Diana: The Musical

Lady Diana, is it?

His Royal Highness was wondering where you went. He sent me to find you.

Oh, I just needed a little air.

- -It's such a posh party.

I'm used to talking to five-year-olds.

What?

I'm a kindergarten helper. I don't even know why I came.

So not my scene.

Well, His Royal Highness is certainly glad you came.

I can tell he's taken quite a liking to you.

Has he really?

When you come back in, I'll make sure you two have some time alone.

Oh, thank you--

Mrs. Parker Bowles. But call me Camilla.

Charles and I are old chums.

There must be someone appropriate, Charles.

You'd be surprised by how few, Mummy.

We are in crisis!

Our popularity is declining, the public trusts us less and less.

And you're saying that's my fault?

I'm saying your philandering isn't helping matters!

Well, there is one possibility.

The youngest Spencer daughter, Lady Diana.

But didn't you used to court her sister?

Sarah, yes, until she started mouthing off to the press about our relationship.

-How stupid of her. -But Diana's different.

She's… very shy, and I'm certain she'll be discreet.

But I'm not certain this is what she wants.

The Princess of Wales? Me? Imagine.

I know. I'm as amazed as you are.

But I hear the Queen's become your biggest advocate.

God, that woman hated me.

I don't know, though, he seems rather melancholy.

You've been hanging pictures of Charlie boy on your wall

since you were 12.

He's your Barbara Cartland fantasy come true.

All right, fine.

But do you think he even likes me all that much?

As if that matters!

You meet all the requirements:

the right family, no pesky ex-boyfriends,

and, against all odds, you're still a virgin.

In their eyes, you're the perfect bloody princess.

This just came.

Yeah, I'd say he definitely likes you.

Bloody hell.

-The sod never gave me one of these. -Well, that says a lot, doesn't it, Sarah?

-Hello? -Ah, Lady Diana.

I was just checking if you received the necklace I sent over?

Oh, yes, sir, and I…

I love it.

I thought you might wear it tonight. Oh, and I hope you don't mind,

I've invited a few friends to join us.

Well of course not, I enjoy all your friends.

And tell me, Diana,

do you enjoy Bach?

-Yes, sir, I adore Bach. -

Splendid. Tonight, then.

He really does have many appealing qualities.

Such as he's in line to be the King of England?

She really couldn't be more charming.

-I hope she likes the necklace. -Have you met Mrs. Parker Bowles yet?

I spent a lot of time picking it out for her.

Yes, they're good friends. Why?

You'll see. I'll be borrowing this a lot.

-Enjoy Bach. -And you truly think she may be the one?

I do.

I've really enjoyed getting to know her. Her simplicity is so refreshing.

Not to mention, she's remarkably pretty.

And you know I've never cared about that.

-No, darling. I didn't mean-- -Someday I'll forgive you for that remark.

All right, forgiven.

Do you know what she suggested we do this weekend?

-Hm? -Go and see Dire Straits.

I hadn't the foggiest idea what she was talking about.

-They're a pop band. -Yes, I've been well educated on that now.

As well as on The Culture Club and Duran Duran Duran.

-Oh, no, there are only two. -Only two what?

Durans. It's simply Duran Dur--

Never mind.

I'm merely pointing out she has the musical tastes of a teenage girl.

She is a teenage girl.

-So she's malleable. - Mm.

You and I would have great influence over her.

Now go and grab her before she runs off with a member of Air Supply!

Well, I've engaged us a cellist for tonight. You will join us?

Charles, perhaps Diana would prefer some time alone with you?

I was actually hoping you could come and offer her, um, a spot of guidance.

Wow.

Diana.

-I'm so thrilled you could come tonight. -Well, it was a tough decision.

It was either this or Trivial Pursuit with my flatmates, so--

And you look absolutely stunning.

Really? I feel like an overdressed Barbie doll.

-Oh, no-- -Oh, that necklace is perfection!

Camilla?

-Oh, I didn't realize you'd be here. -

Then again, you seem to pop up everywhere.

My dear, may I offer a spot of advice?

You see, I feel as if I've become a bit of a big sister to you.

Well, I already have two big sisters, so I actually don't need another.

Well, this, uh, situation you're in, the favored girl of the prince,

it's rather unique.

So do try to be as clever as you can about it, all right?

-Charles likes clever girls. - Ladies?

Ah.

Oh, here! A little thank-you gift.

Uh, for me?

You seem surprised. Don't girls usually give you gifts?

No. Never.

Cuff links. How lovely.

-I'm sure you have dozens. -Actually, hundreds.

Well, I saved the receipt, so--

-Oh. -

That's Mstislav Rostropovich.

He is, in my layman's opinion, the greatest cellist in the world today.

- -You see? It's sublime, darling, isn't it?

Charles likes clever girls.