L.A. Law

Your wife is one of the biggest stars in series television.

She must be pulling down easy 50 grand an episode.

And she thinks she can discard you like a piece of used Kleenex?

Forget it.

Now, what sort of work did you do before your marriage, Mr. Saban?

Um, I was a personal trainer.

Mm-hmm.

I take it that's where you two met.

She was my best client.

She blimped up over hiatus, and I had to get her back in shape before the start of production.

Look, I know this is hard to believe, but this was me.

Run up, Mr. Sacramento, 1982.

And look at me now.

I really loved this woman.

For five years, I devoted my whole life to her, and without warning, she just dumps me.

I still can't believe it.

I just don't have a bed.

Here, here.

Yeah, yeah, sorry.

Don't be.

You've been deeply hurt.

And I think, uh, two, three million dollar settlement, plus some spousal support.

Alimony?

Absolutely.

And look, the feminist door swings both ways, and it's not as if you don't deserve it.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Becker.

Arnie.

Yeah, Arnie.

Look, uh, there is one other question I'd like to ask you.

Yeah, anything.

I go to the gym, I use the machines three times a week, but I can't seem to get any definition right here.

Well, let's have a look.

I'll take off your shirt.

Do you use any, um, supplements at all?

Oh, crystallized sublingual amino acids, lots of C and E, zinc, dolomite,

acidophilus, wheat grass, spirulina.

What about free weights?

No, just the machines.

Well, if we're going to bulk up here, we're going to have to use free weights.

You're going to have to work these pecs till they burn, and quite frankly, I'd shave off all that ugly chest hair.

Arnie, I can figure out your scribbles here.

Rox!

Roxanne!

Sorry.

Suddenly, smoke is pouring out everywhere.

Then the oil light goes on.

By the time I get the car off the freeway, the engine block is cracked.

Didn't you just drop a new transmission into it last night?

Yeah, I've had it.

I'm selling that damn thing, and I'm getting me some basic transportation.

No frills, no statements, just a car.

I agree.

Oh, I don't know.

We spend so much time driving.

Why not have a little fun?

Like it or not, Victor, you are what you drive.

It's nonsense.

No, it isn't.

The car you drive is as personal as the clothes you wear.

Guys, I am not looking to make a statement with my car.

I just want to get to work.

Lest we forgot, the luxury to indulge in or turn up our noses at pricey automobiles

or other symbols of our professional standing depends wholly on our capacity to generate fees.

In which spirit, Miss Kelsey?

Hamilton versus Archon Life and Casualty.

Settlement papers are being drawn.

Miss Hamilton has agreed to drop her suit in consideration of a lump sum payment of $500,000.

That's excellent, Ann.

Perhaps it will offset the cost of litigating O'Brien versus Lehigh Tobacco.

Mr. Kuzak, where do we stand?

Opening arguments were yesterday.

And how much longer may we expect this crusade to occupy your time?

This may be a long shot, Douglas, but cigarettes are as addictive as heroin

and as deadly as poison, and if the government won't put them out of business, somebody's got to.

Go get it, Mike.

How can you advocate suing a tobacco company while you sit there eating that poison?

What are you going to do when your arteries harden?

Sue the bakery?

No one ever died from eating a jelly donut, Ann.

So far.

It's with you.

For future reference, Michael, in view of the most recent appellate court

decisions, I fail to see the point of pursuing this type of long-shot litigation.

The point is that my mother smoked two packs of cigarettes a day for 40 years and finally died of lung cancer.

That's the point, Douglas.

Douglas, why don't we move on to another item?

Arnold, Sapin versus Miller.

Yeah, as you may have read in the tabloids, Jocelyn Miller dumped her

husband last month, but we're seeking to set aside the prenup and get him some spousal support.

You're telling us that a healthy guy in his 30s is going to have trouble supporting himself.

Mr. Sabin set aside a successful career to become a full-time homemaker.

How does that differ from women who've done the same in the service of their high-powered husbands?

Sounds like a truly liberated man to me.

Sounds to me like a cheap gigolo looking to extend a free ride on the gravy train.

That's it.

I'm out of here.

Lastly, on an administrative note, after battling for two weeks with building

management, I've finally secured parking for our new...

for our new associates.

