Work It

Good morning, sweetie. Mwah.

Wow. Dad, I got so used to seeing you in sweatpants

when you were unemployed. It's weird seeing you in a tie.

Oh, yeah. You think this is weird.

So how's the new job? You liking it?

Yeah, I am, and I'm gonna like it a lot more as of today,

'cause I finished my training,

and now I get to do what I do best.

They're paying you to use more paper towels

than the job calls for?

No, they're paying me to make sales,

which I'm also very good at.

Hey, Lee, why do I keep finding my women's magazines

in our bathroom?

Oh. Uh...

Ugh, gross, dad. Get some real porn.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's not why.

Well then why is it?

Okay, that's why.

Seriously?

There's some pretty hot stuff in there.

Oh, really? This does it for you?

"How to minimize your broad back"?

Oh, yeah. Baby, say it slower.

Mm! Oh, shoot.

Lee, you just spilled juice all over yourself.

Yeah, I know. No one's gonna notice.

Babe, it's pretty obvious.

Yeah, you know, people at this job...

They don't seem to notice things that are really obvious.

You see that game last night?

Thanks, Lee,

but no amount of football talk is gonna make this okay. (Strap snaps)

Hey, it's a recession, man, right?

There's no jobs out there for guys like us.

We're just doing what we gotta do.

I know.

Or would you rather go back to cleaning bathrooms

at astro taco?

No way, man. That place was rough.

I mean, how hard is it to aim your heinie?

Oh, jeez, angel, these things are freezing.

You know, they're not real cutlets.

You don't have to store 'em in the fridge.

Uh-oh. There might be some chicken in my underwear drawer.

Captioned by closed captioning services, inc.

You ready to warm up?

Yeah. Let's flip our lady switches on.

Oh, my God. You look so cute.

So do you!

Oh, no.

You wanna split a dessert?

I don't know.

A minute on the lips, lifetime on the hips.

Oh.

We're ready. Yeah. (Clears throat)

It's your first day out in the field!

How did you even know it was us

in the elevator?

She probably heard the cables straining.

Are you nervous? Don't be nervous.

Unless you like being nervous.

Not me. I like to take a laid-back approach.

Good morning, ladies.

Good morning, boss Vanessa!

Are you ready to do some selling?

Oh, yes, I was born ready... And female.

Have I mentioned that I'm the regional sales leader?

What does that have to do with anything?

Nothing. She just likes saying it.

I know that because we're friends.

Well, we'll see how much longer

you're the regional sales leader.

I like your attitude. Thank you.

He's a list of doctors you'll be seeing,

and the drugs you'll be targeting to them.

Oh, I'm sorry. And where is the gardner medical building?

It's right near stormy's.

Uh, I'm not familiar with stormy's.

It's like the best bar in St. Louis.

They have the most delicious daiquiris,

-and they're only $4 at lunch... -Ahem!

Which is... when I am working, so I have never had one.

Why can't I just stay here

and help you with things around the office?

Because you work on commission, and I don't buy anything.

I know, but it would mean...

yeah, angel, let's not talk too much

to the lady who can fire us.

What are you doing?

Well, Kelly said she thinks

-Vanessa might be a lesbian. -Right, but you're not a woman.

Why can't you be happy for me?

Okay, this is you. This is you.

Okay. I think I'm down the hall.

Okay. Let's go to work.

Okay, just one quick question. Shoot.

How do I sell stuff?

Seriously?

I've never sold anything before.

I'm a mechanic. You're actually a salesman.

You're just pretending to be a woman.

I'm doing two pretendings, bro!

All right, you wanna know why I was top salesman at Pontiac?

Confidence, okay? Don't ask them what they want.

You tell them what you need,

okay, and what this doctor needs is xacrosystemax,

'cause it's the best xanthine bronchodilator

out there.

Okay, you just said a whole bunch of words

I've never heard before.

You don't even know the name of the drug?

I don't see how you yelling at me is helping anything.

Okay, fine, look, luckily, this stuff's gonna sell itself.

Just go in there and tell the doctor

that you're here to talk about xacrosystemax.

Okay.

I'm here to talk about...

Give it to me again.

Xacrosystemax.

And once more.

Xacro... system... ax.

Xacromistymax.

Excellent.

Okay.

You're gonna do great. Get in there. Let's go.

Let's do this. You got it.

Xacrosystemax.

Dr. Sorenson, this is your lucky day.

Now you don't know it yet,

but your patients need enervadone.

Now I know what you're thinking.

I'm doing just fine with my zapoden and my plaxodril.

But you take one look at the results

of this double-blind, phase iii study,

and I think you'll realize

this ain't your daddy's angiotensin ii blocker.

I wanna say it's called...

"Zack attack"?

Xacrosystemax?

Yeah, that one. You wanna buy some?

You know, I really am very busy now.

Oh, this is a beautiful sculpture.

Is it supposed to be a butterfly?

Those are lungs.

Butterfly lungs?

Thank you so much for dropping by. Just...

You're welcome.

Do you know if stormy's is open?

I need a daiquiri bad.

Oh, well, doctor, are you sure, though,

that you don't want to hear about the study in Denmark?

No, thank you. If I wanted a lecture,

I would have gone to medical school.

Oh, wait a minute. I did.

Oh, you're so funny!

And thank you for the daiquiri recipe.

Oh, I tell you, these are going to be so much better

than the ones you get at stormy's.

The trick is you just don't wanna make 'em too sweet.

Well, better not put you in there then!

Oh, stop it.

No, you stop it.

And don't you forget to come back

with some more of these samples,

because I tell you, I'm going to be prescribing xacrosystemax

to all of my asthma patients.

Good, because I'm pretty sure that's what it's for.

Oh! Bye-bye, angel.

Bye-bye. (Laughs)

This is so easy!

These are on me.

Who would have thought that I would be so awesome

at selling stuff?

With the first doctor, I was like,

whatever, lucky break.

But the same thing happened at every office we went to.

'Cause you cheated.

How did I cheat?

Um...

"Better not put you in there. Tee-hee-hee!"

Give me a break. That's cheating.

I was just being a good saleswoman.

Oh, really? What were you selling,

your nonexistent hoo-ha?

Oh, I-I see what this is.

Mr. big car salesman is pouty because I crushed him

on his first day out.

I'm not pouting. No, then why you...

what are you guys talking about?

Oh, just whores who whore around like whores.

Brian, come here.

Is it okay for women to flirt to get what they want?

Hell, yeah.

I just wish I had something they wanted.

See? I win.

You don't win anything. Why don't I win?

Jeez, whoa!

What's got all your panties in a bunch?

-We don't wear panties! -Who said anything about panties?