Éclair

Do you have any plans for the weekend?

Nothing in particular

Except I'm gonna be starting the day with a bad cup of coffee

A bad cup?

I have this awful coffee machine

Terrible

It's really old

Actually, it's always been bad

- Then maybe you're not using it right - Oh really?

I could--

I could come and take a look at it for you, if you like

Yeah, might be quite an easy fix. I mean, I'd have to look something up on the way

- Oh! On Google? - Yeah! Look up a few bits and pieces

Or maybe

You could, um, pretend you're going to fix the coffee machine

And when you get there

You make a move on me

And I say no, but you do it anyway

- I-- I do it anyway? - You uh... make me do it with you

Why would I do that?

Can I get you two anything else?

Maybe some coffees?

Not-- not right now, thanks

Look, I get you're not into it

But there is nothing wrong with having a fantasy.

- I don't want to rape you! - It's a normal-- - It's not!

- It's a normal everyday fantasy that lots of women have - I can't believe you're asking me to...

Oh God, were you--

Were you--

Raped yourself?

Is that what this is about to reclaim it or something?

- That's a pretty personal question - In case you guys have changed your mind

We have some great artisanal blends

When I was little, in Italy

Every summer we'd go to the seaside, and I had a friend

Like, best friend

And, we'd play a game

Called "Man and Woman"

And, you know...

We'd take turns, because we're both girls

But obviously we both wanted to be the woman

And the man would

Drag her around and make her do stuff

Yeah, and she'd be trying to get away but never could

Because he was stronger than her obviously and then...

And then they'd they fall in love

and then we swap

That's a real insight into girls, I--

I would have been at the other end of the beach pretending to be Optimus Prime

Aren't you worried about getting hurt?

- I have a contract - What? You--

What?

You just happen to have a contract?

Now? here?

- Oh, well, I thought just in case - What, just--

Just in case we got on and

And you thought it might be nice if I raped you

Do you consider that carrying a--

A rape contract around it in your bag might be something of a security risk?

Then I wouldn't use my real signature

Ah!

Clearly you thought this through

Oh you wrote this yourself

You're going to give me some legal advice now?

It's the least I can do

Considering I'm going to be dining out on the story of this date for the rest of my life

"I, Anna Cavalli, give my consent for the undersigned" -- no space

"To rape me at any time within the next 24 hours." 24 hours?

Maybe he could

Follow me or break into my flat

Well, then I think you'd better have a "breaking into the flat" clause. A rape may include

The rapist breaking into the victim's flat. All costs arising from damages occasioned by the break-in

Is to be split evenly between the rapist and the victim

Victim provides an inventory of a full contents of the flat together with their exact condition--

Wait, what?

Some innocent guy who thinks he's just signed up for a pleasant rape. Next thing he knows

- He's paying for the flat screen TV, he broke last week - That wouldn't happen

Unfortunately this is the real difference between fantasy and reality