Hence, beginning tomorrow, Mr. Gianelli and Miss Kleinberg may park on lower level C.

Head in only.

Well, as that seems to conclude our agenda, shall we adjourn?

I found that extremely embarrassing, Stuart.

Oh, you found that embarrassing?

Really?

I say black and you say white.

I say tomato and you say tomato.

You found that embarrassing.

Look, ever since we decided against this quickie wedding approach, you have been...

You have been racing around like you were planning a coronation.

Hey, you're the one who always dreamed about having a wedding at the Bel Air Hotel, honey, not me.

Well, then why don't you let me handle it, Stuart, instead of

doing what you always do, which is to take over everything?

Because every time I bring up anything to do with the wedding, you pick a fight.

Hogwash!

Ann, you want me to read your mind, and when I can't, or pardon me,

you change it, I'm left holding the bag, Stuart, whatever you want, just let me

know, that's what I'm talking about, you're doing it again, all right,

what do you want me to do, I want us to see a therapist, somebody with an

objective point of view, and somebody who can help us sort through some obviously

complicated stuff here, that's not my

I just believe in working out my own problems, besides, where would we even

look for one, I've compiled a list, I did a little research, Ann, typical.

Markowitz, first you figure out what's wrong between us, then you decide how to

fix it, where do I fit in, right here, you're gonna take half the list,

and I'm gonna take half the list, if you wanna find some names of your own,

be my guest, I just wanna deal with this, fine, fine,

Andy Breach, line two, Andy Breach, this one's nice, what are we looking at in

terms of budget, uh, I just want basic transportation, I could do that,

I could put you in something very cheap, remember to change the oil every 5,000

miles, you'll probably never have a problem, that sounds great, sounds great,

I just happen to have a different philosophy, which is, I don't believe in

depreciating assets in an inflationary economy, the minute you hit the streets in

that so-called cheap car, it drops 30% in value.

After four years, it depreciates 80%.

Now, to me, if you want true value, you go top of the line.

This, Mr. Sifuentes, is top of the line.

Wade Killifer, service pay.

Wade Killifer, service pay, please.

This is a $52,000 car.

It's a $52,000 investment.

Four years out, you'll have an option to buy it, and it's still going to yield 85% of its value unreceived.

I gotta admit, it's really comfortable.

I can put you in this car today.

It's loaded.

Top of the line.

Chrome wheels, custom sound system.

Believe me, six months from now, you don't like it, I'll have a line

stretching to the sidewalk waiting to take it off your hands.

Would you like to try it?

Mr.

O 'Brien, would you state your age and occupation, please?

Forty-six.

Construction foreman until I had to stop three years ago.

What have you been doing since then?

In and out of hospitals.

When I'm home with this, I'm not good for much but lying down and watching the TV.

Mr. O'Brien.

Are you in pain?

I have to say, it's real bad.

Like I'm choking.

It keeps getting worse.

Did you ever smoke cigarettes, Mr. O'Brien?

Two, three packs a day since I was 16 years old.

Do you still smoke cigarettes?

Four years ago, I had started having trouble breathing.

The doctor said I have emphysema.

That if I didn't stop smoking, I was going to die.

And so you stopped right then?

I went to one of those classes.

Stopped for a while.

But I ended up starting again.

My breathing got worse and worse.

Finally, I got so scared that I just quit cold Turkey.

And did your health improve after that?

No.

Just kept getting sicker.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Nothing further at this time.

Mr. O'Brien, were you ever aware of the controversy about the health effects of smoking?

Not when I started.

Just my mother saying it would stunt my growth, that kind of thing.

But you did know in recent years that some medical groups believe there are risks associated with smoking.

Yes.

And you were aware of the warnings carried on cigarette packages?

Yes.

Did anyone ever force you to smoke, Mr. O'Brien?

No.

Did anyone ever try to convince you to quit smoking?

My wife did.

Yet you chose to smoke anyway, because you wanted to, because you enjoyed it, is that right?

I knew it was going to kill me.

I quit.

Really?

Is this a picture of you sitting outside this courtroom yesterday morning?

Yes.

Is that a lit cigarette in your mouth?

Yes.

So if actions speak louder than words, what this says to me is you're the kind of