Casual

Valerie: Previously on "casual"...

- Laura: We have a rat! - Jack is bringing traps.

I miss us, and I know that with my celibacy,

that I couldn't ask you to try again,

but I want to... try again.

Valerie: You and Casey seem really close.

Yeah, I guess so.

Something going on with you two?

What do you mean?

Valerie: You know, you have a tendency

to sort of complicate relationships with sex.

Wow, that's so sad that's what you think of me.

My girlfriend, she's threatening to go full Ophelia.

You are shouldering too much weight.

Just tell val. She'll understand.

Mom told me you have a half brother.

It's crazy, right?

I have to... Take a rain check on this game.

I've had a really long week, and I'm so tired.

- Did you talk to val? - Mm-hmm.

What, weight lifted or...

No, not exactly.

- Oh! - Oh, shit!

I plant these cans on behalf of clan Cole.

Ahhh!

Ah!

Both: Fuck!

Okay, all right. This is fine.

It's a terrible mistake, but we were drunk

and high on rat death euphoria.

- Oh, gross! - Gross?

Oh, a fucking bro, rae...

Please tell me we didn't fuck to matchbox 20.

How dare you?

God. Don't look at me. Turn.

I've already seen everything.

Do you remember it?

Not really.

I've got perfect nipples. Turn.

- All right. - Gross.

God, you look like the villain from "legally blonde."

Gross.

You said "gross" three times now.

All right! Don't. Don't look. Don't look.

Look, I'm just saying this as a friend.

You should buy a toenail clipper, okay?

God damn it.

God, shut the fuck up, oven.

I see you two have finally met.

Surprise!

Ugh! Is this pathetic or what?

It depends what you're trying to do.

Well, I'm trying to do a room service thing,

since you used to love that, but we don't have any trays.

Oh, no, I'm fine. I'm not hungry.

You're not? What?

I mean, you don't want anything?

No, I'm good.

I hate to waste it.

Oh, I'll pay you back for it.

I don't want you to pay me back.

Mom, I'm fucking with you.

I don't make any money, remember?

Rule number one: Never fuck a roommate.

I should be restrained at night,

chained to the wall like the wolfman.

That was benicio, right?

And Emily blunt phoning it in?

How far we've come.

Okay, I need to re-home her. Can she stay here?

Not if she's in heat.

Come on. I need a game plan.

Why don't you make her breakfast

and have an honest conversation about what happened?

No, terrible idea.

Agreed. Ignore her.

Normalize the transgression,

and gaslight her if she brings it up again.

- Laura. - You should run for office.

So what are we doing today?

Korean barbecue? Shooting range?

Korean barbecue at a shooting range?

Well, Laura and I are looking forward

to doing a staycation kind of thing.

We're gonna just watch TV...

Actually, I'm heading over to dad's,

but I will take this donut, thank you.

Hey, are you sure it was rae you fucked?

Or was it tybalt, the sorcerer?

Ha ha ha.

Did you know

that for a large portion of his adult life,

Jack Nicholson thought his grandmother was his mom

and his mom was his sister?

Oh.

That why you didn't tell me about my half brother, the mystery guy?

Afraid of upending my thriving acting career?

I just wasn't sure you would want to know.

Oh, really? Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

But now that I do know,

I should probably look into it, right?

I mean, for Laura's sake?

In case she needs a kidney or something?

Yeah, good thinking.

Probably best to start harvesting those organs now.

Yeah.

I really should.

Casey: Hey.

Hi.

Cool place.

Thanks. Happy to provide asylum.

How's your mom?

Well, I'll head back home

as soon as her bitterness fades to exhaustion.

Jane, Dylan, Nigel, Laura.

Hi.

So what's on tap for the day?

Well, I have this interview thing,

but you're welcome to hang as long as you'd like.

Cool.

Um, you have...

Do... do you need...

A tampon? No, not really my thing.

Gotcha.

That's... cutting out the middleman.

Hon? You're up in the shower.

- Thanks. - Yeah.

- Elena, Laura. - Hi.

Oh, you're Casey's girlfriend. Hi.

Her wife.

Oh.

It's nice to meet you.

Oh, hi. It's Alex Cole calling.

No, this has nothing to do with reverse mortgages.

Yeah, I'm dawn Cole's son,

trying to contact old friends, lovers, whatever.

Is Gary there?

No, I'm not asking for money.

You know what? Forget it.

Enjoy the time you have left.

Hi.

Hiya.

Hello, young man.

That's a fun and loud toy.

I'm training him for future government work.

Clark, honey, why don't you play one of your games, okay?

I don't normally bring him to the office,

but his dad's running a bit behind today.

- Dad's not coming. - Yes, he is, bear.

You always say that.

Seven out of the last ten times,

he hasn't shown up at all.

He's very good at data collection.

Can he spreadsheet? Put him on payroll.

I wish, but child labor laws.

I'd go to jail, and he'd just end up

dating bacon-withholding women.

- This is so boring! - Clark...

I hate your office.

Do you really want Alex to see you like this?

This guy? I don't care about him.

- Clark. - It's okay.

I don't care about me either.

I'm just gonna... yeah.

Sorry.

You know, maybe just to spite Alex,

I'll track down my half brother and throw him a party.

Do it as a pay-per-view event,

and charge money, make a little cash.

Yeah.

Nah, never gonna look for him.

Really?

No, it's a no-win.

I mean, if he's happy and successful,

it'll just be this painful reminder

of what could have been.

If they're a bunch of losers,

then you got to worry about shared genes.

Yeah, exactly.

Best-case scenario is, they're normal,

which would be just boring.

Don't you kind of want to know

what your original surname is, though?

Like, what if you have an awesome last name

like bonvillain or mcclintock?

- What if you're a mcclintock? - I don't know. It could be terrible.

I knew a Gracie cumster in middle school.

Oh, whoa.

- What? - Uh...

- Mapplethorpe? - Oh, shit, of course.

What kind of mapplethorpe we talking about here?

I don't know. Is it portraits, sculptures?

Tulips and assholes.

Oh, got the whole potpourri.

- Yeah. - Hmm.

- You know what? - What?

- I hate tulips. - Really?

Yeah, it's a terrible flower.

And my great-great-great-great- great-grandmother was Dutch.