Desperate Housewives

Previously on...

Tom and Lynette drifted further apart,

and Jane took advantage.

I'm scared.

Roy helped Karen face her cancer.

We're done.

I'm the one that decides when we're done.

The loan shark threatened Renee.

But Mike stepped in.

- I don't ever wanna see you again. - Then you shoulda killed me.

Bree discovered the truth about Orson...

You wrote the letters? You killed Chuck?

And cut off all contact with him.

Don't you ever call my house again.

I can assure you this is the last you'll hear from me.

But Orson had the last word.

In our neighborhood,

there are people we see every day,

and every day, we take them for granted.

As we go about our lives,

we may be busy with a mundane task

and miss one another completely.

Or we might give a polite wave,

only to return to what we were doing.

One minute, we're spending time with a loved one...

and the next, we're wrapped up in our work.

Or preoccupied with our own problems.

What a shame these neighbors take each other for granted...

because in just a few days...

one of these people will be dead.

That afternoon, old friends got together

to share coffee and gossip and to discover...

Is there a cup for me?

That they were still old friends after all.

So Orson was behind everything... Chuck, the letters?

Do you know why he did it?

He thought the only way

he could have me to himself was by tearing me away

from you three.

Well, guess what? He failed.

That's right, because we are still here for you.

And no psycho-on-wheels is gonna change that.

And I'll tell you something else.

He better not show his face around here ever again.

What's wrong?

The last time I spoke to Orson,

he... intimated that he would take his own life.

Oh, sweetie.

And I should have done something.

I should have made him tell me where he was

and gone to him.

Why? So he could torture you some more?

I know what he's become, but you all know

there was a time when I loved that man very much.

Well, he's not that man anymore.

Okay, have we been sad long enough?

Because I'd just like to point something out.

We are finally in the clear.

She's right. The letters were the last question mark left.

So maybe now we can get back to normal.

Yes. Our nightmare is finally over.

Thanks.

Is everything all right over here?

Doctors... they should learn how to talk to people.

I'm afraid I don't understand.

We just got back from my appointment.

Looks like the cancer's spreading faster than anyone thought.

Oh, Karen.

Yep. He gave me

the ol' "Put your affairs in order" speech.

Only not that nice.

These are people these doctors are talking to,

not just some name on a chart.

They can all go to hell!

I'm so sorry.

He's just pissed at the world.

Oh, I've got it. I've got it.

How about you?

I can't even imagine what you're going through.

I'm really gonna miss the Christmas festival.

The lane looks so pretty when the lights are, you know...

Karen...

if there's anything I can do for you...

I mean it. Anything.

Yeah. Thanks, Bree.

Come in!

Wow! The place looks great.

You are going all out.

Ever since Porter's big announcement,

I have a new policy for all our kids.

If you can resist procreating,

I will throw you a bitchin' party.

Well, I just...

I wanted to drop off Penny's present, so...

Champagne? Isn't that taking the bitchin' party idea

a little too far?

That is for you.

You went through 22 hours of labor with her.

Seems like you should get to celebrate, too.

That is so thoughtful.

Uncharacteristically thoughtful, and now that I think about it,

you could have brought Penny's present to the party,

So, um...

what's going on?

Okay, um... I was just wondering...

if you wouldn't mind...

maybe we should open that champagne now.

Just say it.

I-I want to bring Jane to Penny's party.

Oh, god.

Look, I know it's a little awkward.

Bringing a date to your daughter's birthday party

when you're still married?

Yeah, it's a little awkward. This is a family event.

I know, but Jane is part of my life now.

Yeah. Your life.

I'm sorry, Lynette, but...

I really want to start including Jane in some of these things.

Why?

Well...

Dad!

Hey, you.

- Is that for me? - Ahem.

Can I open it?

Hey, I know this trick, and if I let you open it today,

you are gonna guilt me into buying you another one

on your actual birthday.

That's totally what I'm going to do.

And I am totally gonna fall for it.

What... hey!

Hey, hey, hey.

Didn't you wanna finish our conversation?

Another time. Just enjoy the champagne.

You had to get the girls a cat, didn't you?

Even though you know I'm allergic.

Oh, you say you're allergic to everything you don't like...

Cats, raisins, the vacuum cleaner.

Hey, that is medically verified.

Girls, show mommy how sad we'd be

if she made us give back Rufus?

Oh, how could I say "No" to such sad

and obviously rehearsed faces?

Daddy, you wanna see him do a trick?

Kitty, fetch.

Now come back.

Rufus?

He kinda does whatever he wants.

Well, he should fit right in around here.

I'm not the one who just brought kitty litter into our lives.

Look... if the cat makes them happy,

then it makes me happy.

One thing I realized in rehab...

there is nothing more important to me

than taking care of you guys.

I love you for that. Mmm.

Ah! Before I forget,

I got you a present.

A tie.

It's for your first day back at work after rehab.

Something that says, "I'm sober, I'm stylish,"

"and my wife has excellent taste."

I was having so much fun with you and the girls,

I... kinda forgot I have to work tomorrow.

Well, you could say "Thank you."

I spent a lot of your money on it.

Sorry, babe. Thank you.

Okay. Bedtime for bonzos!

Hello there.

Thank you for fixing my car today.

I like a man who's good with his hands.

It's very sexy.

Although I think my engine is still running a little hot.

Vroom.

Susan, what are you doing?

The question is,

"Who am I doing?" the answer is "You."

Oh. I'm sorry. I'm just really beat.

All that hard work really took it out on you, huh?

Well, hey...

maybe this is something that will relax you.

Hello.

That a gun in your pocket,

or are you just happy to see me?

Oh, my god. It is a gun.

You've got a gun in your pocket?

Susan, don't freak out.

Why do you have a gun?

Sit down.

I have something I need to tell you.

Did you mean what you said today?

Karen.

About helping me with anything I need?

'cause a lot of people say that, but they don't mean it.

No. No, I meant it.

You sure? Because let's be honest.

You and I never really liked each other.

- We haven't? - No.

Well, I definitely meant what I said.

Whatever you need, consider it done.

Good. I want you to help kill me.