREDIBLE THING IN THE

WORLD TO ME.

YOU'RE STANDING UP THERE LIKE A GLADIATOR;

MAYBE THAT'S THE ONLY TIME THAT I FEEL LIKE MYSELF.

AT 19, HE'S THE YOUNGEST COMEDIAN IN

STAR SEARCH HISTORY.

FROM WASHINGTON, D.C., HERE IS DAVE CHAPPELL.

THANKS.

I DON'T KNOW IF ED MENTIONED THIS, I WAS RECENTLY ON

BLACK ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION...

KINDA HAVE A FEELING MOST OF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THAT.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

I USED TO THINK ALL WHITE PEOPLE WERE HAPPY.

JUST TO BE WHITE.

I THOUGHT YA'LL SIT AROUND, "FUCKIN-A, I'M WHITE!"

THIS FEELS GREAT, TAXI!

JUST CHECK IN!

I SPOKE AT MY OLD HIGH SCHOOL AND I TOLD

THEM KIDS STRAIGHT UP.

IF YOU GUYS ARE SERIOUS ABOUT MAKING IT OUT OF THIS GHETTO,

YOU GOTTA FOCUS, YOU GOTTA STOP BLAMING WHITE PEOPLE

FOR YOUR PROBLEMS AND YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN HOW TO

RAP OR PLAY BASKETBALL OR SOMETHING NIGGA, YOU TRAPPED!

YOU ARE TRAPPED!

EITHER DO THAT OR SELL CRACK, THAT'S YOUR ONLY OPTIONS.

THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I'VE EVER SEEN IT WORK.

BETTER GET TO ENTERTAINING THESE WHITE PEOPLE.

GET TO DANCING!